Monica: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.Joey: Yeah, right! Y'serious?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah!
Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
Monica: Absolutely.
Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean, it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
Ross: Yeah, and—and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that—that... that's not why we bought the ticket.
Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.
Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.J
oey: (PAUSE)....Are we still talking about sex?
Roy: (laughs) Yeah, that's what I thought too. But, honestly, I'd rather be the guy who skips straight to the good stuff—like, no one's paying to watch the warm-up act, right?
Monica: (mockingly) Oh, really? You're one of those guys?
Roy: (shrugging) I'm just saying, the comedian's fun for a bit, but I'm here for the main event. No one's waiting for the opening act to steal the show.
Chandler: (laughing) See, Roy gets it. We're not here for the kissing; we're here for the, y'know, actual stuff.Ross: (laughs) And here comes Roy, the self-proclaimed "skip the small talk" expert.
Roy: (grinning) Hey, somebody's gotta say it.
Rachel: (laughs) Fine, I guess the comedian's not as important to you guys.
Joey: (smirking) If the comedian's funny enough, maybe I'll hang around.
MONICA AND RACHEL'S APARTMENT
The group is lounging around. Roy is sitting on the arm of the couch, sipping coffee and trying to look chill—but there's a flicker of tension in his eyes
Chandler: Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding.
Phoebe: …Then I've already seen this one! (Turns off TV)
Monica:(Taking drink from Joey) Are you through with that?
Joey: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down.
Monica:(Picks up a crumpled ball of paper) Whose little ball of paper is this?!
Chandler: Oh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realized I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (off Monica's glare) ...now I wish I was dead.
Monica:(Starts furiously fluffing a pillow)
Phoebe: She's already fluffed that pillow... Monica, you know, you've already fluffed that— (Monica shoots her a look) —but, it's fine!
Roy:(Trying to sound casual) Okay, I gotta ask... is this pre-parent visit stress or just your usual Olympic-level fluffing?
Monica:(Sharply) They're gonna be here any minute. I just don't wanna give them any more ammunition than they already have.
Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.
Roy:(Grinning, but there's a bite to it) Right? My dad once called the coffee I brewed "aggressively average"—which, I think, was a compliment?
Joey:(Snorting) Hey, at least he drinks your coffee. My dad just yells at the machine when it doesn't froth right.
Phoebe: Monica—Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. You're like all chaotic and twirly. And not—not in a good way.
Joey: Yeah, calm down. You don't see Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come.
Monica: That's because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross can do no wrong. Y'see, he's the Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born.
Roy:(Dryly) Was it televised? Did he get a crown or just the golden child status?
Chandler:(Looking out the window) Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew!
Monica: What?
Chandler: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!
All:Eeaagh!
Roy'They joke about their parents like it's second nature. Mine... they're kind. Strict, sure. But they saved me from the streets. Gave me a bed, gave me safety. I owe them everything. And yet...I can't call them Mom or Dad. Not really. Not when whole chunks of my memory—movies, sitcoms, holidays—are just... gone. Like I was born yesterday, but expected to catch up to everyone else's normal. So instead, I brew coffee. I manage the shop. I show up. It's how I try to say thanks.It's just... I wish it felt like enough.'
[Monica picks up another pillow and fluffs it like her life depends on it.]
Roy:(Snapping out of it, half-smiling) If you fluff that one any harder, Monica, it's gonna file a restraining order.
Monica:(Tossing the pillow down) I can't help it!
Chandler: Good news is, if the pillows don't impress them, we can always distract them with Ugly Naked Guy's workout routine.
[Laughter breaks out again]
Rachel: Has anybody seen my engagement ring?
Phoebe: Yeah, it's beautiful.
Rachel: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God… (starts tossing cushions)
Phoebe: No, wait—don't touch that!
Rachel: Like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough! 'Hi Barry, remember me? The girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!' And now I have to return the ring… without the ring!
Monica: Easy, Rach, we'll find it. (to the room) Won't we!
Chandler, Joey, Roy: Oh! Yeah!
Joey: Alright, when'd'ya have it on last?
Phoebe: Doy! Probably right before she lost it!
Chandler: You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days…
Rachel: I know I had it this morning. I was in the kitchen with…
Chandler: ...Dinah?
Roy: Or was it Destiny? Or Disaster?
Rachel:(eyes widening) Ohhh no… don't be mad…
Monica: You didn't.
Rachel: I am so sorry…
Monica: I gave you one job! (stares into the lasagna)
Rachel: But look how straight those noodles are!
Roy: Okay, credit where credit's due—this lasagna's more organized than my entire childhood.
Chandler: Monica, that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagna…
Roy: We need gloves. Or a metal detector. Or—hear me out—Rachel just eats it really slowly.
Monica:(puts the lasagna down) I just... can't do it.
Roy:(rolling up sleeves) I've dug through worse. Joey, back me up.
Joey: If there's cheese, I'm in.
Chandler: Boys? We're going in.
(The three of them approach the lasagna like bomb techs.)
Monica: Okay—gently, gently! That lasagna is layered with love and—potentially—diamonds!
Joey: Still no sign of the ring. But I think I found a noodle that looks like Elvis.
Chandler: Great, Joey. Put it in the museum of Things That Won't Get Rachel Out of a Panic Attack.
Rachel:[sighing] I'm sorry, Monica... I really didn't mean to mess it up.
Monica: It's okay. I mean, it's not okay, but it's not not okay. We'll find it.
Rachel: We will. We got this.
Roy:[grinning while digging through sauce] I'm gonna be honest—I did not expect my Friday to involve elbow-deep treasure hunting in pasta.
Phoebe: I think it builds character.
Monica: Or gives me hives.
Roy: Speaking of stress levels—uh, my parents are coming over for dinner tonight.
Chandler: Wow, big day for everybody's nervous systems.
Monica: Wait, tonight? You're still going through with that?
Roy: Yeah. I've been kind of putting it off... but they really want to check in. You know—talk shop, subtly critique my life choices, inspect my sock drawer.
Rachel:[with a teasing smile] Sounds warm and judgmental.
Roy: Pretty much. They're not bad or anything. They gave me a home when I had nothing. I'm grateful. But they're just... a lot. My dad especially—he's the kind of guy who thinks "casual" means wearing a tie without a blazer.
Chandler: Oof, that's a man who judges forks.
Roy:[chuckling] Exactly. So I was thinking—Phoebe, wanna come?
Phoebe: What, to dinner?
Roy: Yeah. They've been curious about you since forever. I think you'd... soften the room. Or at least make it unpredictable enough that nobody notices me sweating.
Phoebe: Oh my god. That's like the most charmingly awkward dinner invite I've ever gotten. I'd love to.
Roy: Cool. Just promise me you won't start a seance at the table.
Phoebe: No promises.
A KNOCK AT THE DOOR. IT IS ROSS
Ross: ...Hi.
Monica: Wow. That is not a happy hi.
Ross: Carol's pregnant.
Phoebe: (while everyone else is stunned) Ooh! I found it! (She holds up the ring triumphantly.)
Monica: W-w-wh-... wha-... w-w-w-...
Ross: Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you might be where I am right about now. (He walks further into the apartment.)
Chandler: Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, Mon?
Rachel: (softly, still stunned) So... how do you fit into this whole thing?
Ross: Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be. It's... kind of entirely up to me.
Phoebe: She is so great. I miss her.
Monica: What does she mean by "involved"?
Chandler: I mean, presumably, the biggest part of your job is done.
Roy: It's a big deal, man. No matter how this shakes out, you're still the dad. That doesn't change. But I think... I think they'd want you there, right? If they didn't, they wouldn't have asked.
Ross: (pauses, looks at Roy) Yeah, but what if I screw it up? What if I mess this whole thing up?
Roy: (smiling) That's what parenting is, Ross. Screwing up a lot, but trying your best. You're gonna make mistakes. Everyone does. I'm sure your kid's gonna love you anyway, even if you don't have all the answers right away.
Monica: (a bit relieved by Roy's words) Yeah, Ross. You don't have to have everything figured out. I mean, none of us ever do.
Chandler: (grinning) Yeah, and who says Ross even has to be a good father? I mean, look at Joey. I turned out okay, right?
(The sound of Joey scooping into the lasagna breaks the mood. Everyone turns to look at him.)
Joey:[mouth full] What? This is still ruined, right?
Rachel: So what are you gonna do, Ross?
Ross: I have no idea. They want me to go with them tomorrow to a sonogram. Whatever I do, I'm still gonna be a father.
Roy: (nodding) That sounds like a big step. But it's your call, man. Just don't think you have to have it all figured out.
Rachel: (with a soft smile) We're here for you, Ross. You know that, right?
Ross: (smiling faintly) Thanks, guys.
Roy's apartment upstairs from Monica's place. The dinner table is set, and the room has a cozy, well-kept feel. Roy, Phoebe, Elina (Roy's mother), and Jack (Roy's father, a strict, military man) are seated at the dinner table
Jack: (staring down at Roy) So, Roy. I've been hearing a lot about the coffee shop(Central park) you've been running. How's that going?
Roy: (nervously adjusts his collar, trying to sound confident) It's going well, Dad. I've been managing it for a while now. I think the customers are happy with the new menu, and it's starting to pick up some regulars.
Elina: (smiling gently) That's wonderful, Roy. You've really made something of yourself, haven't you?
Jack: (his tone is more critical) Managing a coffee shop isn't exactly the kind of work I was hoping you'd go into. (pauses) But I suppose it's a start. You've been with the business long enough now. Do you have any plans for expansion?
Roy (laughing nervously, clearing his throat): Dad, did you get a chance to look over those investment options I sent you?
Jack (straight to the point, voice stern but not unkind): Yes, I did. And I have to say, I'm impressed. You're showing a good head for business, Roy. But— (he eyes Roy, sizing him up) —do you really understand the risks involved? This isn't just about numbers on a page.
Roy (holding his own, a little more serious): I've thought about it a lot. I know you've always pushed me to be my best, and I don't want to disappoint. I want to make something of myself. Not just for me, but for... for the both of you. (Elian smiling proudly)
Elina (smiling warmly, placing a plate of food in front of Phoebe): Phoebe, it's so lovely to have you over. Roy tells us you're like family now. How did you two meet again?
Phoebe (beaming, twirling her fork in her spaghetti, with a dreamy tone): Oh, well, we met in the most unexpected way! Roy and I were just... destined to cross paths. Like, you know, when two souls collide in a cosmic dance? Yeah, something like that.
Elina (glancing warmly at Roy): You know, honey… you've been working so hard lately—with the coffee shop, those business plans, helping Jack with those reports… (leans in slightly) But is there anyone new in your life?
Roy (brows furrowing slightly): New?
Elina (smiling knowingly): I mean romantically. A girlfriend? A crush? Someone who makes you nervous when they walk into the room? (laughs softly) I'm your mother. I can tell when you're keeping something.
Roy (awkward laugh, scratching the back of his neck): Uh... not really. I mean—there was someone I saw around the shop a few times. I guess she had this kind of... energy? But it's nothing. I didn't even talk to her properly.
Phoebe (wide-eyed, leans forward): Ooh! Wait, was she tall? Curly hair? Carried a sketchbook with mushrooms on the cover?
Roy (blinking): How did you—
Phoebe (whispers like she's sharing state secrets): I vibed her. She had big "crush this boy's heart gently" energy.
Jack (to Roy, in his gruff, direct tone): You spoke clearly about your goals tonight. I appreciate that. Just remember—vision without discipline is just daydreaming.
Roy (nodding, a faint smile): Got it, sir.
Jack (his version of warmth): Hm. You're doing alright, son.
(He gives Roy a single pat on the shoulder and walks out into the hall.)
Elina (leaning in and hugging Roy gently): I'm proud of you, sweetheart. You're building something for yourself. And you've found good friends. I like her.
Roy (quiet laugh): She's... unique.
Elina (teasing): So are you. Keep being kind to yourself, okay?
Roy (smiling more genuinely): I will. Thanks, Mom.
(She squeezes his hand, then follows Jack down the stairs.)
[The door clicks shut. Roy turns and looks at Phoebe, who's now upside-down on the couch, her head hanging over the edge, eyes wide open toward the ceiling.]
Phoebe (without moving): So... did your dad always sound like a war movie that forgot it was also a family drama?
Roy (laughing): Pretty much. He once gave me a 10-minute lecture on posture because I slouched during breakfast.
Phoebe (rolling upright): I like your mom, though. She smells like cinnamon and quiet hope.
Roy (grinning): Yeah... She's the one who first called this place home.
CENTRAL PERK -ALL PRESENT)
Joey: Your folks are really that bad, huh?
Ross: Well, y'know, these people are pros. They know what they're doing, they take their time, they get the job done.
Roy (grinning, nudging Ross with his shoulder): Hey, sounds like dinner at my place. Only instead of the cold judgment of disappointed parents, I got grilled like a salmon in front of my mom and Phoebe.
Phoebe (beaming wistfully): Mmm. Salmon. Oh yeah, Jack Harper was like a general with opinions on ROI and eye contact. I think I passed his test because I didn't blink.
Monica: Wait, wait, your dad gave you the business talk at the table? Like, during dinner?
Roy: Not just a talk. A full investment pitch session. I think he was five seconds from pulling out a whiteboard. He asked if I'd researched quarterly yields.
Chandler: (mock voice) "Son, pass the gravy and tell me your projected net growth in fiscal Q2."
Roy: Exactly! And my mom—she smiled through the whole thing like we were doing family improv. At one point, she just casually asked Phoebe if I have a girlfriend.
Monica: So it was one of those dinners.
Roy: Let's just say... I'll be upgrading the fire extinguisher in my kitchen—just in case dinner ever gets that hot again.
Phoebe: It was kind of nice though. Like being in a movie where the parents interrogate you but still serve apple pie after.
Chandler: A very stressful pie.
(Everyone chuckles. Roy sips his coffee and leans back, more relaxed now.)
Monica: Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents... boy, if you could—(to Ross ) I'd want yours.
Ross: (standing) Must pee.
(Ross exits.)
Phoebe: Y'know, it's even worse when you're twins.
Rachel: You're twins?
Phoebe: Yeah. We don't speak. She's like this high-powered, driven career type.
Chandler: What does she do?
Phoebe: She's a waitress.
Rachel: All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now.
(Everyone starts to gather their things.)
Monica: Chandler, you're an only child, right? You don't have any of this.
Chandler: Well, no... although I did have an imaginary friend, who... my parents actually preferred.
Rachel : The lights, please.
A/N :"I shortened this chapter compared to the previous one and added some of my own original scenes. If you have any suggestions for improvement, please let me know."