We're back in Liyue Harbor.
Again.
Because apparently, once isn't enough to deal with political chaos, falling gods, suspicious Fatui agents, and the deepest existential crisis I've had since I realized onions don't actually make you stronger in RPGs.
Anyway.
Our first stop? The Northland Bank. Because when in doubt, always go to the suspicious bank owned by people who probably put pineapple on pizza and call it revolutionary.
We walk in and boom—there he is. Childe. Tartaglia. Ajax. Lord Ginger of the Bank Realm. Looking all smug in his tailored coat, posing like he's about to drop a perfume ad called "Fatui: Smell the Betrayal."
"Waddup, Ginger?" I called out, throwing him finger guns with all the confidence of someone who definitely forgot to do laundry for three days.
Lumine gave a nod. Elegant. Polite. The usual.
Paimon? She waved, because that's what floating emergency snacks do. Cute, small, chaos.
Childe raised an eyebrow, clearly used to my nonsense by now. "You're back."
I struck a pose. "Reporting for duty. Mission: Yak-Talk with bird aunties and edgy balcony boys. Mission status: Overwhelming success."
He sighed, that 'I already regret agreeing to meet you' sigh. "How did it go?"
Oh, buddy. You asked for it.
So I did what any mature, responsible, battle-worn warrior would do—I gave the most ridiculously dramatic retelling ever.
"Well, first up was Moon Carver. Bro looks like he came out of a jade sculpture exhibit and speaks like someone who grades people's lives based on chi flow. He's intense. He's dramatic. He's got that judgmental uncle energy who thinks your haircut ruined your destiny."
Childe blinked.
"Then we got Cloud Retainer," I continued, "who has the brainpower of a thousand encyclopedias and the vibe of your rich aunt who builds steampunk furniture in her free time. She casually flexed her IQ with every syllable and probably owns a jade Roomba."
"Jade... Roomba?" Lumine whispered.
"It's real in my heart."
"Next up was Mountain Shaper," I said. "He gave me spiritual boot camp. Made me climb cliffs, solve puzzles, and question my leg muscles' entire existence. Guy speaks in riddles and stares at you like he knows your browser history."
That's when my inner monologue kicked in, naturally.
He trained me. Not in words. Not in sword swings. But in trials. In tests. Every piece of that mountain was a training ground disguised as a high-stakes logic test. He was watching me. Judging me. Teaching me.
But I didn't say any of that to Childe. Why? Because it's gonna be my secret weapon. When this gingerbread man gets too smug and starts monologuing like a Disney villain, I'm gonna hit him with a surprise Mountain Shaper combo so spicy it'll erase his bangs.
Anyway.
"Last up was Xiao," I said. "The Conqueror of Demons. The guy who looks like he's been living on the same rooftop since the fall of Khaenri'ah. Dude's so edgy, he probably writes haikus in his sleep and disappears before you can say 'hello.'"
Childe was silent.
Then, like he was talking to ghosts: "Moon Carver... Cloud Retainer... Mountain Shaper... Conqueror of Demons... some of these names have never shown up in the intel the Fatui has gathered."
I smirked. "Pfft. Skill issue."
He ignored me. Tragic.
Instead, he switched to Serious Mode. "The Qixing are clamping down hard. No one's allowed near the Exuvia. Assassin's still at large. It's all smoke and panic."
"Exuvia?" Lumine asked, blinking.
I stepped in, arms crossed like I was the lead detective in a drama. "That's what they call Rex Lapis as well. The big guy. Morax. Geo Daddy. Wallet Drainer. Lizard of Many Names."
Paimon floated up. "Lizard of what?"
"Have you seen his dragon form?" I asked. "Tail? Check. Glowy eyes? Check. Ancient geo powers? Double check. Dude's practically a mythological iguana in a business suit."
Childe sighed again. The kind that comes from spiritual fatigue.
"With the Rite of Descension going public, the Qixing can't keep a lid on things anymore," he said. "Liyue is teetering on the edge."
Paimon looked nervously at Lumine. "So... what now?"
I turned to Childe. "Yeah, come on, gingerbread man. You said you'd introduce us to someone, right? Someone who knows the dead lizard personally."
Childe nodded, though I could see his soul trying to leave his body. "Yes. I'll introduce you. Just... give me some time."
"And stop calling me Ginger."
I beamed. "That's the thing, though. You're too spicy not to."
He didn't reply.
I think I broke him. Again.
Mission accomplished.
***
Ah, freedom.
There's nothing like leaving the glorious chaos of Liyue Harbor and stepping out into the open fields where people don't try to arrest you every five minutes.
I stretched like I owned the sky, cracked my neck like it owed me money, and took in a big whiff of the wild air. Yup. Smelled like freedom and suspiciously like grilled tofu. Probably a street vendor hiding in the trees. I'd find them later.
We were just a few steps outside the city gates. Childe said he needed time before he could introduce us to his mysterious lizard buddy expert -a.k.a. someone who knows Rex Lapis which is just Zhongli himself.- Which meant we had nothing to do but wait.
Paimon, floating as if taxes didn't exist, tilted her head. "So... what should we do while waiting for Childe?"
And that, dear readers, was when the absolute brightest, most brilliant, galaxy-brained idea hit me like a burst of electro to the face.
I turned to Lumine. Grinned.
"Lumine," I declared heroically, pointing at her like I just discovered she was the final boss of a JRPG, "let's square up."
Silence.
And then...
WHAM!
Her fist collided with my face so fast I think time rewound itself just to watch it again. The sheer force launched me several meters backward, like a ragdoll yeeted by the gods. I landed on the grass, rolled like a dying cabbage, and finally stopped, blinking up at the clouds like they owed me an explanation.
My eye. It throbbed. I think I saw stars flowing around me.
"BRO?!" I yelled, sitting up dramatically like an anime protagonist after getting their soul drop-kicked. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"
Lumine, completely unbothered, casually fixed her glove. "You asked for it."
"I said, 'square up,' not 'obliterate my soul,' woman!"
She shrugged. "Enemies won't wait for you to prepare."
...
Damn it. She had a point.
Still, I wiped some dirt off my face and stood tall, slightly wobbly, pointing at her again like I learned absolutely nothing from the last thirty seconds.
"Alright, ROUND TWO!"
Paimon gasped. "Wait, again?! You just got punched into next week!"
But I wasn't listening. My warrior spirit had awakened. Or maybe I hit my head too hard. Either way, IT WAS ON!
This time, I came prepared. I reached into my pocket and pulled out... absolutely nothing. Because who needs inventory when you've got style?
I formed a bow, pulling it from Geo like it was sculpted from the mountain itself. Not to shoot her -I'm dumb, not evil,- but to use it like a staff. Geo's got perks, alright? I learned this from the old bird, thank you very much.
Lumine didn't even draw her sword. She just cracked her knuckles with a smile that was, frankly, terrifying. She was actually excited.
What followed next could only be described as friendly violence at its finest.
We sparred.
Fists flying. Geo weapons forming. Paimon screaming in the background like a tiny coach with rage issues.
Lumine moved fast—too fast. Like, "blink and she's behind you" fast. I barely managed to parry with a geo-blade I summoned last second. Then I tried to catch her off guard with a geo-mace. Didn't work. She dodged. Again.
"Since when did you get so strong?!" I shouted between swings.
She smirked. "Since Mondstadt. I've been training too, you know."
Fair. Mondstadt Lumine was scary. Liyue Lumine? Downright horrifying. The power of plot development and main character privileges.
I tried a fakeout—threw a geo-spear and lunged behind it.
She ducked, swept my legs, and I fell flat like a slapped pancake.
Paimon clapped. "Yay! Violence!"
Okay, not those exact words, but that was definitely the vibe.
I flipped back up and summoned dual geo-blades this time. Lumine finally pulled out her sword, and we clashed, sparks flying like fireworks on a festival night. Every hit echoed across the field. I was sweating. My eye still hurt. But I couldn't stop grinning.
She was strong. I was strong.
And we were having the time of our lives.
Eventually, after what felt like an eternity of punches, kicks, dodges, taunts, and one accidental headbutt -sorry,- we both collapsed onto the grass.
Panting. Gasping. Laughing.
The sun was warm. The wind was cool. And my face hurt.
But it was worth it.
Lumine turned to me, sweat on her brow but a smile on her face. "You're so strong now."
I puffed out my chest, which probably made me look like a smug pigeon. "Damn right. That's what happens when you get tortured in a domain by a sadistic old bird. Builds character. And trauma. Mostly trauma."
And just like that, all three of us burst into laughter.
Paimon snorted. "You're never gonna let that go, huh?"
"NEVER."
We stayed there, staring at the sky, the grass tickling our arms, our laughter fading into comfortable silence. I glanced over at Lumine and Paimon, and for once, things felt... right.
Even if we were fugitives.
Even if the world was falling apart.
Even if the Lizard of Many Names was dead. Which is actually not dead.
Right now? We had each other.
And tomorrow? We raise more hell.
And so—hear me out again.
Lying on the grass with a black eye, sore ribs, and my ego slightly shattered but mostly still intact, I exhaled the breath of someone who almost saw the stars—both figuratively and literally. "Fuck... that was a blast," I muttered, a grin stretched across my face like I wasn't just dropkicked into oblivion five minutes ago by a girl half my size and twice my power.
Lumine, that tiny menace, turned to face me with that signature calm expression of hers. The same one she probably wore while kicking over hilichurls like lawn gnomes. How is it possible for someone to look so composed after sparring like a psycho?
"You were so serious a while ago," I said, chuckling through the pain. "Were you planning to kill me?"
She blinked. "Kill you? Nope."
NOT convincing.
"That sounded exactly like something someone would say before they stab you in the kidneys. Twice."
Paimon giggled like a demon who just found a new toy. "You guys really make a great team!"
Yeah. A great team. Like a rabbit and a blender.
Lumine turned to me and smiled—except it wasn't reassuring at all. It was the kind of smile you give someone when you know something they don't.
"Don't worry, Shigeru," she said sweetly. "I won't kill you... yet. Maybe before we reach Sumeru."
I blinked. My soul briefly left my body. My left eyebrow twitched.
"H-Ha... ha," I laughed nervously. "Okay, funny. Haha. You got jokes now. Very nice."
She didn't say anything. Just kept smiling.
"Seriously though, that's scary." I narrowed my eyes at her, wiping the grass off my face and wondering if I could sue someone in Teyvat for emotional damage.
The wind was warm. The grass felt soft. And yet here I was, emotionally scarred by a tiny demon in blonde hair.
I stood up like an old man recovering from back pain. My bones popped in ways that told me I was either healing or dying. Possibly both. Lumine sat up, brushing dirt off her arms like we didn't just beat the shit out of each other for fun.
We all laughed. For a second, it felt like everything was okay. No Fatui. No contracts. No hidden Archons or divine conspiracies. Just me, Lumine, and Paimon, being idiots in the grass.
But reality doesn't wait.
"Shall we?" I asked, offering my hand to Lumine like some noble idiot. She took it without hesitation, pulling herself up with that weird elegance she always had—even after punching someone into a mini crater.
"Where are we going this time?" Paimon asked, floating a little closer and squinting at me like I had a hidden map under my shirt.
I flashed my signature grin. You know, the one that usually precedes really bad decisions.
"To meet an old grandpa... who's actually the Geo Archon."
Dead silence.
Lumine blinked. Paimon stared at me like I just confessed I was secretly a talking cabbage.
"WHAT?!" they shouted in perfect stereo.
"Oh?" I tilted my head innocently. "Oops. My bad. You guys weren't supposed to know that yet. Let's just pretend I didn't say that. Like, oopsie daisy, spoiler alert and all that."
Paimon's jaw dropped. Lumine crossed her arms.
"You literally just spoiled the main twist."
"It's not my fault y'all didn't read the script," I said, waving it off like it wasn't a world-shattering piece of info.
"There is no script!" Lumine exclaimed.
I shrugged. "Anyway, let's go meet the grandpa."
And just like that, we set off again—one half-murdered traveler, one possibly murderous traveler, and one floating emergency food source who's probably regretting her life choices.
So yeah, next stop: old grandpas, hidden identities, and maybe another punch to the face if I keep running my mouth.
Adventure awaits.
Or a restraining order. Honestly, either way I'm ready.
__________________________________________
End of Chapter 22
Quest Completed: Fist of Friendship: Survive Lumine's Left Hook
Rewards: 1x Black Eye (Legendary Tier), +500 Friendship XP with Lumine, +300 Adventure EXP and 1x Paimon's Approval.
Achievement Unlocked: "Still Alive Somehow"