Now that we were engaged, the Demon Queen demanded to be properly courted. So, our first date was arranged. Her idea of a first date? Exploring the depths of the castle's dungeons.
Apparently, in the past, this castle — where my ancestors founded our kingdom — was once the home of a famous demon. Legends whispered through generations of demons tell of a secret chamber where this demon left his greatest treasure.
From the beginning, the Queen's goal in invading our kingdom was to find that secret chamber. And now that we were engaged, she wanted to share that experience with me. Why not? What could go wrong with entering a dangerous dungeon, full of powerful monsters and unsolved mysteries, if I was under the protection of the most powerful being in the world?
Well, with a single sentence, the Queen shattered my confidence:
"Now you can be my brave hero, and I'll be the helpless damsel in distress."
Ah, of course, the Queen loves some roleplay... But if things get dangerous, she'll step in, right?
Realizing I hadn't fully grasped her intention, Sabrina warned me:
"If the Queen says she wants to be protected, she really wants to be protected."
"Wait, but down there are some monsters way out of my league. If it's just me, we might die."
"And what a romantic way to die" — said the Queen, dreamily — "in the arms of my beloved, who fought bravely to his last breath to protect me".
She seemed to be daydreaming, imagining that "romantic" scene, which to me looked more macabre.
"But you don't need to worry. The Queen is immortal" — added Sabrina. The Queen nodded, excited.
Phew, I didn't need to worry. Wait… I didn't need to worry? The Queen is immortal. I'm not.
Well, there wasn't much I could do.
So we entered the dungeon, and the first challenge appeared: a terrifying goblin.
No, I'm kidding. Even for me, goblins aren't a big deal.
I drew my sword and, with a single blow, the creature's head flew through the air. I struck a heroic pose to impress the Queen, but something happened.
"Help! Oh, I'm in danger! Help!" — the Queen cried.
Three filthy, disgusting goblins had surrounded her, trying to rip her clothes off. No, you bastards, only I get to do that.
I dashed toward the vile creatures. A kick to the chest knocked the first one back. A stab to the second pierced its torso. I dropped my sword, stuck in the monster's guts, drew a dagger, and slit the third's throat.
When the first one recovered and tried to get back up, I threw the dagger between its eyes. It pierced its skull.
The Queen was on the ground, giving me an intense look. Her dress had been torn in a way that somehow perfectly highlighted her curves.
I helped her up and held her in my arms. She kissed me passionately. Our lips met, our tongues wrestled for space. Our hands explored each other's bodies. The heat between us was surreal, despite the grotesque scene around us.
And then… well, I'm not going to describe exactly what happened next because I don't want to turn this into a gore porn novel.
That same pattern kept repeating.
We found a monster that looked like a Cthulhu. I killed the first one. When I turned, the Queen was entangled in the second one's tentacles. I killed it. Her clothes were conveniently torn again. And then we had sex.
We found a pack of wolves. I killed them. And then we had sex.
We found a plant-monster with vines. The Queen was trapped in a scene straight out of a hentai cover. I cut the vines, killed the monster. And then we had sex.
We stopped to rest, but the Queen was horny, so… we had sex.
And so continued our dungeon adventure, until we reached our goal. The secret chamber was just ahead. The problem? A giant tarantula — nightmare fuel — was blocking the path.
"So… my beloved Queen. I'm clearly not strong enough to defeat that thing alone. Are you sure you don't want to give me a hand?"
"And what would be the fun in that, my love? Wouldn't that ruin the roleplay?"
"It could be part of the roleplay, no? Facing imminent danger, a passionate kiss from his beloved awakens the hero's hidden power."
"Hmm, I like that idea."
Then she hugged me tightly and kissed me. The hottest kiss we'd shared so far. I don't know how we stopped at just the kiss.
A strange power began to surge through my body. Black energy bolts erupted from my skin. My sword's metal was consumed by a dark mist until its blade turned pitch-black.
My black hair turned silver. My brown eyes turned red. Curved horns, like a goat's, emerged from my skull.
When the transformation ended, I was drunk on a courage I'd never felt. With a stomp, I turned into a blur and dashed toward the monster.
My sword struck violently, but the tarantula was incredibly powerful. Its legs weren't faster than me, but there were many, and I had to focus hard to dodge all its attacks.
The monster was smart. Its legs struck in a complex pattern designed to trap me between its pincers. But, intoxicated by the Demon Queen's power, I could see through all its traps.
Gathering the demonic energy that flowed through my body into my sword, I sliced off one of the monster's legs in a single strike. In desperation, it jumped back to escape me.
I used that brief pause to check on the Queen. She had summoned a comfy king-size bed, changed into some stunning black lingerie, and was lying there... well, enjoying herself, if you know what I mean, while watching my fight.
After seeing that, I just wanted to end the fight fast. I focused all my remaining demonic energy to summon a black storm. Dark lightning shot from my body. A black cloud formed near the dungeon ceiling.
Then I became the lightning bolt itself. I struck the tarantula, hitting the horrid creature. A burst of light and a cloud of smoke engulfed it.
When the smoke cleared, I was in a heroic pose, my monstrous enemy dead at my feet, my sword buried in its skull.
When I looked at the Queen, she was lying comfortably in bed, smoking a cigarette, and looking at me with a gaze of desire that nearly gave me a heart attack.
From here on... I think I don't need to say what happened next.