**Life Was Comfortable for Kifune. Too Comfortable.**
He spent his days chilling in his morgue, smoking with Asuma, and occasionally touching corpses for loot. But as they say, when life gets too cozy, the universe throws a curveball. And this time, the curveball came in the form of a masked ANBU ninja.
**"Maruyama Kifune, the Hokage summons you,"** the ANBU said in a voice so deep it could probably summon ghosts. Then, like a ninja ninja, he vanished into thin air.
Kifune blinked. **The Hokage? Summoning me?** He was just a corpse collector, not exactly the kind of guy who got personal invites from the big boss. Then it hit him—**Asuma.** That traitor. He must've been blabbing about him to his dad, Sarutobi Hiruzen. Probably something like, *"Hey, Dad, there's this guy who smokes with me and hangs out with dead people. You should totally promote him or something."*
Grumbling, Kifune stubbed out his cigarette and kicked it for good measure. **"Fine, fine, I'm going,"** he muttered, dragging his feet toward the Hokage Building.
The last time Kifune had been in the Hokage's office was over half a year ago. Back then, he was just a fresh-faced Genin doing missions with his team. This time, though, the atmosphere was... **different.** Tense. Like someone had replaced the air with awkward silence.
And then he saw him. Sitting in a chair, cane in hand, looking like he'd just stepped out of a villain convention—**Danzo.** The guy gave off major *"I-eat-puppies-for-breakfast"* vibes. Kifune's brain immediately went into overdrive: *Don't make eye contact. Don't breathe too loudly. Maybe if I stand really still, he'll think I'm a potted plant.*
Thankfully, Sarutobi Hiruzen broke the silence. **"Kifune is here."**
**"Hokage-sama,"** Kifune said, bowing slightly. He stood there awkwardly, waiting for the inevitable.
Sarutobi Hiruzen tapped his pipe on the table. **"...Smoke less with Asuma."**
Kifune glanced at the Hokage's pipe, then at his own imaginary cigarette. *Pot, meet kettle.* But he wisely kept his mouth shut and replied, **"Yes, Hokage-sama."**
The Hokage continued, **"How's your training? Have you been keeping up?"**
Kifune hesitated. **"Uh, I've been a bit busy with the morgue. Might be a little rusty."**
Sarutobi Hiruzen sighed, like a disappointed dad who just found out his kid failed ninja school. **"The ninja world is unstable. You can't afford to fall behind. I'm assigning you a mission."**
Kifune's heart sank. **A mission? Me?** He was half-expecting to be sent to the front lines to fight an army of Rock ninjas with nothing but a rusty kunai. But before he could protest, the Hokage waved his hand, and the office door opened.
In walked three ninjas. One of them was unmistakable—**silver hair, dead fish eyes, and a mask that screamed, *"I'm too cool for emotions." *** It was **Kakashi.**
**"Hokage-sama,"** Kakashi said, his voice as monotone as ever.
Kifune and Kakashi exchanged glances. Kakashi's eye crinkled slightly, as if to say, *Oh, it's you. This should be fun.*
Sarutobi Hiruzen rubbed his temples, looking like a man who'd had one too many paperwork headaches. **"Kakashi's team has a vacancy. After much thought, I've decided you're the best fit, Kifune. You and Kakashi are... familiar with each other."**
Kifune's brain short-circuited. **Familiar?** Sure, they'd crossed paths a few times, but *"familiar"* was a stretch. This was **Kakashi**, the guy who probably had a PhD in being mysterious. And now Kifune was supposed to join his team? This was either a promotion or a death sentence. He wasn't sure which.
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### **Author's Note:
Hey there, readers! So, **Kifune's** life just got a whole lot more interesting. One minute he's chilling with corpses, the next he's being dragged into Kakashi's squad. What's next? Will Kifune survive Kakashi's *"special"* training? Will Danzo try to recruit him into Root? Will Asuma ever stop smoking long enough to confess to Kurenai? Stay tuned for the next chapter, where Kifune learns that being a ninja is less about cool jutsu and more about surviving awkward team dynamics.
Also, fun fact: **Kifune's rocking chair** is now officially a character in this story. It's seen more action than most Genin.
Until next time, keep your kunai sharp and your ramen hot! 🔥
To be continued...