After an entire week of shoveling what Daric only referred to as "essence fertilizer," he was finally allowed to leave the village. Armed with bruised pride, a sack of suspiciously warm coins, and a new title (Chickenbane), Daric set his sights on the next phase of his journey: Ascending the Ladder of Heroes.
The Ladder, according to ancient texts (and a particularly chatty goat), was a colossal, mystical structure that allowed heroes to ascend to greater realms of existence. Legends spoke of it being enchanted, wise, and "totally safe if you didn't do anything stupid."
Daric, being Daric, immediately decided to "speedrun it."
Upon arriving at the base of the Ladder, he tilted his head back. It vanished into the clouds above, impossibly tall and built from gleaming silver vines.
[New Quest: Climb the Ladder of Heroes. Warning: Falling is extremely embarrassing.]
Undeterred, Daric grinned and grabbed the first rung.
"Here we go, baby!" he whooped, starting the climb at full speed.
Twenty feet up, he slipped.
He dangled awkwardly, legs kicking.
"Nope, not today!" he shouted, hauling himself back up with all the grace of a wet cat.
Slowly, painfully, Daric climbed. Other would-be heroes passed him, each giving polite nods. One elf even offered him a protein bar, which Daric accepted gratefully before immediately dropping it.
At 500 feet, things got weird.
The Ladder shifted.
Suddenly, Daric found himself upside-down, climbing through what could only be described as "the low-budget version of a Salvador Dalí painting." Dripping clocks, singing flowers, and a disgruntled turtle floated lazily past.
"Am I high?" Daric muttered.
[No, just mildly enchanted.]
Thank you, system.
By the time he reached the halfway point, Daric was delirious, mumbling to himself and threatening to fight gravity in single combat.
At 1,000 feet, a new obstacle presented itself: aggressive squirrels. They wore tiny bandanas and wielded acorns like grenades.
"Is this legal?!" Daric shouted, fending off a particularly nimble squirrel named Kevin (according to his name tag).
[New Challenge: Squirrel Brigade. Defeat or negotiate.]
Daric chose to negotiate, offering half a loaf of stale bread from his pack. The squirrels accepted, but not before exacting "the toll": drawing a crude mustache on Daric's face with berry juice.
"This is fine," he whispered to no one.
Higher still he climbed, now looking ridiculous but determined.
At 2,000 feet, the air grew thin, and Daric began hallucinating again—this time seeing motivational posters floating around:
"Hang in there! (Literal advice.)""You're halfway to heroism!""Failure is just falling… and falling… and falling…"
"Shut up, floating cat poster," Daric muttered.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity of squirrels, gravity insults, and his muscles screaming louder than a bard at karaoke night, Daric saw the top: a golden platform bathed in radiant light.
Summoning every ounce of energy left in his aching body, Daric lunged upward—and missed.
He fell.
It was a long, humiliating fall.
As he plummeted, the system offered helpful commentary:
[You are descending at 32 ft/sec^2.]
[Would you like to review basic physics principles?]
[Maybe next time, champ.]
Daric landed with a tremendous splat in a massive haystack at the base of the Ladder.
He lay there, face buried in hay, contemplating every decision that had led him to this moment.
A small squirrel hopped onto his chest, dropped an acorn, and patted his face sympathetically.
[Quest Failed: First Attempt at Ascension.]
[New Title Unlocked: The Hay King.]
Rolling onto his back, Daric stared up at the Ladder, which now seemed to be laughing at him. Or maybe that was just the squirrels.
Either way, Daric grinned fiercely.
"Round two," he said.
And with heroic stubbornness, he dusted himself off, fixed his berry mustache proudly, and prepared to climb once again.
Heroes weren't defined by how often they succeeded.
They were defined by how many times they got up after being hilariously, spectacularly flattened.