"You're amazing, Louie. You won so quickly."
"Thank you for your praise. I'm honored. Though, the enemies were quite weak. Nevertheless, I'm glad you are unharmed."
He'd taken care of them all in less than ten minutes. That earned him praise from all the women in our group.
"Well done. That was an excellent display of skills. We didn't even have to lift a finger."
"Umm, Riza. You're making it far too obvious."
"I don't mind it. You wanted to see the extent of my abilities, didn't you? It's the obvious thing to do in your situation. Your actions haven't upset me whatsoever. With that in mind, how was I? Is it fair to assume that I passed?"
Babylon smirked and nodded.
"Yes. You're clearly not going just a braggart, Ludvig. I'm glad to have met such a reliable man. We'll give our thanks and make it up to you later. For now, let's move. Remaining here any longer isn't the best idea."
"Truly. If we waste too much time here, more enemies may come. It's best for us to retreat at once."
"Understood. Let us go, then. Is that all right with you, Claudia?"
"Yes. And thank you again. You're quite the gentleman. I'm actually a little moved and—"
"Hold on."
Unable to bear their dumb banter any longer, I cut her words short.
The reason why Claudia called him a gentleman was pretty damn obvious.
And at the same time — really fucking stupid.
"Why the fuck are you letting these shits live?"
Ludvig didn't kill a single one of the soldiers. They were all tied up and littered over the ground around us.
Seriously, what kind of idiot left enemies alive when fighting them in their turf?
"More of them will come if we fuck around, right? All the more reason to take care of these fuckers for good. They saw our faces and heard us talk. Let them live and we'll only get more of them on our asses."
"Bey..."
Babylon tugged on my sleeve. I shook her off, since I was totally right.
Of course, even a thousand of those weaklings wouldn't have done shit to me, but that wasn't the case with Claudia. Considering all the stupid comments these women gave me about the "sense of danger" or whatever, getting rid of the assholes was the only real option.
With that in mind, I walked up to and looked down on one of them before casually crushing his heads beneath my boot.
It sounded like I just smashed a ripe fruit. Blood and brains gushed out, and I felt a pleasantly refreshing sensation under my feet.
"..."
"...You cur."
"What? Got a problem, you dumbass?"
One of the Vatican's executioners had no business putting on these stupid airs. I glared at him as I unhesitatingly crushed another head.
"Bey! Stop that right now!"
*Shut up, bitch."
I wasn't doing anything wrong. There wasn't a single fucking reason for them to get on my case.
As I stepped on another head, I began to feel a certain kind of affinity toward the weaklings.
They were panicking, crying, struggling to escape, and wailing that they didn't want to die, making it obvious with every single part of their bodies.
There was honesty in that. It was proper, human-like behavior — a normal reaction to impending death, and it gave me peace exactly because I could understand it so easily.
At the very least, they were definitely a whole lot more lovable than the idiots standing before me.
"So just die."
As I finished then off, one after another, I eventually began laughing out loud. I could hear some of the dumbasses spout some shit, but I wasn't listening at all.
Then came the last. He pissed himself and wailed like a hound, but that made him more charming than any whore, and I was sure he'd even prettier with his skull crushed.
I raised my leg, ready to make it happen.
"I told you to stop!"
But before I could bring my foot down, Beatrice punched me from the side.
"The fuck are you doing!?"
I didn't collapse, but since I was on one leg, the hit made me stagger and miss the weakling's head. He was still alive, but the fear made him foam at the mouth and faint.
"I said it once and I'll say it again! Even if it's hypocritical, we should be mindful of our civilians. What do you think you're doing when we have Claudia with us!?"
"...Huh?"
I looked and saw Claudia, completely stiff and at a loss for words. It was almost like she'd lost her voice or something.
"What a contemptible man. Not a hint of reason in his actions at all. You mad mutt. There are limits to idiocy."
"Bey, you have to consider the time and place. I know this is you we're talking about, but this really doesn't take all that much thought."
I was about to snap and go wild, but Babylon's whisper made me understand the situation here.
None of them planned on letting the weaklings live, but they wanted to do the "good soldier" act and keep Claudia from seeing something she didn't have to.
And now, because of me not seeing their games, all their plans had gone to waste.
Fucking hell. I tried to kill the mood and made it even worse than I wanted.
"Are you all right? Mentality, I mean."
"Ah, yes... Well, I'm certainly a bit surprised. But what Wilhelm said is absolutely correct. In the end, it's my fault. I am a burden to you all..."
"There's no need for you to mind it. I was too naïve. I failed to consider that there could be someone so thoughtless among us."
I wanted to sank my fist in his face right then and there, but Beatrice, pissed as all hell, was holding me back. Not like I couldn't break out and do what I wanted, but the situation wasn't serious enough for me to do that.
I realized that anything I tried at that point would just backfire. Since I'd messed up, I had no business acting on my pride.
"Fuck..."
I had Beatrice let me go. Once freed, I just looked at them, clicked my tongue, turned around, and fucked off.
"You fool... You went too far just now."
"Bey, like I said before, return to where we first gathered."
"Yeah, yeah, I get it."
I didn't regret killing those shits In front of Claudia, and I definitely didn't think it was an actual mistake.
However, I definitely found it pointless.
After all, scaring her didn't bring me any closer to my goal. By that point, I figured that it wouldn't have had any effect.
You'll know the reason for that soon enough. I'll tell you all about it, I swear.
You'll understand why I found her so incomprehensible and disgusting.
And so...
"There's no one here, damn it."
I'd walked around the forest until I I returned to the side of the pond. This was the place we first gathered at, yet I was the only one who came. I didn't think they left me, but at the same time, I could totally imagine Beatrice pulling something like that.
Not like I cared if she did, but still, the situation pissed me off. It actually revived the anger I'd just suppressed.
"Man, fuck this shit..."
This whole situation was absurd. I normally knew what made me irritated, but what I was feeling was still a bit too much for me.
Why? Fuck if I know. At the very least, I didn't think this was just jealousy or disgrace or whatever the fuck.
After all, those feelings faded as fast as they came. They were just a matter of damaged pride and anger at being looked down upon.
I had a concrete image of what I was and didn't like being underestimated. Whenever that happened, I'd just go and prove them wrong. Hell, I'd even have fun imagining myself doing it.
That was why my current rage was different. It didn't transform into any kind of pleasure as time passed. Instead, it simply gnawed deeper and deeper into me.
"Ta-da! The wait is over! Little Claudia is here!"
My irritation was much like the fear you'd direct at something you couldn't understand.
It was the most bothersome emotion in my eyes.
"E-Eh? Why the face? Did I say it wrong? Did I mess up? Just so you're aware, it took quite a lot to say something that embarrassing."
She'd walked out from behind a tree and began speaking nonsense that made me heave a long sigh.
Anyone with a normal mentality would never approach me after seeing what I'd done back there, yet she did exactly that. I honestly had no idea what went on in her head.
"I'm used to you messing up. If you have time to waste on such stupid shit, then..."
"Yes?"
Her puzzled expression always made me sigh again. This one, though, was of resignation.
"Nothing. Where's the others?"
"Oh. Well... Riza went to prepare a means of transport for us, and the others joined her."
"And you stayed behind? Surprised Beatrice allowed it."
"She did speak out against it, but I wanted some time alone with you."
I gave her a questioning look. Claudia smiled and softened her tone.
"Because you seemed lonely. You're quite upset, aren't you? I felt that it might be my fault."
"Huh, and why?"
"Hmm... That question is somewhat hard because I have far too many answers."
She began naming them while counting them on her fingers.
"Because you see me as useless?"
"Cause you are."
"Because I do nothing but make life more bothersome for you?"
"Ain't that obvious?"
"Because you don't like people of faith?"
Affirming that would've been a waste of my breath.
"Is that why you don't like Louie?"
I felt my eyebrows twitch. She noticed and made a strange expression.
It looked flustered, troubled, and frightened at the same time.
And yet, there was also a hint of elation.
"O-Oh my... I see. I see how it is now. I didn't believe it when Beatrice told me, but if it's true... What a predicament."
"What is?"
"I mean, seeing us get along made you feel this and that... You know... B-Basically, that's how you see me, no? No, that can't be. That could never happen. What a nonsense! It's forbidden! Oh dear, what a sinful you are!"
"Woman..."
I did tons of things that could be considered "sins," so yeah, I was pretty damn sinful and fully deserving of a scolding.
But none of what I did had anything to do with whatever she was thinking... I've probably already made that clear, but honestly, I'm not too sure now.
Regardless, I did call her stupid for thinking that.
"Don't get uppity with me, you dumbass. Yeah, you and that shithead pissed me off, but the reason isn't that stupid."
"Oh come now... 'Stupid?' That's just mean."
"I don't have any feelings like that."
I went and made myself as clear as possible.
"You know how you call yourself 'half a person?' In terms of that, I'm basically the same. There's not a inch of love or romance in me."
"Wilhelm..."
"So yeah, quit making stupid assumptions, got it?"
I had no idea why, but I went on to look away from her, and had to stifle a surge of feelings I didn't like one bit.
Claudia watched me intently and must have gotten some dumb Ideas in her head, because what she said next was really weird, even for her.
"Then I shall be the one to give you those feelings."
"Huh?"
Unable to process what she just said, I looked up and saw her aim a faint smile at me.
Claudia looked as though she finally found whatever she'd been searching for.
Her silver hair glistened in the moonlight as her bright white skin became a bit flushed.
At that moment, she looked like a rose to me.
"You and I are both Noah's children. We're two half-persons... That means that if we share what we have, we should be able to become whole and evolve as people. You will teach me of light, while I teach you of love. We shall thoroughly show each other how dear and splendid such things are. That would be such a beautiful balance. Don't you agree?"
"Wait, so..."
She was actually saying that she'd make me fall for her. It was definitely something to chuckle at, and that was exactly what I did.
"Is it that funny? Am I not good enough?"
"Hold on, didn't you say that it's sinful or some shit?"
"I did, but I just realized that being loved is perfectly acceptable. I just have to avoid reciprocating."
"You little..."
Her playful manner of speaking combined with the conceit in her words actually left me somewhat baffled.
"Becoming your first love sounds simply wonderful. It seems like an excellent way to make it up to you. I would be your first, correct?"
"..."
"Wilhelm?"
I scratched my head, thought "Ah, fuck it," and just said it.
"Shut up, damn it. But yeah, I can't deny that."
At that moment, I grew aware of the fact that I was lacking and that what she was talking about was perfect to fix that flaw.
I'd robbed hundreds and killed thousands, but could any of that really be called something I truly made mine?
For example, pushing Claudia down and raping her right then and there would have been child's play to me.
But there wouldn't be a bit of love in that. It would be an unauthentic destruction — completely unlike that of Lord Heydrich's.
Despite claiming to be one of His Claws and Fangs, all I did was break whatever came in sight.
It was clumsy. There was no emotion to it. Hell, you could even compare it to a cow eating its feed and shitting it out.
Because of that, I figured that I would never really have anything until I understood my own kind of love.
Upon thinking that, I felt as though Helga started to giggle. Over the course of my life, she was the only one I'd sworn to kill and actually followed through on.
And honestly, she was also the only one I felt I had to kill.
That made me wonder whether that meant I loved her, and in order to get the answer, I knew I had to kill Claudia.
Since the night I'd killed my mother, she was the only person who had a soul and death that seemed valuable to me.
If Helga was the one who'd brought about my rebirth, Claudia was the first one I wanted to sink my vampiric fangs — my love — into.
Thus, I would get her to bloom, make her wither, and then take her for myself. The meaning and necessity of that act was clearer to me than ever before.
And that was exactly why...
"What about you? Ever been in love?"
...She disgusted and pissed me off to no end. Just like with Mercurius, there was something about him that I just couldn't understand.
The documents given to me by Samiel had made it even more obvious.
"Sadly, no. It's sinful, after all."
"Because you'll die?"
She was at a lost for words, and her shoulders shook — a brief, yet obvious display of surprise and panic.
However, there wasn't a single hint of fear in any of her mannerisms.
"All of us die someday."
A bright smile adorned her face as she said that. Not a single tear rolled down her cheeks.
"But you'll die a whole lot earlier than most of us."
I looked straight into her eyes.
Claudia Jerusalem had less than a month of life left in her.
The documents were her clinical records, complete with a final conclusion.
"...Oh dear. What a predicament. How nosy of you. I didn't expect you to know."
And yet, she was acting like a child caught red-handed in an act of mischief.
Despite being on the verge of death, she didn't express a hint of negativity. It made her seem somewhat... Transparent.
"Indeed, I do not have much time left. But consider this, Wilhelm. Do those souls you gather and use really get 'consumed?' Do they merely vanish and stop existing? I do not believe so."
"What're you getting at?"
"Basically..."
Claudia paused and looked up at the moon. She acted like she was looking at something precious — as if that was the land she was seeking.
"...I believe souls that have been loved use bliss as guidance to take them to a better place."
And if that was true, the loved souls wouldn't vanish even if they were used as magic fuel.
"But if I start loving you, I might become unable to depart this life. Leftover regrets and wishes would keep me tied to this plane. And I might become something unlike myself... Or perhaps something inhuman."
Like Helga.
Claudia had no way of knowing this, but she was basically saying that she didn't want to become a being within me that lived for my love while constantly bathing in blood.
"That would be very sinful. It would become a curse that would make you suffer. And that's why I will not allow it to happen."
She would make me fall for her and just be satisfied from the joy of having done that.
She believed that saving me would bring salvation to herself.
"Therefore, I'd prefer it if you didn't try resisting this. It would be silly of you to do that, really. I will be satisfied with just giving you what you lack. I won't be around for long, after all... So, before my life fades away, I would like you to tell me it was worth something."
There wasn't a hint of hesitation in her words.
However, I could neither understand, nor tolerate someone who spoke as if death was given.
She wasn't struggling overcome it, didn't even seem to want to. That really bothered me.
After all, that's what I was — and still am — doing. My intention was to become a creature unknown to death.
I would be a true ancestor — the indestructible rose of Lord Heydrich's Valhalla.
"I must say, though, this has been quite a bland conversation. I know that I propagated it myself, but you lose points for this. Wouldn't this moment be far better if the 'gentleman' noticed a subtle change in the lady?"
"Shut up."
From that moment, I had a clear vision of what I had to do.
I had to make her say just one thing — that she didn't want to die. And there was only one surefire way to do that.
My goal wouldn't be complete until I achieved that objective.