That little war with the Uchiha turned out to be useful—I think I've found my calling: brewing potions and driving people up the wall. Just thinking about the Hokage's face as he hightailed it out of my hospital room lifts my spirits. But now I've got a problem named Tsukiko Ichiha. She came to visit me that day and overheard part of my rant to the Third. Either she misheard or misunderstood, but my reputation with her shot up to 5,200. Now I can barely walk around the village alone. She's useful, though—her grandpa's shop, a junk dealer's paradise, had a still coil I bought immediately.
It took a few days to assemble a moonshine setup. The locals drink garbage—I'm going to introduce them to real booze. My grandpa made moonshine that store-bought vodka couldn't touch, and his berry liqueurs were magical. He taught me the craft, which came in handy during my student days. We built a still in the dorm, but the dorm warden caught us and confiscated it. Still, it had its perks—bribing our way past rules got easier.
I didn't get to experiment with my new setup, though. A girl, about seven, moved into the apartment next door and immediately came to introduce herself. The introduction was… unique.
I heard a knock, thought it was Tsukiko coming to nag me again, but instead, a redheaded girl stood there, smiling sweetly.
— I'm your new neighbor, here to introduce myself. — She said with that same sweet smile.
— Uh… Nice to meet you. I'm Naruto Uzumaki. — I froze, caught off guard by her demeanor.
— Yasuka Takaya. — She bowed lightly, still smiling sweetly.
I collapsed right there, laughing hysterically for ten minutes. Even my Gamer's Mind couldn't help. The girl—well, this kid—tried to calm me down and figure out what was so funny. When I finally pulled myself together, she reintroduced herself like nothing happened. This time, I laughed standing up instead of rolling on the floor. She realized I was laughing at her name and asked what was so funny about it, but her expression sent me back to the floor. Eventually, I just crawled deeper into my apartment to escape.
After recovering from the introduction, I checked my reputation notifications: it dropped by 200 with her, then another 500. But her personal reputation with me was -3,600—she clearly didn't like me from the start. Yet her behavior didn't match that number.
I don't have reason to distrust the numbers—my deep negative rep with the Uchiha matches their attitude. So something's off with her.
Checking my full reputation log threw me for a loop. My rep with the Third improving wasn't surprising, but 2,500 positive rep with Danzo? That, plus my new neighbor, makes me suspicious.
It's obvious I'm being watched—Gopher's on duty. So why send her? Not for surveillance, probably to give me a "close friend." It didn't work with Teuchi—his smug face annoys me, and his ramen's suspicious. I'm sure she's a plant, likely from the Third. Since the ramen plan failed, he's trying a new angle. It can't be Danzo—he's got bigger things to worry about, and my socialization shouldn't concern him. In the anime, he seemed like a guy who preferred extreme solutions.
In the following days, she kept trying to befriend me. I didn't resist much—why bother? I'll play along with a light friendship, let them think it worked. Thanks to her eagerness, I pawned Tsukiko off on her, freeing up my time. Tsukiko can talk anyone to death—after 20 minutes, you want to strangle her, and she doesn't even mean to. But my neighbor's a willing listener. I wonder how long she'll last. Now, whenever Tsukiko visits, I invite Yasuka over, leave them alone for an hour under the pretense of making tea and snacks, then send them home after. Each time Yasuka sees me at the door with my "32-teeth-isn't-the-limit" smile and hears the invite for tea, her rep with me drops by 10. But she keeps smiling and acting like she's having a blast. What a loss for the acting world.
With those problems sorted—by siccing one on the other, letting them cancel each other out—I got back to my quest. I'd delayed it too long. My first target was a young Uchiha kunoichi who worked in Konoha's police force, often patrolling the streets. The plan was simple: "accidentally" bump into her, activate the skill, and move on to the next target. The first two parts went smoothly, but the last part hit a snag.
After I apologized for bumping into her and stepped back, I felt a murderous aura behind me. Turning around, I saw the kunoichi slowly facing me, her Sharingan flaring to life with a second tomoe, her killing intent spiking.
My escape attempt failed miserably—she caught up fast, slammed me into the ground, and started searching me. Finding nothing in my pockets, she began tearing off my clothes. I screamed at the top of my lungs for the whole village to hear.
— Help! They're killing me!!! — But the passersby's smug faces showed they'd gladly help her.
— AAA! Help! Perverted older sister! She's assaulting me!!! — That scream worked. Not only the passersby but also the Uchiha froze in shock.
The show didn't continue. Her partner ran over, pulled her off me, calmed her down, and took me to the hospital. I had a dislocated arm, a broken nose, and plenty of scrapes from my rough landing.
The next morning, the hospital was in chaos. The duty nurse found me still in bed—normally, I'd escape within five hours, even after being stabbed with a kunai, fully healed. But I'd been there a full day with no sign of recovery.
It was because of a debuff the Uchiha slapped on me: "Victim of Righteous Wrath." It completely blocked my regeneration for 36 hours.
While I was there, the Hokage visited, asking about my health and life—big mistake. I told him all about how a poor, innocent, harmless orphan like me got attacked by a pervert who nearly defiled me in the middle of the street, with some colorful embellishments.
The Third choked on his pipe smoke at the juiciest parts but endured my nonsense. Judging by the nurses' burning ears, the rumors would spread fast.
The rising rep with Danzo again was a bit unsettling, though.
These Uchiha are so ungrateful. I'm practically boosting their clan's combat potential—three kunoichi have already evolved their Sharingan to the next stage thanks to me. But instead of thanks, I get punched in the face. It'd be easier to finish the quest on others, but there's always a "but." In my case, it's stats—they grow like crazy in these skirmishes. In just a week, I raised Strength by 1, Dexterity by 2, Speed by 3, Endurance by 5, Intuition by 4, Will by 2, and Control by 6. So I'll finish the quest on Uchiha out of principle.
Two weeks later, I completed it, picking up the "Shadow Concealment" skill along the way and leveling it nicely, which helped me finish. Now all the Uchiha kunoichi patrol the village with active Sharingan—they can't spot me in the shadows unless I move. All except one. That was a bust.
I ambushed her, jumped out of the shadows, grabbed her leg, and activated the skill—only to get a failure message. Seeing my shocked face, she smirked.
— Hm. I don't wear any. — And strutted off proudly.
I always suspected the Uchiha were unhinged, but now I'm 100% sure.
What's that about grabbing a book and pressing "learn"? Nope, it's reading and practice—hardcore only. That's what I thought as I stared at the Henge scroll I'd earned.
I studied the technique in the sewer to avoid Gopher spotting me. He's been on edge lately, even slacking on the job—probably personal life drama. Let him relax at work; it's not taxing. He just sits in a tree and watches, occasionally pulling me away from an exploding pot—not like chasing nukenin through forests.
Learning the technique took a month in the barrier—five days in real time. It was harder than I expected.
Henge is a dense illusion around your body with a ton of flaws. First, you need a crystal-clear image of what you're mimicking, including every movement—imagining and maintaining details like how clothes move while walking or in the wind is tough. That's where Academy kids fail when they try to buy stuff posing as adults. Second, it constantly drains chakra, and any decent sensor will instantly know it's fake. It works on genin and some chunin, but anyone more experienced will see through it.
It's great for training Control, though—I raised mine by 23 points perfecting it.
I think partial Henge is more effective—changing hair, eye, skin, or clothing color. I focused on that but practiced full transformations too. Sometimes I used Henge to mess with Gopher.
Picture this: early morning, I crawl out of bed, yawning, heading to the bathroom—nothing unusual, except for the fox ears on my head and nine fluffy fox tails trailing behind me.
After closing the bathroom door and dispelling the technique, I heard a thud from the tree outside and some cursing as the source quickly fled toward the Hokage Tower.
Three minutes later, a squad of ANBU was at my door.
— You need to come to the hospital immediately. — Gopher said from the doorway.
— Why? I feel fine. — I put on my most innocent face, blinking.
— Routine checkup. Get ready, we'll escort you.
— As you say, Gopher-san.
— I'm Cat. — He corrected me.
— Got it, Gopher-san. So, we going?
At the hospital, they only checked the seal, found nothing, and let me go. I bet Gopher's in for a scolding—he shouldn't slack off. Speaking of, I need a new pot; the old one's done for. Guess I'll visit Tsukiko again. I'll bring Yasuka along—let her deal with Tsukiko's chatter while I pick out a new pot.
Today, luck finally smiled on me. While strolling through the park as usual, I heard a girl's quiet crying and loud laughter from behind some bushes. Here I come, my future fourth-size darling—I'm on my way!
I burst out of the bushes, yelling: — Scram in terror, you imbeciles!
But the scene before me was off. One crying girl—check. Three imbeciles bullying her—check. But the girl wasn't Hinata; she was a genin, judging by her headband. And the three weren't clanless scrubs—they were chunin. One had a tattooed face—an Inuzuka—and there was a massive dog I hadn't noticed at first.
— Who're you calling imbeciles, you little punk?! — The Inuzuka growled. — Atsuro, take him! — He commanded his dog.
The beast leaped at me in one bound, knocked me down, and bit my arm. In shock, I didn't think—just bit the dog back and activated "Death God's Visage" and "Yaki." Since the damage wasn't lethal, the dog didn't die—it whimpered, tucked its tail, and ran.
That pissed off the Inuzuka. He threw a kunai into the shoulder of my good arm and started walking toward me slowly. With no more attack skills, "Death God's Visage" on a one-hour cooldown, and both arms out of commission, I had to improvise. I did a head-over-heels roll toward him, tumbling a few meters to close the gap, then lunged and bit his leg.
They didn't expect that. When I channeled chakra, mana, and the Fox's chakra into my bite, he howled louder than his dog. His friends snapped out of their shock and tried to pull me off—unsuccessfully. Eventually, one of them had the bright idea to knock me out, then pry me off the dog boy's leg.
I woke up in my usual hospital room—do they reserve this one for me? I always end up here. But that's not important. What matters is I got owned again. What the hell? I'm a transmigrator with a Gamer system—I'm supposed to dominate, not get dominated. That's it, I'm living by Grandpa Lenin's creed now: Grind, grind, and grind some more.
Let's see what the system spammed me with during the fight.
Param-pam-pam.
Congratulations!!!
Achievement Unlocked: "Aspiring Korean"
To evolve the achievement, finish eating the pupper.
"Aspiring Korean":
Dog meat dishes grant x2 to all stats for 10 minutes.
Reputation with Inuzuka Clan members: -1500.
I should invite that pupper for dinner—as the main course. Double stats? For that, I'd eat not just the ninken but its owner too. Though I did bite him—maybe I'll get another achievement.
Param-pam-pam.
Congratulations!!!
Skill Created Through Action: "Toothy Bun Attack" Unleveled — Roll and Bite. Krites Approve.
"Toothy Bun Attack":
Tumbling movement speed x3.
Bite attack damage x10.
3% chance to stun the enemy for 10 seconds.
1% chance to inflict psychological trauma on the target.
I was just complaining about my lack of attack skills—not anymore. Maybe I should visit a temple to atone for my sins; things might get easier.
Param-pam-pam.
Congratulations!!!
Achievement Unlocked: "Malicious Bun"
"Malicious Bun":
25% chance to be summoned to carnivorous alien hedgehogs (Krites) when using free-summoning techniques.
25% chance they won't eat you.
I'm never using free-summoning techniques. What even are Krites?
— System, hello? Can you give me some info for once? Pretty please? — I even used "Puss in Boots Eyes."
Image available. Display?
Yes/No
I hit "Yes"—when else will the system be this generous? — Orochimaru as my wife, what the *#$@% is this?!
Processing request…
— And I jinxed it again.
Request denied.
Gain more positive reputation with Orochimaru and try again.
Thank all the gods, I dodged that bullet. Alright, what's next?
Param-pam-pam.
Congratulations!!!
Skill Created Through Action: "Bite of the UNKNOWN THING" Level Unknown.
"Bite of the UNKNOWN THING":
Inflicted wounds heal 10x slower.
Wounds received cannot be healed for 1 hour.
3% chance the bitten target becomes a blue-eyed blond.
I'm speechless, but I definitely need to bite an Uchiha with this—it'll be hilarious. Moving on.
Param-pam-pam.
Congratulations!!!
Skill Created Through Action: "Steel Jaws" Level 38.
"Steel Jaws":
Your jaws are as strong as steel, with a grip like a bear trap.
Chakra/Mana Cost: 100
Cooldown: 1 minute 40 seconds.
That was expected. Nice—Endurance up by 2, Will by 1, and Control by 5. Not bad. One last message, then I'm out of this hospital.
Param-pam-pam.
Congratulations!!!
Hidden Quest Completed: "Deus Ex Machina from the Bushes"
As every transmigrator knows, when you're stuck in a hopeless situation, a convenient plot device always pops out of the nearest bushes to save the day—like a shiny bonus just for you!
Reward: Skill "Dramatic Damage Ignorance" Level Over-the-Top.
"Dramatic Damage Ignorance":
For 5 minutes, you can dramatically ignore all damage.
Chakra/Mana Cost: 0.
Cooldown: 5 years.
So that girl was a transmigrator, and I ended up being her convenient "plot device from the bushes"—her lucky break! I need to hit the temple and atone for my sins ASAP. Though the skill's awesome—I could flip off Kaguya for five whole minutes and be fine. Too bad the cooldown's so long, but it could save me in a real pinch.