What do you see when you die? I saw white light and I heard voices.
"Her pulse is stable, I'm glad you…."
The voice faded.
"Such a young girl, what was she…"
They faded again.
At last, I woke up. My eyes opened slightly. I was too weak to take them further. My neck was stiff and my whole body numb. I felt light-headed and I couldn't speak. I could only see blurred pictures of everything.
I closed them; my two eyes, because at that moment I didn't believe I was alive. I think it was somewhere around 1'o'clock in the afternoon when I opened my eyes again. I felt stronger.
I still couldn't move my neck, but it felt like I could say a word or two. There was a nurse standing next to me, holding my blood bag.
I reached out and lightly pulled on her white coat. She turned.
"Oh my, you are awake. Don't worry, I'm going to get a doctor."
She patted me gently on the head and left hurriedly. In just a few seconds, she was back with a fellow in white & blue. He read my pulse, checked my heartbeat and my pupils. He gave the nurse some instructions to bring some things. They sounded like drugs. She left immediately. The doctor looked at me and waved his head in disappointment.
"You youngsters, one thing happens to you, and you already want to die. Do you know how expensive life is? I have worked here for twenty years and every year, I meet more than two thousand people fighting to stay alive and more than a hundred thousand parents willing to meet the devil just to save their own. Let's not even begin to talk about the patients begging me to save their lives as if I'm God, but you choose to remove yours like it's worth nothing," he looked away.
"...and drowning?" he turned to me again with more intensity in his words.
"What were you even thinking? Do you even have a heart? You almost damage those precious organs that could have saved others. At least if you don't want to live, give your life to others."
*Huh* he exhaled, calming himself.
It was clear that he was very angry and the only thing keeping him from smacking me was his Professionalism.
The ward room door opened, another man walked in. I rolled my eyes away so I would not see who it was… well, it was more so I could hold back my tears.
At that moment, I didn't know whether to hate myself or to regret what I had done.
"How is she?" the man asked.
"She will live, but we still have to run some tests and observe her for a few more days so we can be sure she didn't sustain any form of brain damage. There are some other things we are suspecting might occur, but we haven't seen any signs so other than the broken neck, we hope for the best."
"I see. Thank you, Professor."
"Ah, no need for formalities, just call me Jeremy; and I insist."
The doctor took another glance at me. "Well, I will leave you two alone."
They shook hands and then the doctor left. The man pulled a seat close to me and sat down.
"At least look at me." He said.
I looked. My heart skipped, my breath hitching immediately.
'Damn. It's the Chief.'
"How do you feel?"
"Terrible." I replied indifferently. His first reaction to my response was a warm smile.
"How did you find me?" I asked, ignoring his previous reaction.
"Psychology. When a time bomb blows up. It takes itself along. The moment I heard you returned to your empty house I knew immediately that you would try something like that. So I hurried down to your place with a letter that suspended your punishment. I knew that if I advised you to go stay with a friend, you wouldn't listen. I mean, who am I to tell you what to do? So I decided to use work to get you to stay out of that lonely house, but when I got there you had already pulled that stunt."
Then he smiled mischievously.
"What's funny?"
"Never mind."
"I apologize on behalf of Jeremy. His words were too hard on you… but still, he was right. Your life is precious."
"Not without her," I cut in.
"Yeah probably, but she is gone. You can't bring her back. I don't know your friend well, but I know that she would never want you to kill yourself. If you really love her that much, LIVE ON. People die, Noni. When that happens, you find new love to replace it, not you die with them. Even if it can't be replaced, at least it will mend your heart a little."
I held back my tears.
"Damn you." I muttered.
He slipped his hand under my back and raised me up a little. He sat on the bed and let me lie on his lap. He took out his handkerchief and wiped my tears.
"I think you should concentrate on getting some rest first."
I closed my eyes.
'It's been a long time since I ever felt this peaceful and…. He smells like peaches'
.....
He slipped out of my bed and set me down gently. He sat back on the chair he had pulled to the bed previously. I hadn't fallen asleep yet, but he didn't know.
"She looks so young, and yet she has already been through so much. This life really sucks."
After that, there were no words from him again.
Few seconds passed before, I felt firm fingers touch my lips. That instant, I held my breath. The sensation of his touch instantly left me breathless.
'What is he doing?' I wondered.
His fingers ran across my lower lip. Then I heard the chair creak. He must have got up. He definitely got up because I could feel his breath on my cheek. Fingers ran down my face, holding up my chin.
My breath seized.
My heart paused.
My muscles contracted.
He came closer that's when I felt it; The weight of his lips on mine. The heavy scent coming off his perfume. His touch was gentle and tender.
I had never been kissed with so much passion before. I wanted it to last, but I couldn't hold him back when he pulled away. He didn't sit back down, instead he said to me.
"I'm sorry. I know I have no right, but I like you. I will make it up to you, I promise." And he left my ward. I opened my eyes.
At that moment, I was cold and too weak to move but my heart… felt so warm.
'Is this what new love feels like?'
'I don't think I want to die anymore.'