I looked at Barry.
"Think we can survive this, bud?"
Barry glowed his one flower, burped, and swayed over. I think that's the way he probably said yes. Good talk.
The morning came way too fast. The Birds screeched somewhere above like the volume paid them. My spine ached from sleeping on a tree branch shaped like a question mark, and Barry had rolled over my face sometime during the night like he was declaring dominance.
"Barry, get off. Your pot is in my mouth."
He chirped indignantly and sat on my chest like he was royalty.
Just then, a familiar ding! echoed in my ears, followed by a shimmering hologram exploding into life before me like a confetti cannon loaded with smugness.
And there he was.
Shiv.
Hovering midair, spinning like a lazy rotisserie chicken. His fur glowed unnaturally clean, and his expression? Smugger than ever.
"Morning, Plant Peasant."
I groaned. "What now, Shiv? Another quest to run screaming from a flower-shaped monster trying to eat me?"
He clapped his paws together, digital paws, mind you, and a menu appeared in front of us with sparkles.
"I figured since you somehow didn't get eaten yesterday, it's time I reward your pathetic attempts at survival. So, behold, your updated system package!"
More sparkles.
More dinging.
Barry sat up straight, sensing something important was happening. His leaves twitched, and his body swayed.
Suddenly, a new interface popped up in front of us:
[ALLY STATUS: BARRY]
Name: Barry
Race: JellyBlubbing plant (Earthians stolen secret weapon)
Skills:
Fluorescent Majesty
Description:
Unlike your average sad, wilting weeds, this plant knows it's the main character. Fluorescent Majesty allows the plant to emit a radiant, supernatural light strong enough to light up the night like a personal spotlight because why shouldn't it be admired 24/7?
Any monster foolish enough to creep close gets a brutal reality check: the intense fluorescence doesn't just scare lesser flora into cowering submission, it dominates them, making nearby monster plants shrivel, retreat, or even die on the spot from pure intimidation.
And those who really don't take the hint and dare step into the plant's glow?
Oh, poor them. Say goodbye to vision permanent retinal damage is just part of the VIP treatment. After all, who told them to approach royalty without permission?
Effects:
Emits a powerful, steady light that can be toggled on/off.
Repels or kills weaker monster plants within a wide radius.
Creatures that get too close suffer irreversible blindness (because manners are dead, apparently).
Grants the plant an aura of smug, untouchable superiority.
Notice: Useasable only at night
Skill: Sovereign Sense
Description:
Why wait for trouble when you can sense it coming from miles away and look fabulous while doing it? With Sovereign Sense, this glorious plant detects every movement, breath, and footstep within its dominion. Whether it's a sneaky monster, a clumsy adventurer, or just a leaf falling wrong, nothing escapes its smug notice.
The plant doesn't just sense intruders — it judges them. Hard.
If anyone steps into its range, the plant instinctively ranks their threat level from "laughably pathetic" to "mildly interesting," often choosing to bathe them in blinding fluorescence just to remind them who's boss.
Effects:
Passive detection of all life forms within a wide radius (including underground or airborne).
Identifies and categorizes threats automatically.
Allows the plant to "pre-glow" in the direction of intruders, warning them off in the smuggest way possible.
Slight psychological effect: detected enemies feel a sense of being watched... and mocked.
Notice: keep an eye on every swaying Barry does.
"What the!?;He has skills?!"
Barry shrugged innocently, as if to say, "You didn't?"
Shiv floated down, still spinning.
"You chose Botanist, remember? Not 'Battle God' or 'Sword Master Supreme.' Your job isn't to fight directly. Your job is to command your allies, grow your strength, and survive using knowledge."
He turned toward the glowing fluffy plant that wobbled gently in its pot beside me.
"And this little seed gets a stat screen too."
[PLANT UNIT: POD LILY – 'Lil Sippy']
Type: Water Purifier
Affinity: Aqua, Support
Growth Stage: Seedling
Mood: Drowsy But Loyal
Skills:
Salt Filter (Cleanses Water)
Aqua Bubble (Creates small drinkable water orbs)
"I didn't even name him yet!" I exclaimed.
"Too late. Barry named it."
I turned to Barry. "You named the water plant Lil Sippy?"
Barry glowed, I died a little inside.
But then, Shiv snapped his fingers and one more thing floated down into my hands, a thick, leather-bound journal that buzzed slightly with magic. It had glowing green runes and a leaf-shaped clasp.
"This is your Personal Botanist Journal. Trademark pending."
I opened it. Inside, pages were filling themselves with entries—doodles of Coilroots, stats of the Verdisaurus, and notes written in my own handwriting that I definitely didn't write. At least not awake.
It had tabs like:
Appraised Plants
Weaknesses & Reactions
John's Genius Theories (probably wrong)
And at the back…
An inventory.
A whole digital inventory screen, game-style, showing the stuff I'd collected:
Pod Lily Seed (1)
Verdisaurus Seed (1)
Half-Crushed Canteen (leaks)
Last Energy Bar (tragically melting
My jaw dropped.
"You've been holding all this from me?!"
"You had to earn it. And scream a little."
"I almost died!"
"Exactly."
I gave him a look. He grinned wider.
"Here's the deal, Leafbrain, your enemies are coming. Big ones. Sharp ones. Ones with too many legs. And you? You're just a dude with a backpack and a glowing plant with one odd flower."
Barry shook in agreement.
"But now, with this journal, these seeds, and that little brain of yours, you've got a chance. Build your army. Train your plants. Survive."
I looked down at the journal in my hands.
"Guess this means I'm officially a Botanist now."
"Correction," Shiv said with a sly grin. "You're now… a Plant Strategist Class: Bloom Commander. It upgraded the moment you survived the Verdisaurus."
I blinked.
"Wait. I leveled up?"
"And you didn't even die! Impressive."
Barry did a victory sneeze.
I closed the journal, my heart pounding with excitement and anxiety. But mostly excitement. Finally… I had a purpose. A purpose. A chance.
Time to grow some leafy legends.
"Botany for Battle: Shiv's Cursed Gardening Class 101"
I was still reeling from my Bloom Commander upgrade when Shiv started spinning again, looking like a raccoon-shaped disco ball powered by sarcasm.
"Now, before you run off trying to name every leafy friend you find—listen up, Captain Chlorophyll. Growing your army isn't just about seeds."
He conjured a holographic chalkboard with disturbing speed. There was already a doodle of me getting eaten by a shrub.
"There are multiple propagation methods, and I expect you to master all of them if you don't want to become compost."
He pointed to the chalkboard where bullet points wrote themselves:
Battle Botany 101 — How to Multiply Your Monsters:
-Seeds
* Easiest to find, but slow.
*Can be upgraded with nutrients or other plant-based boosts.
Warming: Some plants guard their seeds like treasure.
-Stem Cuttings
* Slice off a healthy stem and plant it.
* Grows a clone of the original.
Warning: DO NOT cut stems from angry plants while they're awake. You will regret it.
-Root Grafting
*Bind a strong root to a compatible one.
*Merges traits—think fusion!
Warning: Can result in unexpected mutations. Fun! Or horrible!
-Apical Division (Top Growth Tips)
*Taking the growth tips can give you a baby version.
*Very delicate. Think baby version of a leafy raptor.
Important reminder: Protect the tip like it's your final brain cell.
-Leaf Cuttings
*Works only on specific plants.
*Must be intact and unchewed. No bite marks or Barry nibble damage.
I blinked. "You're saying I can literally clone killer plants?"
"Clone them, combine them, even upgrade them. But it's not like some cheap mobile game. You mess it up, you lose the sample, and possibly an arm."
Barry held up his head flower. He had seen things. Shiv floated down and poked me in the forehead.
"This is your job now, John. You're the only Botanist Chosen on this hell-planet. You don't get fireballs. You get cuttings and root wars."
"But... why always me?" I muttered.
"Because you're so tragically average, it loops around and becomes unique. Nobody expects the plant guy. That's your edge.
I sighed. Shiv grinned.
"Now go find something leafy and mildly homicidal. You've got a jungle to tame, Commander."
I stared at my hands, then my journal, then at Barry… who was already trying to glow a pod again.
This was going to be one weird war.
Just as I was mentally preparing myself to maybe not die within the next hour, Shiv clapped his tiny fuzzy hands together.
"One more gift, Sproutling."
A puff of green smoke, a shimmering chime, and suddenly a book materialized in midair like it was summoned from a cursed library in Gardening Hell.
It smacked me in the chest with the weight of someone's bad decisions. I caught it. It was warm. Not, like, emotionally warm. Literally warm.
The cover looked alive, brown leather with faint leaf-like veins pulsing under the surface, and a title in gold-inked vines that rearranged themselves until it read:
THE BLOOM BESTIARY: A Botanist's Guide to Monstrous Flora and Their Mood Swings
It opened itself on cue, flipping to a page with an image that looked suspiciously like the coilroot—the snake-like plant that tried to floss its teeth with my intestines.
Its entry blinked at me.
Species: Coilroot
Class: Ambush Vine
Temperament: Salty Hater
Preferred Habitat: Dry soil, riverbanks
Weakness: Saline Exposure
Tastes Like: Pain
Warning: Do not attempt to braid.
I looked up at Shiv.
"You've been holding out on me!"
"Correction: I've been letting you earn it. Besides, what fun is survival if I just hand you the cheat codes on day one?"
I flipped through the pages. Some entries were blank with only silhouettes, terrifying plant shapes with scribbled question marks like ???, ???, DO NOT WATER AFTER MIDNIGHT.
Others were labeled with names like:
Sporehowler — "Shrieks when stepped on. Can attract worse things."
Cactknight — "Armored cactus. May joust you out of spite."
Thornymphs — "Deceptively cute. Absolutely not your friend."
A few entries were faint, almost ghost-like outlines with a note:
"To be discovered. Let's hope you survive the meeting."
Shiv floated beside me, unusually serious for once.
"This book updates as you encounter and survive them. Think of it as your Pokedex of pain. Learn it. Use it. Because every page filled might save your life—or let you grow your next killer companion."
Barry looked at the book curiously. It flipped open to a blank page… then scribbled in glowing ink:
Barry – (Science produce)
Mood: 90% Curious / 10% sleepyhead
Skills: Glow, Absorb, Detect, Portable flash light, Support
I smiled. For once, I didn't feel completely doomed.
Just mostly.