Even when the class is over, I still couldn't move on from what Mae said.
I hope she forgets about it by the time the game arrives. Even though they didn't consider me a true friend, I can't turn them down.
Our reputation would be ruined because I know how Mae is, she hated being rejected.
I'm waiting for Ayana in the car with Mang Joshua. I'm read a book while waiting. I know Aya will take a while because they have cheerleading dance practice.
And don't assume that Aya is the cheerleader because she isn't. She doesn't want the responsibility. She wants to have a freedom to do all she likes.
That's where my sister and I differ. She has no sense of responsibilities, while I have, especially when it came to our family.
I lost focus on the book I was reading when I heard a noise from the gate across our school. We parked by the side of our school gate because it's a hassle to wait for Aya in the parking lot. It's easier out here.
No matter how much I try to ignore the noise in front, it feels like my eyes have a mind of their own.
I involuntarily glanced at the opposite gate and let my eyes roam over the departing students.
I felt like a madwoman staring at the students while waiting to see the person I didn't want to encounter.
I must be going crazy
Yes! Definitely going crazy.I don't want to see him, yet my eyes are searching for him.
What on earth? Once all the students had left, I sighed in relief that I haven't see him.
But..
I felt a wave of sadness washed over me. What?!
I wanted to pull my hair out of my head just to see if i could get over these thoughts.
Where is this coming from? Why would I feel sad?!
I just meet the guy for god sake!
My mind must have gone haywire since earlier. I can't understand what's happening to me.
I don't want to ask Ayana, she is even more insane.
Oh no! Get it together, brain! I don't want to lose my mind.
Oh I know! I'll just ask Mang Joshua.
"Mang Joshua, I have a question to ask" my gaze was still fixed on the book I was holding.
"What is it, Ma'am?"
" Have you ever experienced being crazy ?"What kind of question is that, Quira? You're already really insane.
Ugh.. Mang Joshua laughed at my question but still answered.
"Crazy in what way, Ma'am? Because in my family acting crazy is a common occurrence "; it's all nonsense.
It took me a while to respond. How do I explain to Mang Joshua what I'm experiencing without him thinking that it's me?
Oh yeah, I'll just say that we have to make a research about how people feel.
Yeah, even if there's nothing like that...
" You know we need to do some research. We were given a scenario, and we had to identify what part of a person's life that happens in. Like, is it stress or happines?"
Mang Joshua laughed again.
Why is he laughing so much?
"What scenario do you have, ma'am?"His smile inquired playfully...
Oh goodness, will I even get a decent answer from Mang Joshua? He seems like he's losing it more than i do. He's laughing, but no one is making jokes.
What I said was serious, but he responds with a cheeky smile. What is going on?
I think I chose the wrong person to ask.
But I could also try?
maybe just maybe I'll learn something?
"Um, My scenario is Q.Quit c.confusing."
Why am I evn stuttering? I coughed for a moment to clear the lump in my throat. What's going on? Am I going to get sick?
"It's like this, I met someone... I mean, the scenario assigned to me for the research is, a girl meet a man. She''s not very friendly and not good-looking, but she's never been ashamed of her appearance. However, when she met that man, she suddenly feel ashamed when one of that man's friend ridiculed her outfit . She suddenly became self conscious and the most confusing is I.. I mean she couldn't get him out of her mind, she no longer wanted to see him, but her eyes keep searching for him. Does that make sense, Mang Joshua? Just think,she doesn't want to see him, but she's looking for him? Why?". My explanation has become so long that it made me doubt my existence.
I just hope Mang Joshua can help me,as my speech has gone on for so long it would be a shame to waste the effort of telling you all this.
He laughed loudly, and I frowned at him.
"What's wrong with you, Mang Joshua! Don't just laugh, say something!". It's just annoying. If I were a violent person, I would have punched Mang Joshua by now.
"Don't you really know what's happening to you... I mean in your research, ma'am?"He have a disbelief expression.
"Yes mang Joshua i didn't know! I didn't find anything; I've already researched in the library."I said, feeling disheartened.
He laughed again, which made me feel even sadder.
I'm not stupid; I just happen to not be a genius. I don't know everything, you know...
" Ma'am, there's just one thing of what your feelings mean."My eyes widened, and I panicked.
" It's not me, Mang Joshua. That's the scene in my research"I hope he believe me. It's embarrassing if he dont
he might tell my mom... He just smiled and continued what he was saying.
"She has a crush on the guy she met, and even if she doesn't want to, it's happening." He said with a smile.
What's with Mang Joshua?, he's too happy. Doesn't he know how to frown?
But!
Ah! That girl has a crush.That's why she's like that; he has a crush on the guy...
WAIT!
WHAT?
SHE HAS A CRUSH?. Is Mang Joshua going crazy?
I'm that girl, and I have a crush on that... THAT GUY?
I feel like I can't breathe.
I suddenly fan my self with the book im holding.
My hand got tired holding it.
I looked at the book, i just realize its pretty thick.
"Yes, ma'am, it seems like that." I looked at him shock.
"Why are you so shocked, ma'am? You haven't experienced feeling attracted to a boy before?"I unconsciously shook my head in response.
"So that's why you don't know, ma'am. But it's normal for young people like you."
" B-but that's just for my research, Mang Joshua; It's not me.!"
Seriously?! Even i myself is not convince Because of what I said
It's like I confirmed that I am that person, and I'm just making up that research excuse.
Is having a crush really make you silly?
No. I don't have a crush on him.
I DON'T WANT TO. Because I know that even if he notices me despite my appearance, my family won't agree since he isn't rich.
I suddenly felt sad of what I was thinking.
"You know, ma'am. it's not bad to have a crush on someone, it's part of growing up."
While Mang Joshua was speaking, the car door suddenly opened and Aya got in.
Oh no, Mang Joshua, please help me pray that Aya didn't hear what you said.
When Aya sat down next to me, she suddenly looked at our driver. Please, not her too!
"Who has a crush, Mang Joshua?"
Yeah! No one listens to my wishes. My quiet and happy days are over.