The world came back into focus slowly, like a hazy fog clearing after a storm. Desperately gasping to get any oxygen into his lungs, Kim Dokja felt like he had breathed for the first time in forever.
His body felt foreign and distant, like something he was trapped within and merely piloting rather than something that he belonged to. Distantly, in the back of his mind as he tried to regulate his breathing into something more normal, he could hear voices and feel small arms trying to ground him.
There were two pairs of arms around him and rough skin touching his hands, and a familiar deep voice calling his name.
"Kim Dokja. Breathe."
"I—" his voice cracked, and Kim Dokja coughed before exhaling deeply. "I'm okay."
[many constellations are looking at the incarnation 'kim dokja' with concern.]
To his surprise, the second set of arms didn't belong to Lee Gilyoung. Instead, in his place, Yoo Mia was loosely holding him and looking away with reddened ears. Looking back up, Kim Dokja stared at his shaking hands, carefully yet firmly held within the grasp of hands covered in sword calluses and scars.
Kim Dokja lifted his gaze further, and he wasn't sure how to feel about Yoo Joonghyuk kneeling before him, staring into his eyes with concern. He could almost feel the regressor's pulse through his hands, and it felt faster than it should be.
"Sorry," Kim Dokja muttered, looking away sheepishly. "I—"
"Don't apologize, Dokja-ssi," Lee Seolhwa told him seriously. "It was very sudden and distressing."
Glancing over, Kim Dokja noticed that everyone—even Han Sooyoung, to his surprise—looked concerned. Lee Gilyoung looked like he was nearly in tears as Yoo Sangah gently rubbed his back, and Lee Hyunsung looked almost panicked.
He was fine. There was no need to grind everything to a halt for him.
[the constellation 'queen of the darkest spring' is hoping that the incarnation 'kim dokja' is feeling better.]
He was. He had to be.
Yoo Mia let go of him with a small huff, scolding him for worrying her under her breath, and Kim Dokja looked ahead of him once more. Suddenly, he froze.
"Um, Joonghyuk-ah, you can let me go now," he said awkwardly, and for a second, Yoo Joonghyuk's grip tightened before loosening and slipping away. Kim Dokja's hands tingled—he was certain of it this time—and he placed his hands in his lap, unsure of where else to put them.
[the constellation 'secretive plotter' is watching the incarnation 'kim dokja' closely.]
Dokja revives thanks to [Eight Lives], coughing as he wonders if he's actually the real sunfish since he's died four times now. Looking around, he takes in his surroundings and realizes that it's just clouds.
I was using the [Third-person POV] on my companions in Paradise after leaving my body with Han Sooyoung, but someone must have killed me while I was asleep.
Just as he wonders who it could have been, suspecting Sooyoung for a brief moment, a notification appears. His eye twitches as it states that he will be remembered as the 'Messiah Who Knows Shame', causing him to lament dying at such an awkward moment and for him to wonder if he'd really just died of shame.
His thoughts are interrupted when Sooyoung runs up, calling his name. Asking what happened, Sooyoung tells him that they got ambushed right after he fell asleep and that she was unable to defend him from a fatal wound despite her best efforts. Afterwards, she nabbed his dying body and ran away while crying, but suddenly ended up here. With a face that screams 'I don't believe you', Dokja tests her words with [Lie Detection], only to find they were actually true.
Looking very cat-like, she mutters that he could've tried to believe her. Ignoring this, Dokja asks about the identities of their attackers, but Sooyoung tells him that they all wore masks and that her [Detect Attribute] didn't reveal anyone she recognized.
"I'm happy you're alive again, ahjussi," Shin Yoosung said quietly, her face still buried into the fabric of the robe.
Kim Dokja let out a sigh of relief at the confirmation that he was alive again, even though he still felt slightly shaky, and he couldn't even get mad when Han Sooyoung choked out a laugh at his thought about being the real sunfish in the group.
As she snickered, she looked over in his direction. "Well… you have died more times than him now."
She was clearly trying to act normal, and as much as he appreciated the attempt, it was unfortunately at his expense. However, he couldn't deny that what she was saying was the truth. Since he was in his third regression, Yoo Joonghyuk had only died three times compared to Kim Dokja's four.
[the constellation 'abyssal black flame dragon' is declaring that even dying can get boring when it happens too much.]
So even he was worried, huh?
"Um, maybe this is a stupid question, but where the hell are you?" Jung Heewon asked, and Kim Dokja honestly had to wonder the same thing. Of course, since he had died and presumably revived three days later again, his body could have been taken anywhere in that time.
Yoo Sangah smiled awkwardly as he wondered if Han Sooyoung had killed him again before saying, "Dokja-ssi, I don't think Sooyoung-ssi would have killed you."
"True," Han Sooyoung said, "I totally would have pestered you until you paid me for bodyguard duty, though."
"And that went so well, clearly," Kim Dokja muttered, but he couldn't help but frown. If he had died, then did that mean that whoever had killed him had also killed her in the process? She might be annoying as fuck, but that didn't mean that Kim Dokja wanted her dead either.
As he grimaced about his new unfortunate nickname and wondered whether he had simply died of shame, Lee Jihye paled. "Ahjussi didn't actually just die and go to heaven or something, right?"
First of all, Kim Dokja wasn't a Christian. Secondly, Han Sooyoung was running up to him, which meant that it definitely couldn't be heaven since she was there.
[the constellation 'demon-like judge of fire' is saying that heaven looks different.]
Kim Dokja did have to raise a brow when she gave a dramatic retelling of what happened to him. That sounded extremely unbelievable and out of character for her, especially when she wasn't being paid for it.
Lee Hyunsung, on the other hand, was tearing up and looking extremely emotional as he muttered something about knowing that Han Sooyoung was redeemable.
"Hey, I'm not that bad," she scoffed in return.
Lee Gilyoung, his eyes still reddened and a bit swollen from crying, looked up at her. "You wouldn't cry, ahjumma."
Han Sooyoung paused and shrugged. "Fair enough."
To Kim Dokja's surprise, though, [Lie Detection] confirmed that she was telling the truth. Somehow.
[the constellation 'prisoner of the golden headband' is baffled.]
"Okay, I have to admit, I'm pretty shocked," Jung Heewon said, her brows raised. "No offense, but the whole thing sounds really unbelievable."
It sounded like something out of a cheesy romance except the main characters had no chemistry and nothing made sense with their earlier established personalities. What the fuck had to have happened for Han Sooyoung to have failed to protect him and then tried to run away with his corpse before both of them got captured?
Yoo Joonghyuk narrowed his eyes dangerously. "You have no idea who attacked you."
Apparently not, and that was more worrying than if they were identifiable. That meant that it likely wasn't just some attack of opportunity on people who were in the wrong place at the wrong time. No, in all likelihood, it was a premeditated assassination, and that didn't bode well.
Looking over his shoulder in response to Sooyoung's annoyed look, he guesses they must be a strong group since Sooyoung should be around rank 20 in Dark Castle, but he can't figure out who it could be. When Sooyoung explains that it's been three days, Dokja frets about his companions and plans as he remembers the cooldown. Sighing, Sooyoung states that there's nothing but clouds around.
"Is that why you released your clones and left them to do that?" Dokja asks, looking judgmentally at the clones doing exercises and meditation in the background. Sooyoung explains it's her training method since, when she retrieves her clones, she increases her proficiency. Looking less than impressed, Dokja asks if she's Nar█to—a name that is censored for copyright reasons—and she admits that she did get the idea from that story.
… I feel like I figured out the secret of how Han Sooyoung got so strong in such a short amount of time.
"That's right," Lee Hyunsung said nervously, "Sooyoung-ssi might not be the best in fights like that—especially while trying to protect Dokja-ssi's unconscious body—but she's not weak either."
Clearly this had been planned enough that whoever had organized it had accounted for a decent amount of resistance. Deep in thought, Kim Dokja glanced around the room at everyone in his usual group. Just who had they expected to be at his side…?
[the constellation 'secretive plotter' is suspicious of this mysterious group.]
"Dokja-ssi, we know about the cooldown now, at least," Yoo Sangah reminded him. "I'm sure that Joonghyuk-ssi informed us of it after that happened since we likely didn't have a chance to discuss it before this scenario started."
That was true—Yoo Joonghyuk was the only one in the group who knew and, after he suddenly died like that, it would seem odd if he didn't explain the three-day cooldown period. Still, that didn't erase the other worries in Kim Dokja's mind.
"Hyung?" Lee Gilyoung said quietly, drawing his attention. "I wouldn't go to the next scenario without you. I don't care what everyone else does."
He sounded so unsure and nervous, and Kim Dokja just stared at him in shock for a moment. Slowly, he let his lips curve into a small smile. "Thank you, Gilyoung-ah."
Shin Yoosung glanced around for a few seconds before huffing. "You'd better stick around. I can't control that dragon by myself. And... I'm sorry for calling you a baby."
[constellations who like children are smiling at the incarnations 'lee gilyoung' and 'shin yoosung'.]
Lee Gilyoung sniffled and looked away. "I'm sorry too."
Though it didn't look like the boy was quite ready to come back over, the anxiety slowly melted off his face and his shoulders relaxed. It was a relief to see, especially after what had happened earlier. Kim Dokja still wasn't sure how to sort through all his muddled emotions and the baggage he knew wasn't Lee Gilyoung's fault, but... he wanted to try. It would take a while, and it wasn't going to be easy, but recognizing it was the first step in trying to get over these awful feelings.
However, only a second later, Kim Dokja's eyes widened in surprise as he noticed Han Sooyoung's avatars all over the place, training, meditating, and doing other assorted actions. What the hell was going on there?
[the constellation 'prisoner of the golden headband' is nodding in understanding of the incarnation 'han sooyoung'.]
"That's not fair," Yoo Mia huffed as Han Sooyoung explained how it worked. "That's cheating, ahjumma."
"Cheating, or using my talents to my advantage?" she rebutted with a sly grin. "I'm a genius, clearly."
In Kim Dokja's humble and obviously correct opinion, she was just copying an idea from a better series again. Sure enough, his future self brought it up only a moment later, making Lee Jihye burst into giggles.
Through her laughter, the teenager grinned. "Have you really been having a mini training arc while ahjussi was dead?"
Yoo Sangah looked amused as well, hiding her smile behind her hand. "Admittedly, if you've been stuck there for three days with nothing but Dokja-ssi's… ah, well, his body for company, then I can't blame you for trying to find ways to occupy yourself."
[several constellations believe that this is a good use of time.]
[a few constellations are dismayed that they missed the training scenes.]
Damn, the [Avatar] skill really was like a cheat code, wasn't it?
Musing that TWSA never explained [Avatar] in detail, Dokja asks about its constraints. Explaining with the aid of an adorable chibi graphic, Sooyoung mentions that each avatar is formed from a part of her memories, which she loses when they die. Dokja wonders why she's so casual about this when her skill can give her Alhzeimer's if she's not careful. However, she clarifies that she never takes unnecessary risks with the memories and that they'll return intact if the avatars are retrieved rather than killed.
[the constellation 'maritime war god' is curious about the 'avatar' skill.]
"Huh, it really wasn't explained that much?" Han Sooyoung wondered as she blinked at the screen for a second before shrugging. "Well, it's fucking weird and complicated, and I can't imagine that many authors are as awesome as me."
… Right.
As she began explaining how the skill worked, Kim Dokja's eyes narrowed. She had mentioned the memory thing briefly before, but it hadn't been in detail. Instead, all she had mentioned was that she was already losing them, and with this explanation, it all made sense.
"That sounds rather dangerous, Sooyoung-ssi," Lee Seolhwa said in a sympathetic tone, glancing over at the author with a frown. "So many of your avatars have already been destroyed…"
"Well, I don't give them anything important most of the time," Han Sooyoung muttered in return with a shrug. "Usually dumb stuff like a mundane memory of eating breakfast or checking comments on my novel or some shit."
[the constellation 'lily blooming in aquarius' is insisting that all memories are important.]
That was true. In a sense, since people were made by their memories, was it possible that the future Han Sooyoung was slowly losing more and more of who she was? Sure, she was making new memories in the apocalypse that could potentially replace them, but if she was exclusively using memories from before… How long would it be before she started to run out of things that weren't important?
Thankfully, she explained that the memories would come back if she re-absorbed the avatar, which was better than losing them forever regardless of what happened. At least there was that, but her next words made Kim Dokja pause.
"But sometimes some of them go out of control," she says seriously.
When Dokja asks for clarification, Sooyoung explains that her first clone went missing, likely due to having been given too many memories and that she's been unable to retrieve it. Concerned, Dokja asks what memories it has, which Sooyoung guesses must have been meaningless ones since she's currently sane, a sentiment Dokja severely doubts. He also shudders as he thinks about the possibility of another Sooyoung who could still be acting on her own somewhere in Seoul.
"Han Sooyoung, explain," Yoo Joonghyuk said firmly, looking at her with some degree of suspicion.
"Ahh, right, that…" she muttered with a grimace. "Ugh, I didn't fucking know what I was doing, okay? I got over-excited or something and put a bunch of memories in that one by accident."
Jung Heewon's face went pale. "And you re-absorbed it, right?"
Han Sooyoung just grimaced more as her future self explained that this avatar went missing.
[the constellation 'demon-like judge of fire' is horrified by this turn of events.]
[the constellation 'prisoner of the golden headband' is shaking his head in disappointment.]
[the constellation 'secretive plotter' is curious about this 'avatar' of the incarnation 'han sooyoung'.]
"You don't even know what memories you gave it," Yoo Joonghyuk stated, narrowing his eyes further.
Han Sooyoung sighed. "Of course I don't! Those memories are in my avatar! How the fuck would I remember stuff I gave away?"
In other words, she could only assume that she didn't give away anything important. That didn't sound good.
However, as Kim Dokja mused that there could be a second Han Sooyoung running around Seoul, Yoo Sangah sucked in a sharp breath.
"Unnie…? What's wrong?" Shin Yoosung wondered, looking nervously in her direction.
Biting her lip, Yoo Sangah glanced over at Han Sooyoung. "Well… I have two thoughts, and I'm not sure if either of them are possible or correct."
Though she hesitated for a moment, she turned her gaze to Kim Dokja. "Since we were pulled from the fourth scenario, we can't confirm with Sooyoung-ssi's current memories that the Sooyoung-ssi we have encountered in the future scenarios has always been her and not her avatar."
Wait, was she thinking that some of the interactions they had with Han Sooyoung could have potentially been her avatar instead? Shit, that wasn't something they could completely rule out, even if she hadn't seemed to be confused by who they were.
[the constellation 'god of wine and ecstasy' is raising a brow curiously.]
[the constellation 'abyssal black flame dragon' is saying that two of the incarnation 'han sooyoung' is better than one.]
"Secondly, we know that a Sooyoung-ssi has been involved with this hidden scenario somehow," Yoo Sangah explained with a frown. "We've been assuming that she's a future version of the Sooyoung-ssi that we know, and while that's not impossible, we now have her avatar as an extra factor."
Lee Seolhwa's eyes widened. "In other words, you think it may be her avatar who was behind those strange words at the beginning of the scenario?"
It wasn't anything more than a quick theory, but it was certainly a worrying one. If Han Sooyoung's wayward avatar was somehow behind this odd scenario, then that just added a whole other set of possibilities. Kim Dokja's mind raced as he recalled what she said—that this was her first avatar.
That meant that she had split into two using an unknown amount of memories before she had gotten a sponsor. Scenarios could only be commissioned by constellations. The Han Sooyoung they knew would get sponsored by the Abyssal Black Flame Dragon in the future, but that didn't necessarily mean that this autonomous avatar would automatically end up in the same contract just because she was. Maybe this was a stretch, but Kim Dokja couldn't help but wonder… since Han Sooyoung's novel was based on her dreams of the apocalypse, and she seemed to have weird instances of what she did and didn't remember about this world… could some of that important information have gone to the avatar instead?
Like, say, how to eventually become a constellation?
"Hey, do any of you remember seeing two of her running around near the start of the scenarios?" Kim Dokja wondered, casting a glance at the ceiling. It was probably a dumb question—why would they remember one avatar of many over the course of several months—but that attribute alone had to have gotten her some attention, at the very least.
[several constellations are shaking their heads.]
[the constellation 'abyssal black flame dragon' is admitting that his interest was piqued later.]
[the constellation 'secretive plotter' is humming contemplatively.]
Well, it had been worth a shot anyway.
"What was that about, ahjussi?" Yoo Mia asked, looking at him curiously.
Kim Dokja sighed and shrugged. "I was hoping to get a clue about what happened to that avatar, but there's always the chance that she died already too. Honestly, if it wasn't for this suspicious scenario, I'd probably just assume that's what happened."
It would make the most sense in terms of possibilities, but in this kind of world, they could never be certain.
As she retrieves the avatars who were training, Sooyoung then remembers that some constellations came to visit while he was dying, something that Dokja immediately judges her for since it means this memory was given to a clone. Sooyoung explains that it was constellations of 'Vedas' and 'Tamna' who were telling him to make the right choice.
"Ah, and some strange Goryeo Warrior-looking guy came as well," she states, causing the screen to flash and show 'Goryeo's First Sword' looking at Dokja's corpse impassively as she explains. After a moment of thought, Dokja realizes that her wording means that the constellations came in person instead of sending an incarnation.
Sooyoung says that they were in symbolic forms, but Dokja reminds her that something like that would cost too much probability in a scenario area. Thankfully, due to this clue, he's able to figure out that they're trapped in the Eight Gates Formation.
A skill commonly used by constellations who have mastered the principles behind the five elements, four heavenly divisions, and three calamities. Someone who is capable of wielding it in the Korean peninsula would be…
Looking forward, Dokja tells the person to come out. A wisp of painterly smoke transforms into Youngran, who tells Dokja that the King awaits him. Instantly, Dokja clues into who killed him, and he thinks that this is the worst because he has no other choice but to follow.
[the constellation 'god of wine and ecstasy' is greatly entertained by this turn of events.]
In a blatant contrast to his previous thoughts about the intricacies of the [Avatar] skill, Kim Dokja stared at the screen in bafflement as Han Sooyoung recovered her memories from her avatars. Sure, this place didn't seem to have any blatant enemies—or anyone else, really—but why the fuck had she put a memory that important into an avatar in the first place!?
Lee Seolhwa, on the other hand, only frowned deeper. "This is rather worrying…"
"How so, Seolhwa-ssi?" Lee Hyunsung asked in confusion, and Kim Dokja had to agree with him. What had she figured out?
"Well, that absolute confirms that Sooyoung-ssi loses the entire memory if it's placed into an avatar, and that she will not remember anything about this specific memory until she retrieves it," Lee Seolhwa reasoned. "As such, we have no way of knowing whether or not that first avatar actually had important memories."
Fuck, she was right. Han Sooyoung's face began to pale as the reality of the situation set in for her, but she scoffed and did her best to look unbothered. Still, her hands were shaking.
[the constellation 'maritime war god' is concerned about the current events.]
Ultimately that was her problem to deal with for now; Kim Dokja had more important things to worry about—namely the constellations who had allegedly come by while he was dead.
The specific constellations who had come aside, though he was surprised that Goryeo's First Sword had been one of them, there was another issue. Naturally, his future self picked up on it immediately, and Kim Dokja was proud to see the other pensive looks and confused frowns on everyone else's faces.
"That doesn't make sense," Yoo Mia muttered with a scowl. "Constellations can't do that, right?"
"That's right," Yoo Joonghyuk confirmed, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.
[many constellations are flabbergasted.]
[the constellation 'goryeo's first sword' is chuckling in amusement.]
Kim Dokja hummed. "We have to be someplace accessible to constellations, and that narrows it down drastically."
As he began thinking over just who could have been responsible, he reached the conclusion only a moment before his future self did, and Kim Dokja froze completely. Shit. Why hadn't he considered it earlier? He had wondered if she was going around and killing rankers earlier, but he hadn't thought…
No, he hadn't wanted to believe that it was possible. Deep down, Kim Dokja had never even considered that she would stoop that low, but clearly he had been wrong.
As Cho Youngran stepped out from the smoke, Kim Dokja let out a shaky breath, trying to keep himself regulated. Everyone else was a different story.
Jung Heewon snarled as she whipped her head around to stare at her with pure fury in her eyes. "You."
[the constellation 'demon-like judge of fire' is aghast by this turn of events.]
[the constellation 'secretive plotter' is narrowing his eyes in the direction of the incarnation 'lee sookyung'.]
At first, she said nothing, staying silent. Though he only looked for a moment, Kim Dokja was stunned to see her eyes widened ever-so-slightly in surprise. Was something like this so unexpected for her? Did she never expect to fall so far that she'd kill her own son decades after murdering her husband?
"Why would you do that!?" Lee Gilyoung hissed, his expression feral and full of rage. "You killed hyung—I hate you, I hate you, I hate you—"
"If I did that, it must have been for his own good," she said in an icy tone, any emotions completely absent, and Kim Dokja felt a part of himself break that he hadn't even known could still be broken.
For his own good. He had never heard anything so nausea-inducing.
Yoo Joonghyuk's hand went to his sword again, his posture, expression, and aura radiating fury as he did. "It doesn't work like that. You cannot kill someone for their sake."
[many constellations are agreeing with the words of the incarnation 'yoo joonghyuk'.]
[some constellations are saying to leave the situation alone because it's more entertaining this way.]
She refused to say anything further, and Kim Dokja thought that was for the best. He was barely holding it together as it was, and knowing that he'd have to see her again in the future was slowly chipping away at the wall he was attempting to build. It was hopeless—he hadn't had a single good interaction with her since that fateful night.
Hadn't she been content with leaving him to his own devices for over a decade? Why would anything for his sake matter now?
Before this reunion story gets any further, the scene is broken by the sound of gunfire and the shine of a balding head. Swearing and injured, Pildu yells in anger after lamenting that he was forgotten. He lets out his anger by shooting another barrage of bullets into the surrounding demons on the second floor.
Panting heavily, Pildu collapses while stating this is the end as he no longer has any mana. A large blast of fire then brushes past the now house-sized fortress, and Pildu looks up as the dust settles. There stands Joonghyuk and the dragon flying high behind him. As he rescues Pildu, Joonghyuk muses that he has overused the power of transcendence and needs to rest because his power is also restricted by the scenario's probability. Now that he has recovered Pildu, he recalls that Seolhwa is working on raising her rank in another area.
Looking towards the plains, Joonghyuk thinks that the only part of the plan left pertains to Dokja. He knows that the star stream isn't lax when it comes to Fate, and he wonders just what Dokja will do.
The sudden change of scenery jolted Kim Dokja out of his thoughts, and he blinked at the screen in confusion.
"Wait a minute, I know that bald spot!" Lee Jihye exclaimed in a gasp. "That's Pildu-ahjussi!"
Ah, so it was.
[the constellation 'defense master' is concerned about the state of his incarnation.]
Yoo Sangah sucked in a worried breath. "He looks like he's in a rough state…"
Sure enough, he was running out of mana. Though he had no doubt raised his stat as high as he realistically could, even he could only fend off the monsters for so long. Damn it, they weren't cutting away from Kim Dokja's impending nightmare just to show them Gong Pildu getting murdered, were they?
Suddenly, Yoo Joonghyuk made another dramatic entrance, easily rescuing the landlord with the kids on their dragon as backup. Shin Yoosung gasped, her eyes widening in surprise, and Kim Dokja couldn't help but feel immense amounts of pride for both of them. They had managed to get used to controlling the chimera dragon so quickly, even taking the SSS-grade item into account.
"Well shit, you actually went out there looking for that guy?" Han Sooyoung muttered in disbelief. Kim Dokja could barely believe it either, but maybe the protagonist had fully accepted that Gong Pildu would be a good ally.
Lee Seolhwa's shoulders relaxed as Yoo Joonghyuk's thoughts revealed that she was also alright and just working on raising her rank somewhere else. Apparently she had made it to the second floor at some point too.
[the constellation 'guam divine doctor' has faith in his incarnation.]
However, Kim Dokja wasn't expecting Yoo Joonghyuk's thoughts to turn to him. That guy… though he pretended to be impervious to everything, he actually kind of cared, didn't he?
Unfortunately, since there were still so many uncertainties about the prophecy in the first place—namely the who, the where, and the when—Kim Dokja couldn't even come up with a cursory plan to put his mind at ease somewhat. Even if he knew those things, he wasn't sure he'd be able to think much anyway.
His brain felt fuzzy and his stomach was fluttering nervously. It was a strange feeling, and even though Yoo Joonghyuk hadn't thought anything particularly groundbreaking, it was seared into Kim Dokja's mind nonetheless.
Maybe it was just to keep his mind off of everything else, but Kim Dokja glanced down at the ground and replied. "I don't know what my future self will do yet, but I know I'll figure something out."
[the constellation 'queen of the darkest spring' is looking forward to finding out what will happen.]
Back in the clouds, Sooyoung and Dokja follow Youngran, and when Sooyoung asks about his relationship with the King of Wanderers, he calls it complicated. Her mind goes down the wrong track and she teasingly asks if they're exes, but her smile promptly freezes when Dokja bluntly tells her that the King is his mother. Sooyoung immediately gets awkward, stuttering out an apology.
Finally speaking up, Youngran tells them to follow her steps exactly or else they'll get lost. Dokja takes the time to ask why she's helping and following his mother even with her sponsor's strength. When Dokja's mind goes down the route of blackmail, Youngran's eyes narrow slightly.
"She saved my daughter."
Dokja's eyes widen before he looks away and states that he can see why she's loyal in a wry voice, causing Youngran to ask if he's being sarcastic. Scoffing, Dokja states that it must have been intentional on his mother's part, asking if Youngran doesn't find her strange for adapting so quickly and knowing so much about this world. Sensing that he's fishing, Youngran asks what he means. Looking at her blankly, Dokja declares that his mother knew who Youngran's sponsor would be and that she saved her daughter in order to use Youngran to her advantage.
I don't remember exactly how much of the story I told my mother, but she must have recalled my story and recruited the incarnation of 'Jeon Woochi'.
To Kim Dokja's dismay, though, the scene quickly returned to his cloudy prison. To make matters worse, Han Sooyoung was asking stupid and invasive questions.
At the very least, both of them cringed horrifically when she asked if his mother was his ex.
"Oh wow, uh…" Han Sooyoung muttered awkwardly, grimacing and looking anywhere but the screen. "Fuck."
[several constellations of the nebula 'olympus' are confused by the reactions of the incarnations 'kim dokja' and 'han sooyoung'.]
Fuck Olympus, first of all. Secondly, of course they'd be confused. Their family tree might as well have been a wreath.
Kim Dokja exhaled deeply as they followed behind Cho Youngran, careful to follow her steps exactly. One wrong move and you'd end up off the exit path, lost until the caster brought you back. When he began asking questions, he almost cursed himself out. It would be one of the best times to ask—fewer curious eyes, and she wouldn't have known about it yet—but now it was just awkward.
"Dokja-yah, you really think I would resort to blackmail?" she asked, laughing dryly.
Kim Dokja swallowed down a shudder and didn't even have to think. "Yes."
He knew how her mind worked. To her, this world was nothing but fiction come to life, and Cho Youngran was merely a character from that world. There would be zero hesitation in manipulating those characters to her own ends, even if it meant doing it in the worst ways possible.
[constellations who like children are looking at the incarnation 'lee sookyung'.]
"Dokja-ssi, are you saying…?" Yoo Sangah whispered, holding Lee Gilyoung just a bit closer. The boy still looked enraged, glaring and muttering under his breath, but Kim Dokja couldn't do anything but nod.
This shouldn't be surprising. Everyone had seen how manipulative she was before Peace Land, and saving the child of someone useful specifically to make them indebted to her wasn't even on the top ten list of questionable things people could do in the apocalypse. The people who survived were the strong and the opportunistic, and the scariest kinds were the people who were both.
Armed with the knowledge of this world that Kim Dokja had told her, even though it was incomplete, she wasn't the kind of person to let such an opportunity pass her by. Even back when he had still called her mother with love, she had been a cold and pragmatic person most of the time—a realist to her core.
[the constellation 'lily blooming in aquarius' is doubtful of the intentions of the incarnation 'lee sookyung'.]
She sighed, but she didn't try to say anything in her defense either. What could she even say against the truth?
Turning back to him and looking at him with a sympathetic gaze that Dokja hates most of all, Youngran declares that Dokja has the wrong idea about Sookyung, making Dokja hostile as he declares that no one knows her better than him. Rolling her eyes, Youngran lifts her gun onto her shoulder as she states that a child would know the least about their parents.
Arriving at a door in the clouds, she tells Sooyoung that she can't enter and instructs Dokja to press the floating doorbell. The scene zooms in on his hand and the button, highlighting the short moment of hesitation and the resounding ring.
A somewhat quaint ringtone. The sound of the bell that I seemed to have heard a long time ago, and the familiar voice that I could hear beyond the door.
As Dokja stands, the door briefly flashes to a washed out one from his memories as his mother calls for him to enter. Opening the door and walking in, Dokja's eyes widen at the familiar scenery, causing [The Fourth Wall] to shake as he calls it a horrible place and can't believe how twisted she is.
As Cho Youngran talked to him like he didn't know any better, Kim Dokja's hands clenched into fists. Fuck that. He had lived with that woman. He had watched everything. He had seen her silently walk out that door to the sound of sirens without ever once looking back at him.
They may not have talked properly for a decade, but her silence had said more than enough for him.
Shin Yoosung tugged on his sleeve, and he glanced down at her. She was looking at his hands in concern, and he slowly relaxed them and tried to ignore the imprints of his nails on his palms.
"Ahjussi, are you okay?"
He wasn't, and he was sure that she knew that too. Instead, all he could do was force his lips to curl up. "I am."
For an instant, Kim Dokja wondered if she even believed him.
[some constellations are feeling conflicted about the words of the incarnation 'cho youngran'.]
What did she know? All Cho Youngran had ever seen was the side of her that she wanted to be seen.
As they arrived at a door floating strangely in the clouds, Han Sooyoung narrowed her eyes suspiciously as she was told that she couldn't go inside. Deep down, Kim Dokja was glad for it. This would go badly—he already knew that it would—and even though everyone in this room would be seeing the disaster that would surely unfold, at least no one else in the future would bear witness to it.
When the doorbell rang, though, Kim Dokja felt like he had been plunged into icy water. This was sickening. This was horrible. This was so much worse than he had thought.
He began to shake and tremble, unable to look away from the screen even as the others began clueing into what was going on.
[the eyes of the constellation 'secretive plotter' are widening in shock.]
[the constellation 'demon-like judge of fire' is gasping in horror.]
[the constellation 'queen of the darkest spring' is frowning deeply.]
Of course she had done something like that. It was like she was trying to make him uncomfortable and make sure he couldn't come into this discussion feeling stable. It was meant to make him screw up and catch him off-guard. It was sickening.
Naturally, having seen his memories, everyone else recognized it too.
"That's your old house…" Lee Hyunsung muttered uncomfortably, and Kim Dokja was glad that he hadn't needed to say it himself.
It was the exact room where everything had happened, recreated as though it had been simply plucked from back then and placed here. It was surreal, almost, like finding the most nauseating time capsule in the world.
As she looks at him, Sookyung states that she's been waiting for him and asks how it feels to be home after so long. Dokja replies in a scoff that he'd rather still be dead and asks how she's alive. At his disrespectful tone, Sookyung calmly asks if he's still in his rebellious phase even at 28 since he's calling her by her first name. Dokja tells her to answer the question with a look of disgust on his face, and Sookyung just replies that it wasn't hard to fool Nirvana.
For a moment, he realizes that she has no idea what she's capable of, and that in this moment, she might be more of a threat than the constellations or Joonghyuk. When Dokja questions why she didn't come to his funeral, Sookyung closes her eyes. "Because I didn't want to feel heartbroken."
Not believing her, Dokja asks if that's why she had her subordinates kill him again. Opening her eyes, she remarks that she killed him because he's an irresponsible son who would just die and leave his friends to plan another funeral. She then tells him that he has good friends because they cried for him. As Dokja feels angrier because the person saying this is his mother, he demands to know why she killed him. All she says are the words of the prophecy before explaining that Sangah told her while begging her to save him. Out of nowhere, she mentions that she likes Sangah more than the woman he's with this time.
Still looking disgusted, Dokja tells her to drop the act and that he doesn't understand what she's saying since she killed him when she was asked to save him. When she confidently assumes that she fulfilled the prophecy, Dokja laughs in disbelief.
So what she's saying is that, right now…
"That's fucked up," Jung Heewon hissed. "That's so fucked up. What is wrong with you!?"
She hummed nonchalantly. "Perhaps I felt like reminiscing. That house had long been sold by the time I was released, so I never got to go home."
Was she trying to make him feel guilty for being uncomfortable? To pity her for her own decisions?
[the constellation 'prisoner of the golden headband' dislikes family drama.]
"I don't owe you anything. Not my time, not my knowledge, and definitely not my respect," Kim Dokja said lowly, trying to keep his breathing matched with Shin Yoosung's.
Sighing, she didn't seem overly bothered. "I am still your mother, and I always will be."
Why couldn't she realize that he didn't want that anymore? He had been doing fine without her.
[several constellations are wondering how the incarnation 'lee sookyung' fooled the incarnation 'nirvana moebius'.]
She refused to answer, and while that wasn't a surprise to Kim Dokja, it still stung. Fuck, why was he still letting her influence his feelings after so long?
"Mark my words," Yoo Joonghyuk said as seriously as he could, his tone icy and dangerous, "try anything against Kim Dokja again and we will see who is the bigger threat."
With a scoff, she glared at him. "I'm not afraid of you."
That wasn't a fight he ever wanted to see. Kim Dokja didn't even want to imagine it.
"Yeah, ahjussi is asking the right questions here," Lee Jihye said suddenly, scowling as she did. "If you were alive, why wouldn't you go to his funeral, huh? If you actually cared, you would have gone!"
Though her future self answered the question, Kim Dokja thought it was bullshit.
Han Sooyoung glared and gritted her teeth in anger. "That makes no fucking sense. Going to his funeral is worse than, what, ordering a fucking hit on him!? Your priorities are seriously fucked up!"
[many constellations are baffled by the reasoning of the incarnation 'lee sookyung'.]
It made no sense. She killed him because he would just die again? What kind of a sick joke was that?
"Sookyung-ssi, respectfully, that seems counterproductive," Lee Seolhwa told her with a frown. "Because you killed him, Dokja-ssi now has one less chance to survive against things that are unavoidable."
She remained silent, and Kim Dokja didn't know if that was better or worse than the alternative. Everything just felt cold as she continued on in the future as though nothing was wrong with anything she had just said.
When she mentioned Yoo Sangah asking for help and the contents of his Fate as her reasons for doing what she did, Kim Dokja felt like the floor had fallen out from beneath him.
Yoo Sangah looked horrified, pale and almost sick. "My future self… she trusted you after we were imprisoned together. I never would have… I wouldn't have wanted this."
Yoo Joonghyuk looked furious, though Kim Dokja was already feeling too distant to actually even begin to comprehend why.
[the constellation 'abyssal black flame dragon' is scoffing at the bad taste of the incarnation 'lee sookyung'.]
"No, fuck that," Han Sooyoung hissed as she expressed her opinions on the two women. "I don't want to be fucking liked by you anyway."
Kim Dokja hated the tone she had used, too. It sounded as though she was critiquing someone he had brought home to introduce to her as a partner, not like she was treating them as a concerned friend, or possibly accomplice in Han Sooyoung's case—she might just gut him for assuming they could be friends.
This was a nightmare, and things only spiralled more as she confidently and calmly assumed that she had fulfilled the prophecy.
Kim Dokja laughed dryly, barely coherent. "You have to be kidding me."
What the fuck? That was wrong on so many levels that he didn't even know where to begin. That wasn't saving him.
[many constellations are flabbergasted by the actions of the incarnation 'lee sookyung'.]
Repeating the prophecy again, Sookyung says that she killed him specifically because she must be the one he loves most. Immediately, Dokja's feelings are incredibly conflicted because the person he hates the most is saying this. Even though he hates her for ruining his life, everything is complicated. With a shaky laugh, he says, "Did you really think you could become the person I love the most by killing me?"
With a terrifying expression, Dokja explains that she's failed since he's still receiving the fate message, and he bluntly tells her that it shows that she's not someone he loves.
Sookyung is quiet for a moment as she clasps her hands in her lap, musing that she supposes he's right, but that she wanted to try since it could've ended the fate and he has plenty of lives left anyway. As she speaks, the screen pans over a small pair of shoes at the door. Scoffing again, Dokja tells her to stop pretending that she's doing this for his sake.
"Dokja. I love you more than anyone else in the world. Perhaps even more than myself." As she states this in a deathly serious voice, the screen pans to the shoes, the knife block, Sookyung's eerie smile, and finally to Dokja's mixed expression of terror and hatred, fuelled by a decade of suffering.
Kim Dokja couldn't breathe.
"You're wrong!" Shin Yoosung yelled. "Do you even know what love is?"
Through instinct more than anything else, Kim Dokja pulled Shin Yoosung close and wrapped her in his trembling arms before she could reply. He wouldn't let her say anything to his kid. He wouldn't let her do anything.
This wasn't fucking love. Kim Dokja didn't know what it was—he didn't even know if he was qualified to guess—but if it was love, then it could burn in hell.
[the constellation 'maritime war god' is looking at the incarnation 'kim dokja' with concern.]
Kim Dokja hated her. He hated her. What right did she have to come into his life after so long and fucking kill him because she still believed that he was obligated to love her?
He could hear voices and arguments in the background as the world faded into an annoying high—pitched dial tone, shrinking into nothing but himself and his thoughts. He felt sick. He felt disgusted. The child buried deep down inside was screaming and crying and begging to know why his mother had chosen to hurt him too.
All that and the Fate still hadn't gone away.
"So what if he had more lives left?" Jung Heewon raged, her voice cutting through the static. "Why fucking kill him on the chance that the prophecy would be fulfilled? Did you not fucking listen to it!?"
"I would have done it for his own good," she said again, and that child in Kim Dokja's mind collapsed into a screaming and sobbing mess.
"The Fate said that Kim Dokja will die permanently if it comes to pass," Yoo Joonghyuk hissed, "and yet you still wanted to try?"
This wasn't love.
[several constellations are discussing the point of the incarnation 'yoo joonghyuk'.]
Yoo Sangah spoke next, her voice shaky. "If you had succeeded, then Dokja-ssi would be dead for good. How would that have helped anything?"
If she said anything in response, Kim Dokja didn't hear it.
However, it was impossible to ignore the lurching in his stomach as she looked him dead in the eyes in the future and told him that she loved him.
"You're lying," Kim Dokja whispered with a gasp. "You have to be lying."
Though he wasn't looking at her, he knew she was listening. For once, Kim Dokja let himself say the unfettered truth, finally speaking it into existence. It was liberating. It was terrifying. It was the awful reminder that he wasn't someone who was meant to be loved.
"What you did… all of it… that isn't something that someone who truly loved me would do."