[the constellation 'prisoner of the golden headband' is baffled.]
So was Kim Dokja, but he was honestly more worried about what this would mean for their group dynamics. He didn't want things to be awkward, but Yoo Joonghyuk's intense and extremely confusing glaring was probably more concerning than anything else.
Considering the sweat beginning to pour down Lee Hyunsung's forehead… Well, Kim Dokja couldn't even hope that he wasn't too intimidated by the protagonist. This was going to be a disaster, wasn't it?
Everyone stares at Hyunsung's serious face while 'Demon-Like Judge of Fire' snorts. After a moment of silence, Jihye asks the soldier to elaborate while looking like she is about to get a nosebleed. Hyunsung begins by stating that he puts his life at risk in each scenario, and that both he and Joonghyuk train hard everyday to prepare for future scenarios. He goes on to describe the single-minded resolve the two of them share to protect their comrades, sounding both inspirational and sappy as he goes on about their harsh training regimens.
"In that situation, if we saw a comrade who was supposed to watch our backs blinded by libido and chasing pleasure, we would never like that." Hyunsung's face twists into an even more pained expression as the two women in front of him watch on in confusion. "Not to mention if someone had to go through a boys-only middle school and a boys-only high school, as well as engineering college…"
Heewon cuts in to ask if he's just talking about himself at this point, but Hyunsung just reiterates that anyone would feel betrayed by that. As Hyunsung explains that Joonghyuk seems to be a man of self-restraint and that he has a soldier's spirit despite not being in the military, the screen shifts to show Joonghyuk walking away from the tent with displeasure written all over his face.
"Unnie, your face looks weird," Yoo Mia drawled as she glanced at Lee Jihye. Kim Dokja had to agree—was she okay? That probably wasn't a normal reaction to… well, whatever had just happened.
Lee Jihye looked away awkwardly. "Uh, I just need to know if Hyunsung-oppa's companionship is as strong as Master's, of course!"
[the constellation 'demon-like judge of fire' is convinced that no one can have a stronger companionship with the incarnation 'kim dokja' than the incarnation 'yoo joonghyuk'.]
Kim Dokja shook his head in exhaustion as he listened to the future Lee Hyunsung's explanation. It did make sense that Yoo Joonghyuk would be angry if he saw someone goofing off or trying to chase romance under those circumstances, but…
What did their training regimens have to do with that?
Han Sooyoung snorted. "I can't tell if he's trying to imply that he has a stronger companionship with the protagonist bastard thanks to their mutual dedication to training, or if he's trying to tell this asshole that he's the better choice."
Huh??
"What!?" Lee Hyunsung yelped, his face pale and mortified as he stared at Han Sooyoung.
Oh, Kim Dokja did not envy him right now, considering the way that Yoo Joonghyuk was pinning him under his glare. Clearly, Lee Hyunsung had failed to realize that he and Yoo Joonghyuk had very different definitions of companions. Also, he just felt awful for the man because Jung Heewon was also staring at him in confusion over what was going on, and that was probably more intimidating for Lee Hyunsung than Yoo Joonghyuk was right now.
Still, why did Kim Dokja have to get stuck in the middle of whatever mess Han Sooyoung had just created?
[the constellation 'abyssal black flame dragon' is laughing at the incarnation 'lee hyunsung'.]
"Uh, Hyunsung-ssi, those are very specific circumstances you're describing," Jung Heewon muttered in a deadpan tone. "I really don't think that all of that could apply to Joonghyuk-ssi."
"They don't," Yoo Joonghyuk replied curtly.
Yoo Sangah glanced over at him curiously. "What did you study in college, Joonghyuk-ssi?"
His lips pursed at that, and his jaw clenched. "I didn't."
Yoo Sangah's eyes widened in shock. "Oh, I would have expected that you would have studied something like game design, or something else to do with computers. You were a pro-gamer, after all…"
All Yoo Joonghyuk did was grunt in acknowledgement, which was enough to shut down that conversation. Was his past really off-limits? A shame, Kim Dokja had been hoping to potentially get more lore that had never been mentioned in TWSA.
[the constellation 'secretive plotter' is sighing and glancing away.]
He explains very convincingly that someone like Joonghyuk would be sensitive to things upsetting his line of command and must feel like his comradeship is crumbling. Dokja looks absolutely astounded by this conclusion while Heewon hums before seeming quite convinced by Hyunsung's passionate rant, to Uriel's disappointment—both in Heewon for agreeing, and in Hyunsung for his 'wrong companionship'.
"Pathetic man. One glance from a woman is enough to make you hand over your body."
Joonghyuk looks down on a man with both disappointment and disdain evident in his gaze before he walks away, leaving the other man kneeling on the ground and trying to reach out to him.
"I will never accept people driven by sexual urges as companions. People like you easily make mistakes."
"Crumbling?" Lee Jihye whimpered, looking genuinely devastated as she turned to plead with him. "Ahjussi, you have to go and tell him it was all a misunderstanding!"
Uh… she did remember that he couldn't actually do anything to affect the future they were watching, right?
[the constellation 'maritime war god' is contemplating the words of the incarnation 'lee hyunsung'.]
[the constellation 'bald leader of the peasant's army' is shaking his head in disappointment.]
Han Sooyoung snickered again. "Wrong companionship, huh? Yeah, I'm pretty sure you're talking about two different things entirely."
Still, it was hard to refute when Kim Dokja immediately recalled the scene from the third round in the novel, where Yoo Joonghyuk had been angry over exactly that.
Lee Gilyoung stuck out his tongue at Yoo Joonghyuk, then looked up at Kim Dokja with wide eyes. "It's okay, hyung, you can ditch him. You have me!"
"Ugh, no, ahjussi has me!" Shin Yoosung hissed. Before they could set off into another argument, Kim Dokja placed a hand on both of their heads with a sigh.
"No, we're going to keep working with Joonghyuk-ie. Besides, he recruited you, Gilyoung-ah. I'm not going to leave you alone in the next scenario."
The scene snaps back to the present where an over-tired Dokja is frantically reading through the novel and seeing that Joonghyuk did indeed say something along the lines of Hyunsung's assumption during his third regression. He mentally whines that he'd feel the entire situation would be less unfair to him if they had actually kissed since, at this point, he's just been accused of something that he didn't even do.
Then, Kim Dokja genuinely flinched when his thoughts were broadcast to the whole room, and the bile rose in his throat again.
"What the fuck, Kim Dokja?" Jung Heewon hissed, looking at him with betrayal in her eyes, her hand grabbing tightly onto Yoo Sangah's. They both looked pale, and Kim Dokja could feel the world closing in around him and sucking out all his oxygen.
Fuck.
[many constellations are shocked by the thoughts of the incarnation 'kim dokja'.]
[the constellation 'god of wine and ecstasy' is watching intently while sipping his wine.]
[the constellation 'queen of the darkest spring' is frowning.]
"I—"
Yoo Sangah's smile was gone, and she looked at him anxiously. "Dokja-ssi, you don't actually mean that…"
He had been trying to ignore it all this time, but it was hard to do that when the truth was screaming in his face. He was a terrible person, and he knew that everyone would take that thought the wrong way. He knew it would happen.
Kim Dokja didn't want to kiss Yoo Sangah—especially not without her consent. He wasn't lamenting that he should have gotten the 'reward' if he was going to be punished anyway, just to make it worthwhile. That wasn't what that thought meant.
Instead, he was exhausted, crumbling beneath the weight of accusations thrown at him that weren't even true. All his life, he had dealt with people making assumptions without caring about the repercussions, and it was overwhelming in the worst way.
You'll be the same as your mother. You did this for attention. You asked for this. It's your fault. You're pathetic hopeless weak—
You deserve to ███.
Kim Dokja didn't want to kiss Yoo Sangah, but he just wanted the false accusations to stop. If he had actually done it, then he wouldn't feel like a piece of shit for nothing. If he actually deserved it, then he couldn't even protest against whatever people hurled at him.
Maybe he wanted that—a reason for people to hate him that was actually true.
Maybe Kim Dokja just wanted a reason to hate himself.
Jiwon speaks up, causing Dokja to stop hunching over his phone as she asks if they can now select the remaining participants. Ildo continues by pointing out that there are four slots remaining after Joonghyuk's declaration. They all briefly look at Hyeonho's unconscious body before Sangkyung coughs into his fist and recommends that they do a final showdown in order to choose the final slots.
Kim Dokja breathed heavily, barely processing anything happening around him. He could feel someone's hand on his shoulder, but he couldn't look at them or tell who it even was.
"Kim Dokja." That was Yoo Joonghyuk, wasn't it? Instantly, he found himself staring into dark eyes, allowing the weight of his stare to force Kim Dokja back into his body. When he felt enough like himself to glance over, he realized that it was Yoo Sangah holding onto his shoulder.
"Are you… are you okay, Dokja-ssi?" she asked quietly.
He nodded. "I wouldn't do that, Sangah-ssi. I know my thoughts sounded bad, but—"
Lee Seolhwa looked over with a small smile gracing her lips. "I believe you, Dokja-ssi. If you had actually meant it in… specific ways, I'm sure you would have been defensive or even aggressive."
And instead, he had broken down into a panic, but none of them knew why, and Kim Dokja had no intentions of explaining. Plus, hee wasn't sure how he could explain anything even if he did want to. No one would understand without context that Kim Dokja absolutely didn't want to provide.
[several constellations are concerned for the incarnation 'kim dokja'.]
"I'm fine," he said awkwardly. "What's more important right now is that we see who else gets sent."
He had to distract himself. It was the only way he'd be able to stay present, and he didn't want to deal with Jung Heewon's extremely awkward and guilty look right now either. He didn't blame her for getting defensive—hell, it was the reasonable stance to take. She was a good person, and he appreciated that she was looking out for Yoo Sangah so much. She deserved someone like that on her side, after all.
"Well, at least that guy is still knocked out so he can't go," Yoo Mia snorted after glancing at Kim Dokja quickly. Had she tried to change the subject specifically because she recognized that he was uncomfortable? That was actually unusually nice, coming from her.
[the constellation 'prisoner of the golden headband' is mocking the incarnation 'yoo hyeonho'.]
After an indeterminate amount of time, Sangkyung's bruised and bloodied face—where a single tear falls from his visible eye—makes a grand entrance. He's been knocked out cold. Jiwon follows him, where she is panting an injured, but still conscious. To the side, Ildo stands and says he'll stay back to lead the people in the city. Above his head, a huge label declares that he forfeited. Sookyung seems to have abstained from the fight entirely.
Jiwon looks up at Dokja and asks how strong he is, comparing both him and Joonghyuk to monsters. Dokja, who just adjusts his jacket and looks like he didn't even break a sweat, tells them to wait for the second batch to open. He tries to appear cool while thinking that this is what he should have done from the start. Jiwon sighs, then asks who he'll bring with him.
"Hah! He got knocked the fuck out," Han Sooyoung laughed. "Wow, that's amazing."
Min Jiwon was thankfully still conscious, but she was definitely injured. Clearly, she wasn't going to end up participating either, and that was for the best. They needed her back in Seoul anyway.
[the constellation 'one-eyed maitreya' is sighing in disappointment.]
[the constellation 'lady of the sleeping brocade' is flustered.]
"Oh, those two stayed out of it entirely," Lee Hyunsung muttered, glancing over his shoulder at her. Kim Dokja knew that she was silently staring—likely in disappointment—and that she had been since earlier. He was just doing his best to ignore her as much as possible.
"Of course ahjussi won," Shin Yoosung said gleefully as she hugged Kim Dokja, and he relaxed slightly in her hold. At least now, he could decide on the last few people to go along with them into the next scenario. He was fairly confident that one of them would be Shin Yoosung, and another would be Yoo Sangah, but he had no idea who the last person would be.
"Myself, and that child," Dokja declares, looking over his shoulder at Yoosung. The girl's eyes twinkle as she seems to be holding back her emotions. As Sangkyung gets back up, looking incredibly flustered, Dokja tells Jiwon that she's not one of the people he'll bring with him, which she accepts. He then tells everyone to go on ahead of him since he has something to take care of.
Kim Dokja patted Shin Yoosung's head, smiling weakly down at her. "I believe in you."
"If you're also taking Sangah-ssi, then that makes nine of us total. Who's going to be the last person then?" Jung Heewon wondered, glancing over at him. She seemed apologetic, and maybe this was her way to make up for earlier without drawing attention to it.
Kim Dokja appreciated it, honestly.
[the constellation 'lady of the sleeping brocade' is disappointed that her incarnation will not be participating.]
[many constellations are curious about the choice that the incarnation 'kim dokja' will make.]
Then, right as he let down his guard, Kim Dokja heard himself tell the others to go ahead. Fuck. No, that wasn't a good idea.
Why would he do that and leave himself alone with—
Dokja watches through the nearly-closed tent flaps at the entrance as Hyunsung tells the others that they should find somewhere to lay Sangah down while they walk away. Dokja's eyes darken and his expression goes blank as he closes the flap and turns to face the one person left in the tent. The atmosphere is tense and Dokja seems more like he's ready for a fight than a casual discussion.
"It seems like you have a lot of friends," Sookyung states from where she sits on her chair, her arms crossed over her chest.
"It's been a while," Dokja states as his eyes narrow. The reddish image from the [Welcome Prison] of the woman standing over a body in a living room glitches in and out over her before it settles back on the masked woman. "Mother."
Kim Dokja froze up again, staring at the screen with a clenched jaw as all of his teammates left him alone with the woman who haunted his nightmares. He could see his own defenses go up and his emotions slowly drain from him as he prepared to face her, and Kim Dokja felt sick again.
"No," Jung Heewon hissed, looking horrified. "Go back, dammit! Go back!"
Han Sooyoung clicked her tongue, but it was obvious that even she was concerned. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, you idiot?"
[the constellation 'secretive plotter' is narrowing his eyes in the direction of the incarnation 'lee sookyung'.]
They already knew who she was, and that they were bound by blood. They knew that she was terror given human form, but they didn't know what had happened back then. They didn't know why Kim Dokja was so scared.
"'Friends'... I should have known it wouldn't be that simple," she scoffed, and Kim Dokja felt his heart drop into his stomach.
Those words alone said so much more—she was offended that he had sent them away. That he would hide this information from them.
But why would she care? Why now?
The woman with messy and damaged hair in the red-tinged room slowly begins to turn her head and, just as her face is about to be revealed, it turns back into the woman sitting in the tent with immaculate hair pulling off her own mask. Her face barely looks like Dokja's, and is clearly more worn from age. She smiles and her eyes soften the slightest amount as she reminds him that they saw each other only a few days ago.
Dokja's expression stays cold as he declares that he was just passing by, but takes note of her features. He thinks that she hasn't changed, and that she only looks as though she's in her late thirties and reminisces that he would be asked if she was actually his older cousin when he was younger.
Sookyung doesn't speak, her smile staying on her face, as she assesses the physical state of her son who has grown into an exceptional man.
I considered pretending to not know her and leaving, but for this scenario, I have no choice but to ask her for help.
[many constellations are curious to know what happened.]
"Now that I look at it, you really don't look that similar," Lee Jihye muttered, shooting a quick glance over at her.
Kim Dokja knew what Lee Jihye was seeing—though the shape of their faces were similar, there wasn't much else that made them look like they were so closely related. Perhaps he had her nose, but her eyes were sharper, and her hair was a completely different colour. She didn't have laugh lines or crow's feet, and maybe it was because she just didn't have any reason to smile in the first place.
Still, Kim Dokja wasn't sure if he was relieved that he didn't resemble her, or if he should be horrified because he knew what that meant. Growing up had been hard, especially when he had looked in the mirror and noticed for the first time how much he resembled that man. Kim Dokja hadn't looked in a mirror for a week, relying entirely on touch to do what skincare he could afford.
But now, looking at the screen, Kim Dokja sucked in a breath upon seeing her face looking so soft. Why? Why was she pretending to care?
[the constellation 'demon-like judge of fire' is scowling at the incarnation 'lee sookyung'.]
[a constellation who values taking care of one's skin is astounded by the age of the incarnation 'lee sookyung'.]
"Dokja-yah, how cold. You really wanted to pretend you didn't know your own mother?"
Kim Dokja sucked in a shuddering breath, but pushed through the fog in his brain to say, "Why should I acknowledge you when you're barely my mother at this point."
Fuck, why did he need her help? What was so important that he'd put himself through this?
He asks her how long it's been since she was released from prison, and she replies that it was a while ago. He continues, asking if she has been living in Seoul. Sookyung responds that she came to see someone she knew.
Dokja lets out a short laugh, an ironic smile on his face as he guesses that she just happened to get trapped within the Seoul Dome. Sookyung smiles back, less ironically, as she agrees.
Dokja then looks at her outfit and questions why she would put on her prison uniform again if she was released. Sookyung hums, "I wonder… perhaps to atone?"
The smile drops off of Dokja's face as she repeats her last word. His face looks absolutely disgusted as he gazes at her. "Atone? You?"
She closes her eyes, the smile oh her face never faltering, as she continues, "All humans are imprisoned. Everyone has something they become a prisoner to."
Han Sooyoung cursed under her breath when Kim Dokja mentioned that she had been released, likely recalling that she had been at the prison when the scenarios began.
Kim Dokja didn't even know what she meant by 'a while ago'. He had stopped visiting years ago, and he hadn't cared enough to keep up with any news. In fact, he had specifically set up filters to ensure that he wouldn't see anything about her when searching online.
[several constellations are amused by the current events.]
[the constellation 'abyssal black flame dragon' is snickering.]
So, it was just bad luck on both of their parts, wasn't it? Hers for being trapped here to begin with, and his for being trapped with her.
Still, he had to choke out a laugh when she claimed she wanted to atone. It was ridiculous. It was baffling.
It was a fucking lie.
"Don't even start with that bullshit," Kim Dokja spat, clenching his hands into fists. So what if she had gotten philosophical over the years they had spent apart? It didn't fucking matter when the past couldn't be changed.
She sighed in disappointment. "In the end, you're still just a naive child."
Dokja mentally notes that she hasn't changed at all, calling her arrogant. Sookyung wonders why he isn't thanking her, considering that he'd be in a pinch without her help. Dokja looks impassive once more as he mentally agrees with her statement.
She did lead her forces and defeated the disaster in the North. No matter how weak it was in comparison to the others, ultimately, it was still a disaster.
Sookyung then states that Dokja doesn't even seem pleased to see her when it's been so long since he last spoke with his mother. Dokja looks at her blandly and asks if she wants him to be happy. She smiles slightly as she admits she wanted it just a little.
Dokja immediately activates [Lie Detection] and finds her statement to be false. His eyes turn dark as a ridiculing smile overtakes his features.
Ha. It's laughable—that I checked if it was a lie despite already knowing it was one, that is.
[the constellation 'queen of the darkest spring' is frowning at the current events.]
Thank her? She wanted him to thank her?
Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes narrowed even further. "You went after the disaster specifically so Kim Dokja would owe you."
Was that a question? A statement? Kim Dokja wasn't sure anymore, but Yoo Joonghyuk sounded so certain that Kim Dokja just had to believe him. His hands shook, and he didn't dare turn around to see her reaction to that accusation.
Kim Dokja didn't know if he was more scared that she'd agree or deny it.
However, it was his next question that made him freeze. Did she want him to be happy?
"Of course… right?" Yoo Sangah asked hesitantly, sounding far less confident than she likely wanted to. Kim Dokja wanted to burst out laughing.
What a joke.
[many constellations are flabbergasted.]
[the constellation 'secretive plotter' is astounded by the current events.]
[the constellation 'demon-like judge of fire' is barely holding back from drawing her sword.]
A lie. Of fucking course it was.
Fuck, he shouldn't have done that. He shouldn't have checked for something he already knew—not when it could be interpreted as him hoping for a different answer.
"Oh shit," Lee Jihye whispered in horror, and Kim Dokja couldn't even spare a thought to reprimand her for her language.
Dokja commends her for surviving everything so far, and Sookyung answers that it was thanks to the story that he told her. Dokja mutters to himself that it was exactly as he thought after all, before Sookyung continues, stating that he would probably be the only kid in the world who visited their mother in prison just to talk about nothing but 'some novel' he was reading. As she says this, her smile looks more strained as Dokja frowns, knowing that she was right—TWSA was all he had talked about, and once he got tired of doing that, he simply stopped visiting.
[the constellation 'secretive plotter' is clenching his hands into fists in anger.]
What a goddamn hypocrite. How dare she use what she knew of TWSA to survive when she was bad mouthing it so much?
"Wait, so when you said earlier that you told her…" Han Sooyoung trailed off awkwardly, glancing at Kim Dokja. He nodded his head ever so slightly, and she scowled. "Shit."
Yoo Joonghyuk looked stunned, but also conflicted. Maybe he hated that his story had been spread in such a way, or maybe he hated that she had knowledge of his struggles too.
"My oppa's life is not just 'some novel'," Yoo Mia said in a voice trembling with anger. "You don't get to say that!"
"That's all it was to me," she replied coldly. "Just some novel that my son was unhealthily obsessed with."
[the constellation 'demon-like judge of fire' is protesting the words of the incarnation 'lee sookyung'.]
"That's because there was nothing else I could talk to you about."
As Dokja says this, the screen darkens before a thin white line appears and turns into the glass separating mother and son as a teenage Dokja sits uncomfortably in a chair before her. His face and clothes look slightly beat up as his mouth moves in unheard words, and his eyes are shadowed by his bangs.
"That one novel meant everything to me."
There was nothing else. Why would Kim Dokja have bothered telling her about how he was doing or the struggles he was facing when she wouldn't respond anyway? It was all the same, in the end. No matter what he said, the answer wouldn't change.
At the very least, he could fill the silence with something he loved, even if she didn't appreciate it.
The kids whimpered and hugged him tightly, and that was the only thing keeping Kim Dokja from falling too deep into memories. He vividly remembered that room on the screen—the smell of the stale air, and the silence. The hard chair and the cold glass. The clock ticking away on the wall, counting down the moments until he'd be free to breathe again.
[the constellation 'lily blooming in aquarius' is frowning deeply.]
Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes went wide, and he stared at Kim Dokja in shock as his future self confessed just how much that story meant to him.
It felt like the protagonist was seeing him for the first time, laid bare and opened up right there in front of him. Kim Dokja couldn't quantify how much he loved TWSA—not truly—but saying that it meant everything was as close to the truth as he was willing to admit.
Maybe Yoo Joonghyuk would see him differently after this. Maybe he wouldn't. Kim Dokja didn't know, but the truth was out there now.
"Kim Dokja, is that—" Yoo Joonghyuk began, but cut himself off just as suddenly.
Ah, so that's what he wanted to know?
Kim Dokja let out a sigh and closed his eyes, not wanting to see the expression on the protagonist's face.
"It's true," he admitted. "It's all true."
[the eyes of the constellation 'secretive plotter' are shaking.]