[many constellations are flabbergasted.]
[the constellation 'demon-like judge of fire' is paling considerably.]
Han Sooyoung exhaled quietly and whispered, "What the fuck?"
That seemed to be the overwhelming sentiment from everyone in the group, too stunned to speak otherwise. Kim Dokja understood, far more intimately than he would like.
On the day he discovered the book had been published, he had gone nearly catatonic for hours before breaking down into tears of denial. He hadn't believed it then, and he should have.
"Why would you do that?" Yoo Mia snapped, shooting her fiercest glare at her.
"It was necessary," she replied, and the girl didn't seem to be satisfied with that.
Looking more and more like her brother, Yoo Mia narrowed her eyes harshly. "You keep saying 'necessary, necessary' but never explain anything! I don't even care why you did it anymore, but you keep hurting ahjussi and that means my oppa definitely hates you."
Kim Dokja felt more than saw her frosty expression as she shifted her gaze to stare directly at Yoo Joonghyuk. The air was filled with even more tension as the two glared at each other for a moment, leaving Kim Dokja shivering.
Though she didn't bother replying, everyone could tell that the feeling was mutual. Yoo Joonghyuk didn't say anything either, and that was potentially even more terrifying than if he had.
"I still remember the way reporters would swarm my house. Everyone kept asking if her essays were based on a true story," Dokja states as reporters are shown in droves, crowded around a single apartment door. When it opens, they rush to interrogate the young boy with blank eyes and messy clothes, but he doesn't want to respond. As Dokja moves to talking about what his classmates would say about the book—that she sold off her past as a murderer for cash—the scene fades into a scene of his school where some bullies are gleefully holding up the book and laughing while looming over him.
Then Dokja begins talking about the abusive words his relatives would shout, demanding to know how his mother could be so shameless as to get her face in the newspaper when she was a murderer. As he describes this, a scene appears of an angry middle-aged man crumpling a newspaper in his hands while standing over Dokja, who is kneeling on the ground with a large bruise on his cheek. The other people standing around seem to pay him no mind, all turning away from his plight and treating him like he doesn't exist.
Sucking in a shaky breath, Kim Dokja closed his eyes again. It was too vivid, too real. It was suffocating, overwhelming, and so incredibly isolating to be all alone in a crowd of people. The questions and accusations had rained down on him like a typhoon, and no matter how much he refused to answer, they wouldn't go away.
"Oh my god," Yoo Sangah gasped in horror. "Dokja-ssi, that's…"
That was his life, laid bare on the screen. That was the truth of his pathetic existence.
[the constellation 'scribe of heaven' is wondering why such things are interesting enough to swarm a house.]
Kim Dokja still didn't like crowds, and he hated being the centre of attention even more. He hated having his privacy invaded, and he hated everything about this scenario for doing exactly that.
"I want to kill them, hyung," Lee Gilyoung hissed when he saw the bullies on the screen, his grip tightening on Kim Dokja's sleeve.
"That was a long time ago, Gilyoung-ah," Kim Dokja reminded him absently, his voice a bit more distant than he'd like. "There's nothing you can do now."
"Shit, even your relatives?" Jung Heewon cursed, gritting her teeth as she did. "What the fuck is wrong with them?"
[constellations who like children are disapproving of the actions of the relatives of the incarnation 'kim dokja'.]
They hadn't wanted him there, and that was all there was to it. She had no siblings, and so Kim Dokja had been sent to live with his paternal aunt and uncle, as well as their children. They hadn't cared for him—instead, they had seen him as a reminder of both her and of his father's death. He was a waste of space, a waste of time, and a waste of money.
Then, the book had come out, and he was the only person they could lash out at about it.
"Ahjussi, that's so unfair," Lee Jihye said quietly. "This is making me so angry. I'm with Gilyoung-ie, I want to kill them."
Feeling floaty and disconnected, Kim Dokja shook his head. "It's fine, Jihye-yah."
Lee Seolhwa frowned, looking at him with a sad expression. "It's not fine, Dokja-ssi. You're clearly still affected by everything that happened."
No, he was fine. If he let his emotions drain away and vanish for a while, then he could handle whatever came his way. It didn't matter that he felt empty and hollow, or that processing was harder than usual.
"I'm fine, really," Kim Dokja lied.
[the constellation 'prisoner of the golden headband' is looking at the incarnation 'kim dokja' with a doubtful gaze.]
He just wanted to get this over with. Why draw it out further by trying to dig into his mind?
Sangah calls his name sadly when Dokja explains that it was more than a little hard living like that. "I could endure living as the child of a murderer, but having that life turned into a story and sold for profit is different."
A younger Dokja walks down the street with his bag on his back, going to school where yet another day of torment awaits him. Below his feet, the sidewalk turns into the red cover of the book, and money begins to float down around him like snowflakes. Yet he continues, walking through the story his life has been made into.
Dokja of the present stops walking and looks at the sky as he finishes speaking.
The constellations didn't gift me any coins then. But now more than ever before, I can feel the gazes of all the constellations looking at me. This too must just be another story to them.
In this state, Kim Dokja didn't even flinch when she looked at him sadly. The disconnect was weird—he knew he should be feeling something, but he didn't know if it was supposed to be anger or sadness. Right now, he didn't feel anything at all.
Lee Hyunsung looked like he was about to start crying upon hearing Kim Dokja's words, and Kim Dokja couldn't understand why.
[the constellation 'secretive plotter' is looking at the incarnation 'kim dokja' silently.]
Shin Yoosung curled in closer to him and frowned sadly at the screen. "Ahjussi, that must have been hard…"
It was, and there was no way around it. It had been hard, but Kim Dokja had forced himself to keep living despite that. Despite his best attempt otherwise.
"Shit," Han Sooyoung sighed. "So you actually understood how it felt to be a 'character' from the very beginning, didn't you?"
Ah, that was it, wasn't it? For all those people who had picked up a copy of that book, who assumed it was maybe inspired by a true story, or merely the ramblings of a woman locked away, the little boy in the essays was merely a character. He was a figure meant to evoke pity and sympathy. A shallow replica of the child that was.
All this time, that book had haunted his steps, lurking around every dark corner. The rumours followed him no matter where he went, and other than web novel sites, his internet footprint was nonexistent. Kim Dokja hadn't wanted anyone to try contacting him through social media, and he had no one to talk to anyway.
[some constellations are eager to hear more of this story.]
[the constellation 'abyssal black flame dragon' is wishing to see the actual murder scene instead.]
"We're the same," Yoo Joonghyuk said lowly, and for the first time since that awful feeling of emptiness began, a flicker of emotion burst to life in Kim Dokja's heart. For over a decade, Kim Dokja had been desperately using Yoo Joonghyuk as a crutch to keep himself upright, and hearing that declaration spill from his lips was unforeseen.
In the end, all their lives were stories, weren't they?
Dokja looks back down and turns to Sangah, asking if she still thinks that he should forgive his mother. Despite that, he doesn't want her to answer or understand in the first place—it's just him forcing his unhappiness onto someone who will never truly understand it.
Maybe this is the vilest form of violence I can use against Yoo Sangah, who was raised in a happy home.
Dokja then laughs and tells her that he was just messing around. He claims that he was fooling her and that no such book exists—after all, how can something that dramatic happen in real life? He then tries to call their mother-son relationship normal and claims that his father just died in an accident when he was little. He cuts himself off and freezes when Sangah reaches out and holds his hand in her own, offering him some form of comfort. The two stand in silence, not looking at each other as [The Fourth Wall] trembles.
"I…" Yoo Sangah muttered, trailing off awkwardly. "I don't know."
That was okay. He never intended to, so it had been a rhetorical question to begin with.
[the constellation 'queen of the darkest spring' is looking sadly at the incarnation 'kim dokja'.]
"I may never understand, and I know you don't want me to," Yoo Sangah said as confidently as she could. "After all, understanding would mean going through similar circumstances."
She gently took Kim Dokja's hand, looking down at it. "Dokja-ssi, you may think you're doing something horrible, but I think you're just saying that to convince yourself that you're not a good person. You know nothing about my home life, or my family, and yet… you don't want me to be able to understand because you know what that would mean."
Kim Dokja swallowed a lump in his throat as his emotions came rushing back to him. She wasn't right. She couldn't be.
[the constellation 'demon-like judge of fire' is sobbing.]
[the constellation 'lily blooming in aquarius' is nodding in agreement with the incarnation 'yoo sangah'.]
Then, the Kim Dokja of the future pretended it had all been a lie, and that he was making it up.
"Dokja-ssi, we aren't going to believe that," Lee Hyunsung said sadly. "You don't have to pretend now that we know."
Fuck, even though Lee Hyunsung was basically a golden retriever in human form, Kim Dokja didn't want to admit that kind of weakness. Still, it was hard to deny anything when she was right there, and though her words were cryptic, they were still nearly undeniable proof that everything had happened exactly as Kim Dokja's brief flashback had shown.
[the constellation 'founder's mother' is watching mournfully.]
Even in the future, Yoo Sangah was reaching out to him just like she was now, and Kim Dokja felt the warmth of her hand so vividly. It was different from Yoo Joonghyuk's—less tingly, and more gentle, for one—but it was comfort that he hadn't been shown in the past.
"Thank you, Sangah-ssi," he said quietly, and he watched as a small smile grew on her face.
"Of course, it's nothing," she whispered in return. "I know you may not be ready for it, but we're here for you as much as you're willing to let us be."
Ah, was this what having a friend was supposed to feel like?
"Dokja!" The sudden call of his name causes them both to jolt and immediately separate their hands as though flinging the other away. Heewon hurries over and teasingly asks if they kissed again, causing Sangah to go red and stammer while Dokja blushes slightly due to the awkwardness. As Heewon continues to tease them, Dokja tells her to stop messing around as nothing happened.
Getting back on track, Heewon states that a weird grandma dropped by and wonders if she was invited by Dokja. The old woman steps forward, using her cane to help her walk as she wonders what he would want with a 'useless old hag' like her. As she approaches, the label on her uniform displays the number 406 as she greets him pleasantly, mentioning that she has heard a lot about him from Sookyung.
Han Sooyoung flinched as violently as the two on screen did, letting out a shaky breath. "Fuck, that was sudden."
Jung Heewon paled and grimaced, looking incredibly awkward. "I totally just messed up a moment that he needed, didn't I?"
[the constellation 'god of wine and ecstasy' is disappointed in the incarnation 'jung heewon'.]
She just looked even worse when her future self started making jokes about the two of them kissing, letting out a groan and burying her face in her hands.
"Ugh, I'm such an ass," she muttered. "Sorry."
"N-no, it's okay, really," Yoo Sangah protested, pulling away from Kim Dokja to hold both hands up in front of her. "You didn't mean anything bad by it."
Jung Heewon didn't look convinced, but she did relax a bit when she watched herself bring up the grandmother who had just arrived.
Yoo Joonghyuk narrowed his eyes as he looked at the old woman. "She's downplaying herself."
[the constellation 'maritime war god' agrees with the assessment of the incarnation 'yoo joonghyuk'.]
She had heard a lot about him, huh? Kim Dokja wasn't naive enough to believe that it was only good things.
Back in the square, an ornate floating object has captured the attention of the incarnations. As it slowly lowers to the ground, Dokja pushes through the crowd of people to emerge beside where Joonghyuk is standing at the front. The protagonist glances over at him before commenting on the fact that he came, and when Dokja jokingly remarks in a somewhat exhausted tone that Joonghyuk isn't happy to see him, Joonghyuk just looks straight ahead.
"You don't have to participate in this one. You have a woman you love, after all."
Dokja just freezes, looking absolutely bewildered as Joonghyuk just moves on and states that the scenario won't be easy. Dokja thinks with surprise that Joonghyuk likely excluded his name out of consideration, but can barely believe that's something the protagonist would do. Dokja snaps out of it when he looks at Seolhwa standing beside Joonghyuk and remembers that the man had just lost her in the previous regression, making everything a little more clear to him.
Lee Gilyoung scrunched up his nose as he looked at the strange object floating in the sky. "Hyung, what even is that thing?"
"It's what'll open the portal to the next scenario," Kim Dokja answered, hugging both kids just a bit closer. "I know it looks a bit weird."
Well, maybe that was an understatement, but the bigger issue was the crowd size. Why were so many people loitering in the vicinity when they weren't even participating in the scenario? Pushing through a crowd to get anywhere was always miserable.
[the constellation 'demon-like judge of fire' is delighted to see the companions next to each other again.]
Kim Dokja blinked in confusion. The protagonist looked oddly calm, considering his anger and frustration earlier. What had changed in the short time since the meeting had ended? Had he gone and punched a wall to get out his emotions or something?
"Huh? How is it a surprise that ahjussi showed up?" Shin Yoosung demanded, shooting a suspicious glance in the protagonist's direction. "Did you think he'd send someone else instead?"
Yoo Joonghyuk narrowed his eyes as he looked at the screen, looking critical of his future self's actions. He was acting very out of character, and Kim Dokja was also extremely confused.
Then, Kim Dokja's jaw dropped and he had to blink rapidly as he stared at the screen. He couldn't have heard that right. There was no way that Yoo Joonghyuk actually thought—
"You have got to be shitting me," Han Sooyoung gasped. "Oh my god, they're both fucking blind. I give up."
[the constellation 'secretive plotter' is baffled by the current events.]
[the constellation 'demon-like judge of fire' is letting out a wail of despair.]
[a constellation who likes love triangles is intrigued.]
"Wait, why would you act all pissed off and then leave me off the list because you're trying to be nice!?" Kim Dokja yelped, looking all sorts of confused as he stared at Yoo Joonghyuk. "What is up with your mixed messages?"
"You're one to talk," Jung Heewon coughed in a way that was likely meant to be discreet, but really, really wasn't.
This conversation wasn't about him, though.
Yoo Joonghyuk crossed his arms over his chest and scowled. "I'm not heartless, Kim Dokja."
Well yeah, Kim Dokja was well aware of that! Still, it made no sense that he was extending this misguided consideration to Kim Dokja, of all people.
[several constellations are nodding in realization.]
Oh.
Kim Dokja's gaze darted over to Lee Seolhwa in the room as well, and she seemed to be taking it a bit better than other times. At least this time, it was about grief more than anything else, and she understood that. Yoo Joonghyuk looked away, but Kim Dokja still noticed the way his jaw clenched a bit tighter than before.
Hopefully he wasn't getting lost in the memories of his past too.
Dokja states that it's all a misunderstanding and asks if the other man thinks that it makes sense for him to chase after love in such a situation. Joonghyuk just retorts that it wouldn't matter to him if Dokja died. Looking done with the conversation, Dokja tells him to be nice since he does have feelings. Joonghyuk takes the chance to glare at him and remind him of the hit he still has to return.
Looking ten times more tired, Dokja blandly thanks him for the reminder as he muses that he can't tell if the protagonist wants him to live or die.
Dokja then messages the group chat, alerting Hyunsung, Sangah, Heewon, Gilyoung, and Yoosung that there are some things he needs to go over before the scenario. He explains that the
[Please wait…!] Dokja's messaging is interrupted when a dokkaebi appears and, after the probability crackle disappears, Youngki apologizes and announces that he has an urgent announcement. [It completely slipped my mind. The number of people who can initially participate from Seoul Dome has been adjusted to eight people, not ten people.]
"I know it's a misunderstanding now," Yoo Joonghyuk muttered in a way that would seem almost petulant if Kim Dokja didn't know him as well as he did.
[the constellation 'demon-like judge of fire' is saying that it's okay to look for love still.]
Seriously, no one had time for that kind of thing when they had to survive.
Rolling his eyes, Kim Dokja sighed. "Ugh, you sunfish bastard."
The kids glared viciously at Yoo Joonghyuk for even daring to imply that he wouldn't care if Kim Dokja died, and even Yoo Mia was looking at him doubtfully. Huh, that was unusual.
Yoo Sangah looked exhausted as she glanced over at Jung Heewon and Han Sooyoung with a sigh. The other two offered her a tired look of solidarity, and Kim Dokja genuinely had no idea why they looked like they were done with life entirely.
"Master, maybe don't hit ahjussi too hard," Lee Jihye muttered awkwardly, and Kim Dokja could tell by her expression that she was probably feeling a bit bad about the whole situation after hearing about his childhood.
Kim Dokja frowned. This was a matter of pride at this point, dammit. "I can take a punch, you know."
The mood plummeted instantly, and Kim Dokja felt his brow twitch. Fuck, that was probably the wrong thing to say, wasn't it?
Yoo Joonghyuk, on the other hand, looked pissed off again for some reason. "You fool."
[a few constellations are unsure about the intentions of the incarnation 'yoo joonghyuk'.]
[several constellations believe that the incarnation 'yoo joonghyuk' wants the incarnation 'kim dokja' to live.]
Well, whatever the case was, Kim Dokja was at least 75% confident that the Yoo Joonghyuk sitting next to him wasn't out to kill him. Hopefully that was the case for his future self too, or else things would get very awkward very quickly.
Then, Kim Dokja assigned the teams, and Shin Yoosung cheered excitedly.
"Take that, bug boy! I'm with ahjussi!"
Lee Gilyoung teared up, looking genuinely distraught. "That's not fair! Hyung please, can't we go in a team of three?"
Lee Jihye gasped dramatically, grabbing the kids' attention before Kim Dokja could even reply. "Come on, don't you want to team up with the best noona ever?"
Lee Gilyoung was silent for just a moment too long, and she started sulking. They were off to an excellent start, clearly.
Lee Hyunsung, however, was beet red as he excitedly told Jung Heewon that he was looking forward to working with her, and Yoo Sangah looked a bit nervous at being paired up with one of the Wanderers.
[many constellations are shocked by the sudden change in the scenario.]
Wait, what?
Dokja looks up in shock as everyone starts murmuring about it. Dokja asks what the hell this is all about, cursing the dokkaebi for pulling this move right after they finally decided the participants. Youngki nervously fidgets with his hands as he explains that some people happened to fall into a dimensional warp during the fifth scenario and were sent ahead in advance.
Dokja makes a surprised noise and clarifies that it was two people. Youngki nods as he confirms it, and states that two people from Seoul Dome have already begun the sixth scenario. Dokja startles before realization dawns and he has a flashback to the Underworld.
Back then, on that screen Persephone showed me… was I watching the footage of Gong Pildu and Han Sooyoung in the sixth scenario?
Youngki apologizes for the error of them being sent, but explains that they still must restrict the slots out of fairness. This causes outrage in the crowd who angrily shout at the dokkaebi, shaking fists in the air at him.
Heewon steps forward and asks Dokja what they're going to do now. Dokja doesn't answer right away, narrowing his eyes as he looks forward, knowing that he'll have to make a difficult decision.
"Only eight people!?" Jung Heewon exclaimed, looking nervous. "That means that two of us have to stay back, right?"
[several constellations are protesting this change.]
When the dokkaebi revealed that it was an accident during the fifth scenario, Han Sooyoung paled.
"Ah shit, it's me and the old dude, right?"
Seemed like it. They were already in a forest that fit the description of the one in Peace Land from the novel…
"So it's all ahjumma's fault," Yoo Mia muttered, unimpressed.
Han Sooyoung scowled. "Oi, it's not like I tried to fall into some kind of dimensional portal bullshit. Shit's fucked, and we just have to deal with it."
Her scowl turned into a grin a moment later, though. "But think of it this way, at least you're going to get my help during the next scenario. You're welcome."
[the constellation 'abyssal black flame dragon' is roaring in excitement.]
Kim Dokja looked at the screen with a deadpan expression. "Yeah, no. I'd rather have the team I planned for, thanks."
[the constellation 'prisoner of the golden headband' is laughing at the incarnation 'han sooyoung'.]
[the constellation 'secretive plotter' is curious to see what solution the incarnation 'kim dokja' will come up with.]