Zeke was lost.
Not in a city.
Not in a building.
In reality.
Still floating in The Between—a liminal space accidentally accessed via garbage bin—Zeke was getting desperate. His sandwich was gone. His crisps were stale. His dignity had never arrived.
Zeke: "Bitty, is there a GPS for this… void of existential horror?"
Bitty: "Yes. It's called The Oracle of Places. Highly accurate. Incredibly sarcastic."
Zeke: "That sounds like my kind of tech."
...
He accessed the Oracle using the dumpster's onboard panel.
Zeke: "Hey, Oracle! Where the hell am I?"
ORACLE RESPONSE:
"You are here. Where here is, is up to interpretation. Maybe you're a metaphor. Ever think about that, meat sack?"
Zeke: "Wow. I feel seen."
Bitty: "Warning: Oracle interfaces with other systems when ignored for too long."
Zeke: "Wait what?"
Too late. The Oracle pinged every known dimension with the following message:
"Hi. One (1) organic unit seeks directions. Please advise. Or invade."
...
Meanwhile, on the edge of Galactic Zone 9…
Alien Commander Tzzz'Klek received the signal.
Tzzz'Klek: "Who dares summon the War Legions of Xrr'kan?"
Technician: "Someone named 'Zeke.' Species: human. Message tone: apologetic confusion."
Tzzz'Klek: "Typical human nonsense. Prepare the fleet."
...
Back in The Between…
Zeke was trying to turn off the Oracle by hitting it with a flip-flop.
Bitty: "That's not helping."
Zeke: "It's helping me emotionally!"
Suddenly, rifts opened in every direction—ships pouring through. Metallic beasts, plasma wings, alien warhorns blaring across the void.
Zeke: "…So. That happened."
Bitty: "On the plus side, you're no longer lost."
Zeke: "No, now I'm surrounded. That's very different."
...
Alien Commander Tzzz'Klek hailed him directly.
"HUMAN. YOU DARED TO SUMMON US."
Zeke blinked. "I literally just wanted to know if I was closer to Neptune or Hell."
"WE SHALL ANNIHILATE YOU."
Bitty: "Zeke, maybe try diplomacy?"
Zeke held up his last stale crisp.
Zeke: "Peace offering?"
The entire warfleet paused.
Commander Tzzz'Klek: "…Is that Jalapeño Kale? The Snack of Unity?"
...
Five awkward minutes later…
Zeke sat on a fold-out table in the void, sharing chips with three alien generals and a psychic squid.
Alien General: "You're not the worst human we've met."
Zeke: "Thanks. I try not to be."
...
Tess called again.
Tess: "Did you start an alien war this time?"
Zeke: "Technically yes. But I ended it with snacks!"
Tess: "…Why is that working?"