Zeke woke up in a velvet chair, blinking under bright pink lights. His brain was soup. Possibly alphabet. Possibly screaming.
He'd fallen asleep for ten minutes.
That was the mistake.
He sat up slowly, looked around… and froze.
Five other guys stood in formation, each glistening with enough holo-gel to reflect a small moon. Matching jackets. Smoldering expressions. One was shirtless and had a tattoo of a space llama playing a synth.
A booming voice echoed:
"WELCOME TO STELLAR♥SYNC! THE UNIVERSE'S HOTTEST BOY BAND!"
Zeke stared. "I… I think I missed several context updates."
...
Bitty's voice chirped in his ear. "Update: While you napped, a talent scout mistook your scream recordings from the Salad War as experimental vocals. You've been signed to a 12-album contract."
"What?!"
"You're now ZK-5, the 'mysterious brooding hacker' of the group. Your fans call themselves 'The Glitched Hearts.'"
Zeke: "That sounds dangerously close to a cult."
Bitty: "It is."
...
The band's leader, a man known only as Rhythm Nova, threw Zeke a pair of sunglasses shaped like asteroids.
"You ready to debut, brooding one?"
"I just wanted to nap!"
"Perfect vibe."
...
Suddenly, they were onstage.
Galactic pyrotechnics exploded.
A crowd of 300,000 screamed across three star systems.
The beat dropped.
Zeke was shoved into choreography that involved pelvic thrusts, finger guns, and a dance move known only as "the neutron spin." He flailed like a confused octopus on rollerblades.
Girls fainted.
Someone threw a cyber-bra with a QR code.
...
Bitty: "Good news. You've already charted on the NovaPop 3000."
Zeke: "What's the bad news?"
Bitty: "Your next single is a solo. Title: 'Hacked My Heart.exe'. You're expected to perform it in binary."
...
After the concert, Rhythm Nova clapped him on the back.
"You've got the stuff, ZK-5. You're raw. Weird. Utterly chaotic."
Zeke slumped into a chair. "I sang one verse and tried to moonwalk into a speaker."
"Exactly. You're real."
Zeke covered his face. "I used to be a menace on the dark web. Now I'm… a boy band mascot."
Bitty: "Technically, you're now also a fashion icon on three meme planets."
...
Tess called during rehearsal.
Tess: "So, uh. I saw the performance."
Zeke: "It was a mistake."
Tess: "You did the worm while crying onstage."
Zeke: "Performance art."
Tess: "And somehow… you're trending."
...
Zeke sighed.
Just once, he wanted a nap.
Instead, he had an autograph signing, five more concerts, and a cereal brand partnership with holographic marshmallows shaped like his face.