My mom saw the look in my eyes and came to me, her expression softening with quiet sympathy. She reached out, patting my arm.
"I'm sorry this is all happening," she said gently.
"No. It's my fault. If Leonard hadn't started this whole thing because of me, it wouldn't have been a big deal."
She looked tired, I placed my hand over hers.
"I'm not going to think about that."
She raised her eyes to me, a little startled by my shift in tone.
"Leanna, a friend of mine from college—she's getting married."
"Oh, that's good news," my mom said, smiling lightly. I could tell she didn't quite remember Leanna; it had been so long ago. But that didn't matter.
"Yes," I said with a small nod. "And tonight, she asked me out for a girl's night. So, I won't be here for dinner. I was actually just going upstairs to get ready."
Her eyes lit up immediately. "That's such great news. I'm so happy you're making friends and going out. It'll be good for you."
"Yeah," I said softly. "I know."
"This is good. A new job… friends..." she started, her voice beginning to quiver.
I could see where it was going. So I cut in, stopping her before the tears could fall. "Yes, Mom. And thank you—for everything. I'm so lucky to have a mom like you."
The words felt thick in my throat. I kissed her cheek gently, then turned to Victor and kissed his forehead.
I walked upstairs, feeling the weight of everything I'd been carrying loosen just a little.
I slipped into my room and turned on the music. Not something soft and sentimental—but something loud, alive.
I danced a little as I got ready. Dressed slowly. Picked out a short dress that had been buried in my closet, one I'd never thought I'd wear again. I slipped on a jacket, stepped into high heels that made me taller and bolder, and painted my lips with a confidence I wasn't sure I felt yet.
Then I looked at myself in the mirror. And for a second—I didn't even recognize the girl staring back.
She looked like someone who had dreams again. Who remembered what it felt like to go out at night and enjoyed herself.
Not since college.
Not since Cesar.
I shook my head to push the memories away. Tonight was about forgetting.
I grabbed my bag, pushed open my door, and walked out—ready to meet the night halfway.
I met Leanna at a little, charming restaurant in the heart of the city. It was the kind of place that made you feel like time slowed down for a while.
When I saw her, I couldn't help but stare. She looked stunning.
Not in a flashy, overdone way. She looked older, sure, but in the best way. More polished. More refined. The vibrant energy she used to carry in university had matured into something poised.
She was a woman now. And a beautiful one at that.
We laughed as we hugged, tightly, the kind of hug that carried years in it. Then we pulled apart, looking each other over, both a little amazed by how different—but still familiar—we were.
I asked her curiously, "Why a restaurant? Weren't we going out to party tonight?"
She smirked, flipping her hair as she sat down. "A girl's gotta eat," she said dramatically. "Besides, we need a little catch-up before things get wild."
And so we ate. But we didn't go that deep. Leanna was too excited about her upcoming engagement, and most of our conversation revolved around her fiancé. She went on about him with that dreamy look in her eyes. She talked about their first date, how he proposed, how the ring was custom-made in Paris.
From her tone, her laughter, and the way she described him—it was clear. Her fiancé wasn't just French. He was rich, powerful, and hopelessly in love with her.
Somewhere between dessert and the second glass of wine, she handed me a white-gold embossed invitation. "This Saturday," she said with a wink. "I expect you to show up looking like a goddess."
I smiled, and nodded, but mentally noted: I had to shop. Judging by her diamond earrings alone, this wasn't going to be your average engagement party. I'd have to bring my A-game.
Then, in true Leanna fashion, she turned the spotlight back on me.
"Well," she said slyly, leaning over the table. "Are you seeing anyone?"
I blinked. Caught off guard.
"What?"
"A boyfriend. Anyone? Come on, spill."
I laughed, waving off the question. "No one."
She narrowed her eyes. "No one? Really?"
"Really." I said casually.
She smirked. "I don't believe it. You walk in here looking like that, and you want me to believe you're not making anyone sweat at night?"
"I haven't really been interested," I admitted. "School, life, work... it's been a lot."
She nodded, a little more serious this time. "Yeah, I get it."
And then—of course—her eyes sparkled with mischief again.
"You're not still a virgin, are you?"
My fork froze halfway to my mouth.
I stared at her. She grinned, sipping her wine, waiting for my answer like it was her favourite game.
"I...I am not," I replied, trying to keep my tone neutral.
But Leanna burst out laughing.
"Oh my God, you are still a virgin!" she exclaimed, laughing so hard she had to grip the edge of the table. "I cannot believe it..."
She cackled, head tilted back, drawing a few glances from nearby tables. Her laughter was loud and unfiltered, and for a second, I wondered—is it really that funny?
When she finally came up for air, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye, I looked at her calmly.
"Is it such a bad thing?" I asked genuinely curious.
She froze.
Her expression softened, guilt flickering behind her eyes. "Oh no. No, no, I didn't mean it like that. Oh my God, did I make you feel bad? I'm sorry. I really am. That was awful of me."
She reached for my hand across the table. "It's not a bad thing. It's your choice. I just—God, I can be such an ass sometimes."
I shook my head slightly, unsure of what to say.
"I guess," she continued, trying to fix it, "I'm kind of jealous. Honestly. If I hadn't... you know, and Charles was the first man I'd ever slept with? That would've been magical."
She smiled, a dreamy look taking over. "It would've been amazing, right?"
I didn't answer. I just looked at her.
Because the truth was… I wasn't a virgin. And Caesar—the only man I had slept with, once...he was not the one.
But I didn't say that to Leanna. I didn't want to go there. Not tonight.
Instead, I let her fill the silence.
"I mean, think about it," she said, sitting back in her chair. "You're going to give your virginity to someone really worth it. Someone who actually matters. That's so… rare now."
I coughed, unsure how to respond. A bitter laugh almost escaped, but I swallowed it.
"I'm sure," she said, nodding like she believed it for both of us. "You take your time to know someone. If they're serious, they'll stay. If they're not, they'll walk. And that tells you everything."
Then her gaze narrowed playfully.
"So... are you waiting? Like, saving yourself for marriage?"
I blinked, caught off guard again.
"Are you?" she pressed, leaning in. "Like, not doing it until the wedding night kind of thing?"
At this point, she was four glasses deep into wine. Her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes had that tipsy gleam. Meanwhile, I was still nursing my second glass, swirling it in my hand, half-listening, half-thinking.
Was I saving myself?
The truth was—I didn't know.
I didn't know why I hadn't dated after Caesar. After Victor.
Maybe I never gave myself the chance. Maybe I never felt like I deserved one. Because of the guilt? It was always there.
Guilt for getting pregnant when I should've been chasing a degree.
Guilt for letting my mom down, for not being the girl she believed in.
Guilt for the decisions I made involving Victor—choices that changed all of our lives.
Dating? It felt like a betrayal.
Like moving on from something I hadn't made peace with.
And now, here I was. A graduate. Employed. Breathing. And I still hadn't thought about love.
But Leanna—she was here to introduce that thought.
She watched me closely, her laughter fading into a comfortable silence. There was something kind in her gaze, something I didn't expect. It made me want to tell her a half-truth.