I was on the verge of freaking out — mind spiralling — when Leanna gave me a knowing smile and said,
"You mean Cesar Blackwell? The only star football player at university? Tall, handsome, and rich Cesar? Is that who you mean?"
She finished with a teasing wink.
I just stared at her, caught completely off-guard, as she kept going, her tone light but her eyes sharp.
"You mean Cesar... the man you had a huge crush on?"
I was too quick to defend myself.
"I didn't have a crush on him!"
Leanna gave a deep, dramatic laugh.
"Please. Of course, you had a crush on him. Every female at university had a crush on him. And when I say every female, I mean every female — professors, teachers, janitors, cafeteria ladies — everybody had a crush on that man."
She was staring right into my soul. And suddenly, for a tiny second, I panicked. It felt like she knew.
Like somehow, she knew what happened five years ago. That buried, boxed-up memory that I never, ever let myself touch.
I cleared my throat quickly and looked away, pretending to be distracted by the dance floor, by the noise, by anything.
Finally, I turned back to her, my voice casual.
"Maybe I did. I mean... like you said. He was good-looking. Kind of Handsome...."
"Yeah," Leanna said, drawing the word out, but she was still watching me.
Watching me in a way that made me feel exposed.
Like she saw something I didn't want anyone to see. I took a long sip of my drink to calm myself, then decided to steer the ship back to the topic at hand.
"So," I said, setting my glass down with a soft clink, "back to Sebastian?"
"Yes, yes, back to Sebastian," she said, waving her hand.
There was a pause, and she shrugged a little before adding,
"I wouldn't put them in the same group, honestly. Sebastian is... Sebastian. Cesar is Cesar. But then again," she tilted her head thoughtfully, "I haven't seen Cesar in years. He could have changed. Maybe he's not the same man he was back in college."
She gave another shrug, casual and unbothered like it didn't mean anything at all.
"College is just a place where people pass through... you know, for experiences, to have fun..." she said lightly, lifting her shoulders again in a small, quick movement.
And that's when I caught it. The slight tension in her voice. The way she didn't look at me when she said it.
She wasn't just talking about Cesar. She was talking about herself, too. As if trying to say — just because I slept with a few guys back then doesn't make me a bad person.
And the worst part was, my mind hadn't even gone there.
So, immediately, I leaned forward and said quickly,
"This has nothing to do with you."
Her eyes snapped back to mine.
"I'm not judging you, Leanna. I swear. I just... I just want to know where Sebastian stands. I just need to know if I'm about to deal with another version of Cesar."
She sighed, running a hand through her hair.
"I don't know," she said, voice soft now.
I narrowed my eyes at her, suspicious. Leanna just laughed.
"It's the truth," she said, holding her hands up like she was surrendering.
"The truth is, I'm close with Sebastian — as close as you can be with your husband's friends."
"Future husband," I corrected her automatically.
She laughed even harder.
"Sorry. I'm already wearing the title in my head."
I shook my head at her, but inside, I smiled.
She deserved that happiness — she really did.
"But seriously," she continued, "as much as I can know Charles's friends, that's how much I know Sebastian. From him coming to the house, from seeing him at functions, dinners, random vacations... You know, stuff like that."
She paused, thoughtful.
"Maybe we went on vacation once, and he brought one of the girls he was dating at the time. But it's not like we hung out alone or anything."
She looked at me with a kind of helpless shrug.
"I never really knew Cesar. Not more than you did. Not more than what everybody else knew about him. I don't think I'm capable of telling you who Cesar was... not enough to compare him to Sebastian. Or to say they're the same. That's all I'm saying."
I heard her words, but something bitter was still rising in my chest.
"Yeah," I said sharply, unable to stop myself, "but you slept with him."
It snapped out of me, meaner than I meant, fueled by something I couldn't name — the drink, the memories, maybe just jealousy that I didn't want to admit was there.
Leanna, to her credit, didn't even flinch.
She just laughed, low and humourless.
"Yeah, but sleeping with someone doesn't mean shit," she said simply.
"We slept together for minutes, and then he literally got into his car and left me. Didn't even offer to give me a ride back to the party we were both going..."
She shook her head, laughing again, but there was no humour in it.
"That's how well I knew Cesar. He was a self-centred, egomaniac young man then... I don't know what he is now."
She softened her voice.
"But what I can tell you is what I know now — about Sebastian, about what I've seen. And about Cesar back then. But I'm not the right person to define who Cesar was."
And deep down, I knew she was telling the truth. I just didn't know what to do with all the noise in my head.
Still, as the emotions buzzed inside me, I pushed forward, needing something concrete to hold on to.
"So before Sebastian comes to get us and I'm crying in the sink," I said, trying to joke but half-serious, "tell me — how do I handle this?"
Leanna smiled gently, stood up, grabbed her clutch, and reached her hand out to me. Without thinking, I took it. She pulled me up with her, steady and sure, and together we started walking toward the club's exit, the music fading behind us.
As we stepped into the cool night air, she said simply,
"You handle it by remembering who you are. Not who they are."
I nodded automatically, but the moment caught up with me, and I shook my head.
It was like something cracked open inside me — raw, trembling honesty pouring out.
"I don't think I even know who I am," I said quietly.
The words felt Real. Irrevocable.
Leanna stopped, turning to face me fully. Her expression softened, her hands reaching out to clasp mine tightly.
"Of course, you know who you are," she said, her voice filled with a kind of fierce tenderness. "You're beautiful. You're amazing."
I opened my mouth to protest, but she squeezed my hands tighter.
"I'm serious. Your gorgeous Men notice you. They flirt with you. They want you. You just... you haven't let them have you, and that's not a weakness. That's strength. Can you believe it?"
Her voice dropped to a whisper, glancing around because a few people lingered near the entrance.
She leaned closer, whispering in my ear,
"Can you believe you're still a virgin right now?"
My face flamed red hot. I pulled away, looking around wildly, hoping no one overheard.
Leanna just chuckled under her breath, completely unfazed.
"Right," she said, grinning. "Because you're you. You've stayed true to yourself this long."
Her voice grew softer, almost reverent.
"So go on with that. Keep your standards. Keep your heart straight. If you're the kind of person who needs it to be real — who can't give herself away until she's signed that marriage certificate — then be real with him."
Her words cut through the night air, piercing me in a way nothing else had.
"You'll tell him," she continued. "And he'll either stay... or he'll go. But that's his choice, not yours to worry about."
I looked at her, scepticism bleeding into every part of me. In this world, now? In this city, among men like Sebastian? Who would stay? Who would actually accept that?
Leanna must've seen it written all over my face because she smiled sadly and said,
"And if he can't? So what. Fuck him. You'll find your person."
She gave my hands another squeeze.
"Seriously. Don't change yourself for Sebastian or any man after him. Be you. Live your life. That's where your real strength is."
Just then, headlights swept over us, and a sleek black limousine pulled up at the curb. The back window rolled down, and Sebastian leaned out, flashing a mischievous smile as he waved at us.
I was about to step away when Leanna tugged my hand back one last time. Her eyes locked onto mine.
"Promise me," she said quietly.
"Promise me you'll be yourself."
I swallowed the thick lump in my throat, feeling it lodge painfully in my chest and I nodded.