"Mum! "You have destroyed my future," I cried bitterly. I cursed the day I was born. Tears of sadness rolled down my cheeks as streams of bad thought passed through my little brain.
My mother was still sleeping by the time I was screaming. She woke up, took a cooking stick and made a step towards me.
It was obvious that my body must suffer, inflicted by pain. I jumped out of the bed, tried to rotate the other side to escape being punished by my mother.
Unfortunately, I was still naked, but managed to grab a sheet that I used to partially cover my body.
My mother gave up when she realized that she couldn't catch me. It was a slight relief, but now my voice had been shut completely. Fears took the better part of me. I lacked courage to defend myself.
My voice was silenced completely. I had a moment of reflection, trying to figure out the best way to deal with the situation at hand.
The worry of having lost my virginity kept disturbing my mind. I clicked several times and cursed myself. I wondered if humanity truly existed.
Something came to my mind. I had to seek medical attention.
Having no option, I rushed to a certain corner of the room, hiding there and made a call to my best friend, Evelyn.
The main reason for calling Evelyn was to seek advice on how best I could deal with the problem at hand. Little did I know that Shaz was spying on me. She quickly informed my mother, who responded quickly, ready to confront me. They all accused me of having an intention to leak the information out.
The little time I conversed with Evelyn, she advised me to first seek a medical assistant and later report the matter to the children's department office. But I was forced to hang up the call before we could finish talking.
I took a cup of water and went to the sink to brush my teeth. Then walked to the door after dressing.
I loved fashion and every time I had to leave home, I had to ensure I am dressed to kill. For this case, I was dressed in a red dress with red shoes that matched my dress.
Before I could open the door, my sister ran after me, grabbing me from behind.
What is wrong again? I really wondered for sure what the hell it was.
Still holding me from behind, my sister shouted, informing our mum that I was leaving.
Shaz was very energetic. I struggled to free myself from her but failed. The only weapon I had was my forehead and front teeth.
I tried my best to fight for my freedom. I could not use my teeth against her since she was holding me in a way that made it impossible to utilize it. The only option I had was to hit her with my forehead. But the more I hit her, the more I failed to hurt.
Mum came, closed the door with a lock and ordered my sister to release me.
I was now stranded. I had resorted to finding morning pills that could prevent the possibility of getting pregnant. But as things seemed, my case was under the control of the market.
Time was moving, and the pill only worked within seventy-two hours of intimacy. This made me accept anything that might come as I was losing hope in the possibility of acquiring the pills.
I felt as poor as a church mouse. I walked to the place, a certain corner of the room where my suitcase case was and sat there. Taking a white handkerchief, I spent the better part of my time wiping my tears.
A deep feeling of betrayal and rejection overpowered me. My perception of life became meaningless.
I cried until no tears were left. My heart was heavy and not everyone seemed to be bothered by me. Everyone ignored me.
My father had been away for almost two days. I was quite sure such a thing could not have happened under his watch. I was his favorite and always vowed to protect me. I really missed my father's comfort. My mind switched, concentrating and forming a consistent image of my dad, his image vividly clear in my mind.
My sister, sitting on a nearby coach, began to mock me.
"Why are you crying like a baby? "You are a big girl currently and ought to behave maturely", my sister told me.
I recovered slightly, but her statement made my heart bleed more. I just looked at her and couldn't utter a word. I doubted the reality of all this and had to prick myself to just confirm I was not dreaming.
I imagined having a protruding belly, a form two girls! Obviously, society will judge me badly. But then, what could I do to avoid that shame?
I really imagined how my friends would take it. A careless girl with no future?
"Stop crying and have some meaningful work to do," Shaz added.
Despite my calmness, my sister's mockery made me act otherwise. My fury reached the brim, stood on my little thin leg and rushed to confront her.
I raised my hand to slap her, but it was grabbed in the air. My sister quickly grabbed my hands and handcuffed me. I had started a very dangerous fight. In the spur of a moment, I was sandwiched on the ground. I cried for help, but for sure no one was coming my way.
When I got a slight chance, I grabbed it with my two hands, ran into the bathroom to hide from her. My sister followed me, determined to discipline and 'correct'
"You bitch, I will destroy you in a second" she threatened.
I was in the bathroom, having locked the door from inside. I had to wait till my situation calmed down before I could come out.
In the bathroom, my little body was shivering. It had undergone all kinds of torture.
Finally, I came out, and went direct to my bed. Maybe my bed could give me some comfort.
On the bed, I kept stretching, my abdomen seriously paining. But obviously that could end in a few days.
That evening, my sister was sent to wake me up to go and eat. I had vowed not to eat anything from that particular household. Although I felt hungry, I just had to remain bold and reject any food offer.
An aroma filled our room. My mother had prepared my favorite meal, a Swahili dish comprising pilau and a soft drink. I salivated several times but could not just relent. I had to show them that I was upset.
Finally, my mother came by my bedside, carrying a plate full of pilau and a glass of mango juice.
That was the best feeling, but I had to wait
to be forced. "Wake up and have a meal" My mother insisted.
I was spoon-fed when I insisted on not eating. The food was very delicious and I really enjoyed it. But the problem was speed. My mother was too slow and had to wait, a delay that made me crave more.
"I won't forgive you for what you did to me," I told my mum.
"Forgive who? "Look at the big picture, my daughter, you will appreciate me one of these fine days", my mother said in a soft voice. I wondered why she was too nice to me to that extent. I had not seen her that gentle in all my life.
"You have killed my dream and subjected me to life-long regrets, and if not soon you will be responsible" I bitterly uttered with a heavy heart.
"Are you mad? Mind your language, you young girl! I am your mother remember ", she said.
I had no other option but to remain silent for a while.
"But mum, how will I get pregnant and yet am just sixteen?" I tried to ask her.
My mother assured me that she would find a place for me. I will be sent to stay with my aunt, who stays far away in a distant town.