The Loud's were in Stan's van, everyone was minding their own business, while Stan was angrily honking at traffic. The family was going into town to get groceries. Stan had grumbled earlier about 'free-loaders' and some other things they couldn't understand. Mabel and Dipper were eating some chips, and Mabel soon got an idea. She placed some chips on her ears and giggled.
"Haha! Nacho earrings. I'm hilarious!"
"That's debatable. Aw, come on, what's with all this traffic?" Stan grumbled. "And why is it all… covered wagons? Oh no! No! No! Not today! Not today!" He yelled frantically as he pushed the gas pedal.
Some people were in his way and soon had to back up, and the kids thought they looked to be wearing old period clothing of sorts. And they were all beginning to get worried which was always when Stan was driving. Cause besides their Great Uncle's cataracts, they didn't know if their Grunkle had anything illegal that would end up with the cops being involved. They were glad Lori didn't do that, and they all feared when Leni got her license, not that she would anything that Grunkle Stan would do. But of how bad a driver she was and she was on attempt 10.
"Grunkle Stan, what's going on?" Dipper asked.
"We gotta get outta here. Before it's too late!"
"If you're referring to your future ticket and or jail time. Due to not obeying the laws of the road. Then it's only a matter of time." Lisa said.
The car soon stopped moving because it was trapped between a group of covered wagons.
"They've circled the wagons! We're trapped! Nooooo!" Stan yelled terror and anger.
"Huh, he saves this kind of terror and fear when cops and official looking people come by the shack." Lola said, starting to get nervous like everyone else.
Leia noticed something out the window and saw a cow.
"I've gotta good feeling about today." She cheerfully said.
Lana then looked as well and she lit up when she also saw the cow.
"Aw sweet! Who wants' fresh milk?" She said as she rubbed her hands.
Everyone soon got out of the car and they all walked around down the street. They were all surprised to see everyone in clothing from Pioneer times, and the whole town seemed to be transformed into something like an old western town.
"Did we travel back in time?" Leni asked, as she admired all the dresses the women were wearing.
"No, time travel is still theoretical at best. It's the day in which this town was founded, and everyone is getting into the spirits of today's festivities." Lisa explained.
"How did you know that?" Lincoln asked.
"I've looked into the history of this town, part of my studies." She said.
"Pioneer Day. Every year these yahoos dress up like idiots to celebrate the day Gravity Falls was founded." Stan grumbled.
Lynn shrugged and said," I don't see the problem. My teams do stuff like this all the time. The Lions dress in their old uniforms sometimes."
Toby comes up to the group wearing old fashioned clothes and holding papers and said," Welcome to 1863!"
"I thought it was 2016?" Leni said and everyone groaned.
Stan rolled up his sleeve, held his fist at Toby and threatened," I will break you, little man!"
Toby screamed and ran away, only to crash into a barrel. He then got up and ran away.
The kids looked around to see people were doing various activities that would've been done during the 1800's. From candle dipping, and Gold Panning.
"Wow, gold panning. But it doesn't beat having a Lepricorn as a friend who has gold." Lola said.
"Have you've been eating a large amount of sprinkles with Mabel?" Stan asked with a raised eyebrow.
Lola scoffed and said, "No! I know my limits, unlike how Leia eats her sweets."
"Not to mention that's why she wears braces." Lori grumbled.
Mabel waved them off and said," I haven't eaten that much lately. I haven't gotten into a sugar induced hallucinations for some time now."
They then all see someone getting married to a woodpecker.
"And I thought this town couldn't get any weirder." Lola said.
Dipper took out Journal 3 and said," I remember reading about this. In Gravity Falls, it used to be legal to marry woodpeckers."
"Does it say anything about marrying Vampires?" Lucy appeared and Dipper jumped in fright.
"Oh, it's legal. Very legal. But no on the Vampires." The man said and Lucy sadly sighed.
"Come one and all, for the opening ceremonies!" An announcer speaks.
"Sweet, opening ceremonies rock! Even if they're not spots related." Lynn enthusiastically said.
"You got that right sis." Luna agreed.
"Grunkle Stan, you coming?" Mabel asked.
"No, thank you! Just remember if you come back to the Shack talking like these people, you're dead to me."
"There's a carpetbagger in the turnip cellar!" Lucas said.
"Shoot! Someone poison'd the water hole." Lincoln said.
"Well hornswabber my haversack!" Leia said.
"Well ah must say, that this one fun hootenanny! Luna, play us something on your little ol' guitar!" Lori said in a southern accent.
"Ye-haw! Here's a song from the days on the wagon." Luna said, as she played an old tune.
The siblings spit on the ground and run off while laughing and Luna playing some music.
"Dead to me!" Stan yelled.
Everyone assembles around a large stage. Sheriff Blubs was at the microphone, while behind him, was Pacifica and two adults who had to be her parents.
"Here-ye, here-ye! Ye olde commencement ceremony is about to commence." Blubs said.
"Woo! I got a bell!" Durland said as he got onstage and he enthusiastically rung a bell.
In the crowd, a thief snatched an old woman's purse and took off. The woman gasped and said," Oh no! Police, my purse!"
Durland and Blubs looked on, but Durland proceeded to ring his bell again. As if nothing illegal had just occurred at that moment.
"He sure loves his bell. Who wants to say a couple of jokes before we start this?" Blubs asked.
Luan's face lit up and shoved her way through the crowd. She ran up the steps and got to the microphone.
"I have some jokes to say! Howdy! Now, who's the actor that was a great showman?"
"We don't know!" Someone yelled.
"It was Abra-ham Lincoln! Ha, ha! Get it?" She said and a couple did laugh.
Leia giggled, and said to her brother," You're such a ham bro-bro." Lincoln rolled his eyes good naturally at his sister's teasing.
"Okay. Why did the Butter-churn say to the stick of butter that was sick? You're churning green!"
Everyone then laughs, including her siblings.
Blubs chuckled and said," Thanks for that kid. Now, for the one to start the opening ceremonies. Is the descendent of our town's founder, Pacifica Northwest."
Everyone clapped as Pacifica walked to the microphone and tapped it.
"Howdy, everyone! You all know me, Pacifica Northwest, great-great granddaughter of town-founder, Nathaniel Northwest. I'm also very rich."
The crowd applaud, including the Loud family, although a little reluctant, except for Mabel.
Pacifica slightly glared at them, returned to smiling and said, "Now if you've got the pioneer spirit, we ask you to come on up and introduce yourself."
Leia gasped and said," Audience participation!"
"I don't think that's a good idea sis. Isn't she kinda like your and Lola's arch-enemy?" Lincoln said.
Lola shrugged and said," Please, she isn't worth my time. She's all yours." Lola said the last part to Mabel.
"Thanks sis, but that's water under the bridge Linc. Also, Leni always says to forgive and forget." She said with a laugh and ran onstage.
Leni gasped and said," She's right! I do say that."
"Our first newcomer is… Mabel." Pacifica said with an angry look.
Mabel ignored or didn't notice the look Pacifica was giving her and said," Yeah! Let's get this Pioneer Day started! Right guys! USA! USA!"
Everyone, including a man dressed in pro-American attire and crying a little chanted USA with her.
Pacifica walked up to her and said," I'm sorry to break it to you, but Pioneer Day is for serious people, and you look and act ridiculous. I mean, a puppy playing basketball? Are you always this silly?"
There was an audible gasp in the crowd and also something that sounded like growling. It didn't take a genius to know who made it.
Mabel blinked and then glared at Pacifica and said," Hey, I can be serious!"
Pacifica smirked and said," You do have nachos hanging from your ears, hon."
Mabel became self conscious as she touched her earrings and blushed embarrassingly.
Pacifica laughed and said," Wow, I'm embarrassed for you. Give her a hand everybody!"
The crowd did so, except for the Loud's, who either looked worried or angry. But it soon became worried, due to Mabel walking off stage.
Dipper was the first to reach his twin and asked," Hey, are you okay?"
"I need some old-timey butterscotch." Mabel sadly said.
Later, everyone was standing or sitting near a large statue of Nathaniel Northwest. Leia had a said expression, while eating butterscotch. Everyone else was trying to cheer her up.
"C'mon sis, your not gonna let some Blonde haired spoiled brat, get to you?" Luna said.
"Yeah, if you deal with Lola on a daily basis, you can deal with Pacifica." Lana joked.
Lola narrowed her eyes at her twin and said," You're lucky we're trying to help Leia. Or else you would pay for that comment."
Mabel looked up and said," Do you guys think I'm silly?"
Everyone looked away and tried to come up with answer. It was true that she was, and they didn't have a problem with it. It was a part of who their sister was. But they knew Mabel didn't want to hear it at the moment.
"Uh, nnooo?" Dipper managed to say.
Mabel had a defeated look and said," I knew it! The nacho earrings, the sweaters, and the puns. I thought I was being charming, but I guess people see me as a big joke."
She throws off her nacho earrings, took off her sweater, and tied it around her waist.
Luan placed a hand on her sister's shoulder and said," C'mon Mabel, you can't let her words get to you. Heck, remember when I wanted to give up comedy because of what you guys said? I bounced back after Lincoln faked bombing my jokes on stage. You're in the same situation. All you need to do is be yourself."
No one noticed Lincoln looking both nervous and embarrassed. Due to the fact that he did bomb Luan's jokes for real, and not pretended to.
"Same for Clyde and I when tried to be more grown up. But realized there was nothing wrong with what we liked." Lincoln said.
"Luan and Lincoln are right; it's literally a part of who you are. There's nothing bad about it." Lori said.
"I say we show that Pacifica what happens when you bring one of us down." Lynn said as she cracked her knuckles.
Mabel ignored them, even though she was grateful for the support, she still felt bad.
"Hey guys, go ahead and have some fun, I'll help her out and call if I need your help." Dipper said.
"Yeah same." Lincoln said.
"You sure?" Luan asked.
"Yeah, we'll catch up with you guys soon." Dipper said.
Everyone reluctantly walked away, but Lori stayed for a moment.
"Hey sis, here's literally an old proverb Tadashi told me that his grandmother told him. 'The water flows'. That means to forgive and forget, and let things go. What Pacifica said about you, and what you said about her, just forget it and let it go. Think about it, K?" She said and left.
That left the twins and Lincoln sitting at the statue. The words Lori said helped, but it didn't really brighten their mood though. Dipper and Lincoln looked up at the statue with identical scowls.
Lincoln huffed and said," All this because Pacifica thinks she's all that because her family founded this town. Man, and I thought Chandler was a jerk."
Lucas nodded and said," Someone needs to take her down a peg. (Gasps) Wait a minute! I feel like I read something about Pacifica's great-great grandfather before," He then took out and opens Journal 3," Of course! Oh, this is perfect," Uses a deep voice," In my investigations… (Normal voice)… Should- should I do the voice?"
"Nuh uh." Mabel mumbled with a look.
"Definitely not." Lincoln said with a wince.
"I'll just read… normal. In my investigations I recently made a discovery. Nathaniel Northwest may not be the true founder of Gravity Falls! I believe this secret is buried somewhere on the enclosed document. If only I could crack the code."
Dipper opened the document and found a series of complex letters, symbols and words.
"Whoa, looks like we found a cover-up." Lincoln said, which also made him remember how him, Clyde and Dipper went on to find out Lincoln's true birth story.
"Oh, man! If that's true, it means Pacifica's whole family is a fraud. This could be a major conspiracy!" Lucas exclaimed.
Mabel had a look of realization and said, "Really?"
"I got to investigate this!" Dipper determinedly said and then looked at Lincoln. "You up for this Linc?"
Lincoln nodded and said," Do you even have to ask?"
"Wait! I'm coming with you two. Conspiracies are serious right?"
"Oh yeah, definitely."
"Can I join?" A voice said.
The three of them turned to see who the voice was. It belonged to a familiar 11 year old Spanish American girl.
"Ronnie Anne?" The three of them said.
"What are you doing here, Ronnie?" Lincoln asked.
"I wanted to see how you were doing after that blonde Harpy trash talked you. But after hearing what you guys just said, do you mind if I join?"
Lincoln nodded and then looked at his brother. Dipper nodded and said," I don't see why not. What can you do to help?"
Ronnie smirked and said," Well, considering Lynn isn't here I can be the muscle," She then cracks her knuckles," And I speak Spanish, just in case you need to translate anything in Spanish."
Mabel grinned and said," You're hired! And after all this, nobody could call me silly again!"
"Yeah! Mystery Crew." Dipper said.
"I thought you hated that?"
"I'm starting to accept it."
"Sounds lame, but heck, I'm for it." Ronnie Anne said.
The four of them high fived and ran off. What they didn't know was that a couple of familiar cops were eavesdropping on them.
Lola and Leni were walking around the town admiring everything. Leni had picked out and customized some old dresses and they were wearing them.
"I gotta say, I'm more of a gown person but these are actually ok." Lola said.
Leni beamed and said," Thanks sis! I just wanted to do some old stuff before we go back to the future."
Lola stopped and gave her a raised eyebrow and a 'are you serious look' and said," Leni, we're still in 2016, we're not in the past."
"Oh."
Lola furrowed her brows in annoyance and was about to say something, but something caught her eye.
"Grunkle Stan?" She said in confusion.
Stan was in stocks and had tomatoes on his face. He had a look of annoyance and anger. But he saw his grandnieces and brightened up a little.
"Lola, Leni! Help me get out of this!"
Lola and Leni looked at each other, wondering what their Great Uncle did to warrant that punishment. But knowing him, it could be a number of things. Leni felt bad and was about to help him but Lola stopped her.
She walked up to Grunkle Stan and said," Oh we will, if you let get that Doll House I asked about when we went to the store the other day."
Stan snorted and said," Yeah right. Back in my day, when you wanted something, you had to earn it yourself... or steal it. So no."
Lola shrugged and saw a tomato that was conveniently on the ground. Normally she would never touch something like that, especially if it was on the ground. But she could make an exception.
She smiled deviously, picked it up and threw it at him. Stan spluttered and glared at Lola. She then wiped her hands off and walked away with Leni following her.
"Uh, Lola, shouldn't we help him?"
Lola shrugged and said in an uninterested voice," Meh, not our problem. Besides, he's probably like that for a reason."
"KIDS!" Stan yelled in anger.
Leni wanted to help, but her Grunkle was probably there for a good reason.
"Don't worry Grunkle Stan, it'll be alright. Besides, a timeout for whatever you did is good for you."
Stan grumbled some not nice words under his breath. Wondering again how he came into this situation in the first place.
Back the four conspiracy hunters, they were at the library trying to figure out the document. They had set up their investigation at a secluded table, so no one would bother them.
"Alright, guys, if we can prove Nathaniel Northwest wasn't the real founder of Gravity Falls, it will finally put Pacifica in her place." Lucas said.
"And solving the mystery will prove that I'm not silly. I'm serious. Seeeriouss…"
Mabel had determined look while reading a book but then laps up the candy on the table into her mouth with her tongue. Ronnie Anne had a raised eyebrow and was about to say something but shrugged it off.
Lincoln rubbed his chin as he looked at the paper, and said," Man, this is tough. Reminds me of a couple of escape rooms we've been to."
Lucas placed some slides into a projector and said," We need to crack this code. Let me see… It's not any old South American languages on record, sorry Ronnie Anne."
"Meh, it was worth a shot."
"And it's not Egyptian, not numerology, it's not, wait... of course! The triangle is the alchemist symbol for flame. Lighting the parchment on fire will reveal the secret message!"
Lincoln thought otherwise by saying," You sure that's a good idea? It's old, so it might catch fire easily. Maybe it's like what happened in the American Treasure movie. Rub lemon on it and use something that doesn't require fire to heat it up. Then we'll see if there are any invisible words."
"Yeah, I think we should go with Lincoln's idea." Ronnie Anne agreed.
Dipper nodded, seeing their point, and the fact he was a fan of that movie, just like Lincoln was.
"Alright let's go find some lemons and - Mabel!"
While they were talking, Leia had taken the document, made a hat out of it. And she was now wearing it. "Mwop! I just made a hat." Mabel then realized what she has done, groaned and said. "Ugh, I just did something silly again." She said and blew a raspberry.
"No it's not… it's artistic." Ronnie tried to encourage but Mabel didn't listen.
Dipper looked closer and said," Wait, Mabel. You folded it into a map! And I had the idea to burn it…"
The kids then heard a familiar voice and looked at the entrance. Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland were at the entrance, talking to the front desk.
"We're on the lookout for four kids who might be reading." Blubs said to a librarian.
"We're hunting them down for secret reasons! WOO!" Durland said as he rung his bell.
The four of them hid under the table. Luckily, Blubs and Durland didn't see them and they walked off to find them. Durland then knocked over a row of books off the shelf.
"Maybe we should take this elsewhere." Lucas suggested.
Once the four of them made it outside, they looked at the map. Dipper rubbed his chin and said," Should've brought a map of the town."
Lincoln took out his phone and said," Hang on, I took a picture of hanging picture of the map of the town."
The group looked at the picture, and compared it to the map they had.
Ronnie Anne hummed and said," Okay, so the map said it's somewhere North. And from the looks of it, it's this building right here.
"Alright, let's go." Dipper said.
As the four of them went to the destination, they got to talking.
"So, wonder what else we'll find, besides the truth about Nathanial Northwest?" Lincoln asked.
Ronnie Anne chuckled and said," Hopefully not coupons for a taco place. Abuelo, Tio Carlos, Carl and CJ thought they found a map to Pancho Villa's treasure. And they spent all day looking around the city, where they ended up at the zoo. They had to fight our neighbors after Abuelo accidently sent a group text about it. But all they found were coupons for Pancho Villa's Tacos."
"Oh boy, maybe we'll find a recipe for old explorer food." Mabel said.
Once they followed the map, their search led them to the building.
"So the next clue is in The Gravity Falls Museum of History." Mabel said.
"Huh, kinda like American Treasure." Lincoln said.
"You guys realize what this means?" He looks up and squints with determined look and said," We're going to have to break. In."
"Dang'it. If only I had my tux, I couldn't done it David Steele style." Lincoln lamented.
The four of them were soon inside, and a museum employee was giving them passes and balloons.
"And those are your free Pioneer Day passes, and your balloons, two blue and two pinks. I hope you enjoy your visit." The worker said.
The four of them walked away, with Ronnie Anne nudging Dipper's shoulder.
"That's one way to break in, huh Dip?"
"Heh, got caught up in the moment."
"What are we gonna do next, steal Thomas Jefferson's Rib Cage and have Lisa analyze it for clues? Just like in the show 'Skeleton's'? Or better yet, steal a mummy and then open it up for clues?" Leia asked.
Dipper, Lincoln and Ronnie Anne gave her weirded out and disturbed looks at her.
"What is wrong with you?" Ronnie Anne asked.
Lincoln gave his sister a raised eyebrow and asked," Have you been hanging out with Lucy?"
"Ewww, no. According to the map, the next clue about the real town founder should be right… here!" Dipper said.
He points at a triangular stone piece mounted on the wall.
"We've gotta figure out this one out quick, I have a feeling those cops weren't at the library to check out books…"
"I don't think the one with the bell can read…" Mabel said.
"Yeah, Leni is definitely smarter than him." Lincoln agreed.
The four of them started to analyze it. Mabel gets bored and walked over to the bench and sat down.
"Hey painting, be less stupid," Mabel said as she turned upside down and gasped.
"It worked!"
"Huh?" Dipper said.
The three of them went over to the bench and did the same thing.
"Huh, it was upside down." Ronnie said.
"It's not abstract, it's upside-down!" Dipper said.
Ronnie gave him an annoyed look and said," That's what I said Dorker." She said and Dipper ignored her.
"Wait, I remember Lucy describing a statue she saw at the cemetery that looks like that." Lincoln said.
Mabel agreed by saying, "Yeah your right. I once helped Lucy put flowers there. It is the same one from the cemetery."
"Well what are we waiting for? C'mon, vamonos, amigo's!" Ronnie said a little excited.
"That's a saying from 'Dora the Adventurer'!" Mabel said in awe.
Ronnie Anne chuckled and said," Sorry got excited. Carlitos loves watching it."
"Let's go! Quick!"
All four of them got off the bench and stood up, but they got dizzy and held their hands for a second and then ran off.
Blubs and Durland were at the entrance of the museum and the same employee from before where giving them their stuff.
"I'm sorry, but we're all out of pink balloons." She apologized.
Durland face fell and said disappointingly," Why did we even come?"
"Officer Blubs?" The Dispatcher said through Blubs Walkie-talkie.
Both cops went out of earshot with Blubs saying," Blubs here."
"Have the targets been apprehended?"
"Negative, but we're close. I promise, those kids'll never get past us."
Contrary to what he said, the kids ran past them and the cops gave chase. Ronnie was the last one out and got the idea to close one of the doors and ran again after she did. Both cops get stuck at the door.
"Ha! See ya lame-o's!" Ronnie taunted.
Back with Stan he was struggling to get of the stocks. He somehow found a hairpin and was trying to unlock the lock with it by using his mouth.
"C'mon, c'mon, ugh!" Stan cursed and accidentally dropped the pin.
Pacifica was nearby and picked up and said," Well, if it isn't Mabel's uncle, Mr. Pines, Looking for this?" She said as she held up the pin.
"Yeah, yeah. What d'ya want, money?" Stan scowled.
"I want you to say that the Northwest family I the best family in Gravity Falls." She said.
"Oh sure, you want that in writing?" He sarcastically said.
Pacifica gave him a pen and held out a note book. Stan used his mouth to move the pen so he could write something. Once he was finished, Pacifica looked at the note and instead of what she wanted him to write. The note read 'YOU STINK!'
"Ha! I did that with my mouth!" Stan triumphantly said.
Pacifica glared at him, and then whistled at some people who were near a tomatoes stand. She pointed at Stan and they walked over to them, while holding the tomatoes menacingly.
"Aw, come on!" Stan yelled.
Meanwhile with the others, they had gotten to the cemetery and had found the statue.
"Man, if only Lucy was here. She's here all the time, so she could probably help us." Lincoln said and then flinched.
Ronnie Anne gave her a friend a confused look and said," What was that?"
"Lucy always appears when you least expect it. I just thought something would happen." Lincoln explained.
"If only, but from the looks of it, the statue is pointing in a direction. Maybe it's pointing to the next clue?" Lucas said.
The three of them started to looked around. All the while Leia was standing near the statue. She was sticking her nose onto the finger of the statue.
"Oh gross! She's picking my nose! Luan would love this, haha! Ach!"
The tip of the finger bent upward, which caused a secret door to open in the grave.
"Holy shmoly! Look what you found sis." Lincoln exclaimed.
"Ha! Who's silly now, Pacifica? Bam!" Mabel said, and she got down, after removing herself from the statue.
The four of them went down into the entrance.
"Now we're getting into real conspiracy mode. I feel serious. Mmm." Mabel said and ate some candy.
"After watching enough movies like this, there are always certain things you need to look out for. Like booby traps." Ronnie Anne said.
Lincoln nodded and said," Yep like in Indian Johnson, The Goon docks and American Treasure."
Ronnie Anne gave Lincoln a teasing look and said," You sure do like those movies? Huh Lame-o?"
"Ha, booby traps. Luan can come up with a couple of jokes for that." Leia chuckled.
She then stepped on a tile and it activated a trap. A dart came out of the wall, and impacted near her. The set off more darts to start firing out of the wall.
"Tranquilizer darts!" Dipper yelled and grabbed his twin's hand, while Lincoln grabbed Ronnie Anne's hand and they ran and dodged.
All four of them soon accidently tripped on a rock and fell down through the tunnel. It didn't last long, due to them sliding into a room of sorts. Once they got up, Dipper shown his flashlight around and they gasped at what they found.
"It's a treasure trove of historic-y, secret-y things." Mabel said.
She picked up one of the file. It was a picture of Benjamin Franklin, who was wearing earrings and a sub-caption said that he was actually a woman.
"Oh man, Ben Franklin was secretly a woman!"
"Huh, who knew?" Ronnie said.
"Wow, didn't expect this." Lincoln said, as he found a side-by-side photo of Abraham Lincoln. One showed him with his famous hat and the other without. The photo without his hat showed he had an extra arm with a hand on it. it certainly made him how he viewed that particular President. Due to the fact that his dad named him after him. "Man, we stumbled upon the mother load of secrets."
Dipper found a document titled 'Northwest Cover-up'," Hey, jackpot! Now we'll find out who the real town founder was." He reads the document," Let it be here recorded that Nathaniel Northwest, fabled founder of Gravity Falls, was, in fact, a fraud… as well as a waste-shoveling village idiot? Ha! Bad news for Pacifica. Wait'll the papers hear about this!"
Lincoln chuckled as well and said," I can't wait to see the look on her face." He then looked at the document. "It says here the true founder of Gravity Falls is someone by the name of Sir Lord Quentin Trembley III ESQ."
"Once, people see I uncovered a historical conspiracy, they can never call me silly!" Mabel excitedly said.
"Yeah, take that Pacifica. She was wrong in saying I was just a good for nothing tomboy loser." Ronne Anne cheered.
Lincoln and the twins looked at her shocked.
"What?" Lucas said.
'Uh… nothing, continue reading." Ronnie Anne said with a nervous chuckle.
Lincoln raised a brow and said," No nothing, what did you mean by that Ronnie?"
Ronnie Anne glared at her friend and said," It's nothing Lincoln, drop it. We have more important things to worry about. Like who this Quentin Trembley guy is."
Before Lincoln could press more, a voice spoke up.
"That's none of your business!"
The kids turned around and gasped to see Blubs and Durland.
Durland cheered as he ran his bell and said, "Whoo! We gotcha! Whoo!... Whoo! Hmm whoo-ooo-"
Durland passed out and fell to the floor, and was revealed to have several Tranquilizing darts sticking out of his back and head.
"He got hit with quite a few of those darts." Blubs said.
Durland got up a minute later, but he still looked a little out of it.
"Quentin Trembley is a matter of National Security." Blubs said as he took the document from Dipper."
"Yeah! Ye—ah… (Puts hands on his knees)… woo. I think I might be colorblind now." Durland said.
"What do you mean, 'National Security'?" Lucas asked.
"And who is Quentin Trembley, anyway?" Leia asked.
"Yeah start talking." Ronnie Anne said with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah spill." Lincoln said.
"See for yourself."
Blubs took off his hat and got a reel of film. He puts it into a projector and the screen showed a countdown in black and white.
"Aww, it's black and white." Mabel said disappointed.
"Shh! Mabel!"
A Government Official was on the video and said, "If you're watching this, then you are one of the eight people in these United States with clearance to view this information. In fact, I myself will be shot as soon as the filming is complete. What? No? Ho! Well, that's a relief! Of all of America's secrets, the most embarrassing was that of Quentin Trembley. The eighth-and-a-half President of the United States."
"President?" The four kids said.
"Eighth-and-a-half?" The girls said.
"After winning the 1837 election in a landslide. (On the video, a picture of Quentin Trembley and other Presidential candidates. A literal landslide kills all the candidates, minus Trembley.) Quentin Trembley quickly gained a reputation as America's silliest president. He waged war on pancakes, appointed six babies to the Supreme Court, and issued the de-pants-ipation proclamation (It showed Quentin banning wearing pants). His State of the Union speech was even worse."
"The only thing we have to fear is gigantic, man-eating spiders!" A reenacted recording of Trembley said.
Lincoln blinked, processing that particular tidbit, "Huh imagine telling that to Leni. She'll head for the hills."
"Heh, yeah." Leia agreed.
"He was kicked out of office and escaped to an uncharted valley he named Gravity Falls, after plummeting into it at high speed. Trembley's shameful term was erased from history and officially replaced by William Henry Harrison as President, and local nobody, Nathaniel Northwest, as founder of Gravity Falls. The whereabouts of President Trembley's body is unknown." The Official finished and the documentary ended.
"Until now." Blubs said.
He shined his flashlight at Trembley himself, who was encased in an amber-colored rectangle.
"Whoa! Is that, like, amber or something?" Dipper asked.
"How did we miss that?" Lincoln asked with a scratch of his head.
"The fool thought he could live forever by encasing himself in a block of solid peanut brittle. Smooth move, Mr. President! Finding Trembley's body was our special mission. And now, thanks to you, it's complete." Blubs said.
"Who knew all we had to do was follow a little girl's trail of candy wrappers?" Durland said and held one of Mabel's candy wrappers.
"Ugh, silly!" Leia face palmed.
"It's not exactly silly... but it was dumb, sorry." Ronnie Anne explained.
"Now that you know the truth, well, we can't let you go around talkin' about it."
Ronnie had a bad feeling and said, "Hold up, does that mean-?"
"Are you going to kill us?!" Mabel said horrified.
"OH NO!" Durland cried.
"No, no!... Calm down now buddy, calm down. We're just gonna escort you and all this stuff back to Washington. You ain't comin' back, by the way." Blubs explained.
The three siblings looked at each other in fear. Except for Ronnie Anne, who narrowed her eyes.
"Not going to happen. C'mon guys, there are four of us and two of them. We can take them."
The other nodded and they approached the cops, who looked worried. Unfortunately, Mabel stepped on another tile. There was a couple of whooshing sounds, and the kids fell down face first, and there was a couple of darts in their backs.
Durland sighed in relief and said," Oh boy, glad that wasn't me that time."
Later, the kids woke up to find themselves in crate that held Trembley's body. They were wondered they were, but didn't have to wonder for long. Due to Blubs leaving them a message saying they were on train that was heading to DC. After they found that out, they started to bang on the sides of the crate, hoping to get out. They even tried to yell, but no one seemed to hear them.
Lincoln groaned, due to trying to his phone and said," Dang'it, I got no reception. I can't call the others. Can you guys?"
"Nope." Dipper said and Mabel shook her head as well.
"Yeah same, I can't reach Bobby or Soos." Ronnie Anne said with a huff.
"Well, we're stuck for now. Which would give us plenty of time of what you said back in the cave, Ronnie." Lincoln said.
Ronnie Anne looked at Dipper and Mabel, who were giving her looks that conveyed 'we're waiting'. She groaned and said," Fine, before I went to see you guys. I confronted Pacifica about what she said to you Mabel. She laughed at me said that 'I was just a good for nothing tomboy loser. And I look like one as well.' Ugh, normally something like that doesn't get to me. But for some reason, it did this time. And when I overheard you guys talking about finding out the truth about Pacifica's family. I thought I can tag along and help you guys."
Lincoln went over to his friend and hugged her. While Dipper and Mabel gave her sympathetic looks.
"I'm sorry you had to deal with that Ronnie Anne. You know you shouldn't let Pacifica get to you. She's-"
"A silver spooned spoiled brat. Yeah, I shouldn't have let it get to me. Also uh… can you let me go, Linc?" Ronnie Anne asked, hoping no one saw the small blush on her face.
"Oh, sorry." Lincoln said as he let go, and hoped no one saw the small blush on his face.
"Lincoln's right, Ronnie. You shouldn't let what Pacifica said get to you. You're your own person and there's… that's what you guys were telling earlier, right?" Mabel said in realization.
"Pretty much." Her brother said.
Mabel groaned and said," But still, I can't believe I left a trail of candy wrappers. This is all my fault. Pacifica had me pegged all along. I'm just a silly failure, like that embarrassing president what's-his-name." She said as she sat down, tore a chunk off the peanut brittle and ate it.
Lincoln looked grossed out and said," Uh sis, you do know that stuff is 179 years old right?"
"Yeah, I don't think even Lana would want to try that." Dipper said, with the same look.
Before Leia could respond, the peanut brittle started to shake and crack. The kids moved back and were shocked to see the peanut tomb break apart.
They were even more shocked once Trembley blinked and said," it is I! Quentin Trembley!" He said and proceeded to rip his pants off, and he was now in his underwear.
Ronnie Anne looked away in disgust and said," Ah, dude! Show some decency!"
"You're alive! But how?" Dipper asked in shock and confusion.
"Peanut Brittle really does have life-sustaining properties! And Lisa thought I was crazy. You're not silly, you're brilliant!" Mabel said impressed.
"And so are you, dear girl, for following my clues and freeing me from my delicious tomb!" Trembley congratulated.
Lincoln realized something and said," Hang on. It all makes sense now. Mabel, all the stuff you did to get us to this point was considered silly. From making paper hats, hanging upside down. Heck, the cops and Lisa, who are serious, wouldn't have been able to figure this out in a hundred years! I mean, look at Dipper and me, we're serious when finding out a mystery or conspiracy and we had trouble."
"He's right, sis." Dipper said and Ronnie Anne nodded.
Mabel blushed from the compliments and said," Oh, stop it."
Trembley then realized where he was and said," By Jefferson! We seem to be trapped in some sort of crate-shaped box."
"It's a crate, Mr. President." Mabel informed.
Trembley pulled out a key and said," Good thing I have the President's Key, which can open any lock in America!" He then proceeded to repeatedly slam the key into the side of the crate, but nothing happened.
Ronnie Anne leaned over to Lincoln and whispered," Yeah, Leni is definitely smarter than him. Or maybe they're the same?" Lincoln shrugged, not sure himself.
"I… don't think that's gonna work." Dipper said.
"Wood! My age old enemy. In order to get out of here, this is going to take the silliest plan ever conceived." Trembley said.
Lincoln smirked and pointed at his sister and said," I believe we have the right person who can help with that."
"Hmm, how 'bout… that hole?" Mabel said and pointed at a hole in the corner.
"We will leap through it!" Trembley said.
The two of them proceeded to try and jump through it. Nothing happened, and the non three silly people in the box continued to watch.
'Lisa would've definitely lost her mind, due to how silly this has gotten.' Lincoln thought.
A moment later, the sound of something hitting the box from the outside was heard. And a second later, the box fell apart.
"Well, we didn't fit through the hole. Let's rebuild the box and try again!" Trembley said.
"Actually, we need to get out of here." Dipper said.
"Also good!"
"Should we be concerned once he sees how modern everything is?" Ronnie Anne asked.
Lincoln shrugged and said," We'll cross that bridge once we get there."
"Ah yes, bridge crossing. One must always watch out for bridge trolls. They'll rob you blind. That's how I lost the funds and legal documents that were necessary to stop the Panic of 1837." Trembley said.
Dipper owned the door that led to another car, Durland happened to be getting ice. Durland saw them and dropped the bucket.
"Blubs!" He called and Blubs got of his room and saw them.
The group ran away back into the car. They then climbed up a ladder that led to an emergency exit. Trembley tried to use his key again, but Dipper stopped him and opened the hatch. The group ran on the roof, with Blubs and Durland in hot pursuit. But they soon stopped once they made it to the last car.
"C'mon, you guys don't really want to lock us up in a government facility somewhere? Right?" Lincoln asked.
"I've got no choice! Our orders come from the very top!" Blubs said.
Both Dipper and Lincoln thought about it for a moment and then realized something.
"Wait! Quentin, did you ever sign an official resignation?" Lucas asked.
"No, sir. I ate a salamander and jumped out the window." Quentin said.
"So that means that you're technically still the President of the United States. And that also means you guys have to listen and answer to him!" Lincoln said.
"Huh?" Blubs and Durland said in confusion.
"As President of these several United States, I hereby order you to pretend none of this ever happened. And- and go on a delightful vacation." He said and then proceeded to get from behind by metal rail.
"Vacation?" Blubs said excitedly and looked at Durland. "What place have you always wanted to visit? One two-"
"Silly Water Fun Slides in Grand Lakes, Michigan!" Both cops said at once.
Later, the kids and Trembley were outside the train. While Blubs and Durland were in the train and were wearing Hawaiian shirts. They waved goodbye as the train took off.
Once the train was gone, Trembley got on his knee, looked at Mabel and said," You've done a great service to your country, Mabel. As thanks, I'd like to make you an official U.S Congressman." He then unfolds a black top hat and hand it to her.
Mabel puts the hat on and said," I'm legalizing, everything!"
"Miss Ronald. I hereby give you my lucky rabbit."
Ronnie Anne raised a brow, ignoring how he said her name wrong and said," Don't you mean lucky rabbits foot?"
"Oh no, my lucky rabbit." Trembley said as he pulled out an actual rabbit from his coat and gave it to her.
Ronnie Anne blinked and said," Huh, okay then."
"And Roderick and Linus."
"Uh- actually those aren't-"
"You dear boys are on your way to unlocking the mysteries of this great land. So I'd like you both to have the President's Key and the backup President's Key!" He said and gave the keys to the boys.
Later, the group was walking back into the town with Trembley telling them a story.
"And then he chased me around and spanked me with a paddle for, like, three hours. Bottom line, George Washington was a jerk."
"A-greed!" Leia said.
They soon found Pacifica and Mabel approached her.
"Hey, Pacifica! I uncovered a Government Conspiracy about the eighth-and-a-half President of the United States! Who's silly now?"
"What? Who is that idiot?"
Trembley was chasing a Bald Eagle and was trying to fight it.
"Put up your dukes, you bald fiend!"
"The eighth-and-a-half President of America. How is he still alive? Well, turns out you can hibernate in Peanut Brittle and it-"
Pacifica burst into laughter and said," Wow! You really are a sad, dumb little girl. Nice top hat, by the way." She mocked and her parents, who were nearby laughed as well.
"Ooh! I see your car is stuck in the mud. Hope you and your family enjoy walking home!" She said as she got into her family's car.
"Aren't you gonna tell her?" Ronnie Annie asked.
"You know what, guys? I've got nothing to prove. I've learned that being silly is awesome! Also, that whimsical saying Lori told me earlier is also true. Gotta let things go!" Mabel said cheerfully, as she put her sweater back on.
Ronnie Anne looked at her friend and his brother and asked," You guys learned anything? I sure haven't."
"Nope nothing, Dipper said.
"Me neither." Lincoln said.
The three of them ran over to the Northwest's car and it stopped.
Dipper handed the evidence to Pacifica through the opened window and said," Guess what, Pacifica, your family is a fraud."
"Turns out your family wasn't the ones who founded Gravity Falls." Lincoln said.
"So suck it, now that makes you the loser." Ronnie Anne added.
Pacifica read it and looked shocked. "What?! Mom!" She called as the car drove away.
"Man, revenge is underrated. That felt awesome!" Dipper mused.
Lincoln nodded and said," Yep, now I know why Lola is so fond of it."
Ronnie Anne nodding and said," Yep. Also, thanks again for the pep talk and letting me tag along guys. Man I feel way better than earlier."
"No problem." Both brothers and Mabel said.
"There you guys are! We've been looking all over for you. Ronnie, where did you get the Rabbit?" Bobby asked, as he and the other Loud siblings approached them.
"It's a long story bro."
"And who's that?" Lori asked, pointing to Trembley, who had approached them.
"He's the eighth-and-a-half President of the United States. And I'm a Congresswoman." Mabel proudly said.
"He's who? And you're a what?" Lola said.
"That's silly." Lisa said.
"I have to top it off to you sis, that's some, cr-eight-zy stuff." Luan said and laughed.
Everyone groaned minus Trembley, who laughed.
"Ha! Good joke, when is it your birthday?"
"Uh, July 6th."
"Then I hereby make it a National Holiday! I will see you around kids. Also, for you young Princess, some money. The negative twelve dollar bill." He said and handed it to Lola. She looked at it and it was shown to also have Trembley's face on it.
"Wow, this is worthless." Lola deadpanned.
"It's less than worthless. Trembley away!"
He jumped backwards onto a horse and rode away.
"What just happened?" Lana asked.
"We'll explain it later, so, what's there to do here?" Dipper asked.
Everyone shrugged and went around town to enjoy the rest of the day, while the three explained what happened. And also released Stan, even though he was still mad everyone.