After what felt like a lifetime I looked back towards the doctor, all the strength and anger I once held disappeared, leaving me blank and empty. "What does this mean then? Is it permanent? Am I going to have to stay in the hospital for the rest of my life?" I all but whispered in worry, my throat as dry as a desert, leaving my voice a scratchy mess.
Dr. Soren simply stood there, his calm demeanour slipping to one of both sadness and pity. "From the damage already done to your lungs and the nature of the disease, the most we will be able to do is try and slow the speed of any further damage that takes place. But I'm afraid that's all we can do."
As the words registered in my ears, I continued to stare blankly upwards at the ceiling, feeling large droplets of tears form in the corner of my eyes and begin to cascade down the sides of my face. I let loose an array of painful chokes as I all but broke down at the unspoken words of the doctor that rattled inside my brain. I was going to die.
After what felt like an eternity, with no more tears able to be shed and the unwiped trails they left dried on my face, I looked back to Dr. Soren who had stood there the entire time in silence, giving me time to come to terms with all I had learnt. Something which I was nowhere close to doing.
"How long do I have left?"
If Dr. Soren was surprised by the bluntness of my question, he didn't show it. "If you stayed here at the hospital… maybe four to five months. However, if you decide to be looked after at home, you're looking closer to three." He stated.
"I see."
"I can understand that this is a lot to process and I can't imagine what you must be feeling at this moment. If you would like, why don't you take tonight to think things over and consider how you want to proceed from here? I will just go and give your emergency contact a call and inform them that you're here."
As he turned around and started heading towards the door, I quickly jumped up, eliciting a painful hiss as I agitated my injured body in the process. "Wait, stop!" I shouted, waving my arms in a wild manner in panic. "Please don't call my dad, he uhh, can't afford to leave work early."
The moment the words left my mouth I knew it was a piss-poor attempt at an excuse. A sentiment the doctor shared if the confusion and scepticism portrayed on his face were anything to go by. While we did have money issues it wasn't as if my dad leaving a few hours early was going to bankrupt us both. The real reason I didn't want him to inform my dad was simple, I just didn't want anybody to know, not even my dad. At least not until I had fully come to terms with what it meant and everything it entailed.
Dr. Soren, clearly not sure how to proceed, cautiously replied. "I'm afraid that If you're staying the night we have no other choice but to inform your emergency contact due to you not yet being eighteen years of age. Hospital policy I'm afraid."
Realising that he was most likely telling the truth I let loose a sigh, knowing that if I didn't want my dad to know I only had one option. "Then I won't stay the night." I proclaimed as I immediately began trying to escape the confines of the bed.
Following up on my statement before he even had a chance to respond. "You said yourself that it doesn't matter whether I stay here or go back home. That I'm going to die regardless. If that's the case then I choose home."
As I continued my struggle, feeling a growing hatred for whoever wrapped me up so tightly in this bed, Dr. Soren took a step closer, his hands once again reaching down to my shoulders and stopping my movements. "I understand this is a lot of information to process, especially in such a short amount of time. Information that no one deserves to receive. And I know that you're panicking, but you need to try and stay calm."
He paused for a moment, making sure I wasn't going to continue a hasty escape. Seeing that I wasn't, he moved his hands away, taking a step back before continuing. "In my personal opinion, as your doctor, you should stay the night. Not only to think about how you want to proceed in the coming months but also so we can monitor your condition. After all, the flu in your system that worsened your symptoms hasn't yet entirely left."
Knowing that he wasn't going to let me leave easily without first thinking it through, I tried to calm my frantic heart which had been beating like a hummingbird's wing for so long that the heart rate monitor was almost releasing one consistent beep. Once it finally went down to a, if not slow, at least manageable level, I took a minute to think about what he said and recommended before coming to a decision.
"No. Thank you for the offer but I really don't want my dad to know about all this at the moment. And in truth, right now, all I want is to be as far away from here as possible." I said, flashing a small but shaky smile.
He let out a long sigh in defeat, seeing that I wasn't going to be changing my mind anytime soon. "Alright, if you want to leave then you can do so but please think about staying here for treatment. Even though the damage isn't reversible, we can still slow down the spread of said damage and extend your life expectancy by almost double."
"I will'' I said quickly before I all but jumped out the bed, ignoring the pain such an action caused.
I pulled off the straps of the heart rate monitor still attached and rushed to collect all my belongings that were placed by the side of my bed, wanting nothing more than to be gone from the hospital as soon as possible. Once I had collected everything I went to rush out of the room. However, before I could even get past the door Dr. Soren drew my attention once more, having one last thing left to say.
"Adam, no matter what decision you make, be sure to come back in a couple of days. I have some medication I want to prescribe you that can help lessen the damage to your lungs. I should be able to get it ordered by then."
At that point, I was barely listening, too focused on just getting away. Shouting a confirmation as well as a goodbye I jogged past Dr. Soren and through the door into the long, white hallways of the hospital. All I could focus on was leaving the hospital and being alone, so much so that I wasn't sure if Dr. Soren had even said a farewell back. As I ran all I could feel was the beating of my heart, a beating so strong that it felt as if my heart would leap out of my chest at any second. The sound of blood rushed through my ears in tandem with my pumping heart, overpowering any sound or chatter of the people cluttering the hallways. I followed every twist and turn of the halls. Each one an exact copy of the last giving the illusion that I was trapped, lost in a sterile white maze with no way out.
Just as I felt my anxiety start to peak and my vision began to blur, after one last turn through the halls, I entered the hospital's reception, spotting the main entrance doors not too far in front. My jogging pace immediately turned into a full-blown sprint at the sight of my goal. I charged forward, accidentally barging into a few disgruntled people in the process before, with a leap, I smashed through the front doors of the hospital. Immediately as I stepped into the outside world I was hit by the cool evening wind that blew past. I quickly took a deep breath, inhaling the fresh, chilling air, the smell of the fresh grass replacing the sterile scent that overpowered my senses prior.