It was already night when the Emperor entered the room and found his husband sitting in the dressing table. As expected, his countenance seemed worried while staring at nothingness, which he did almost every night since they "returned". His mind could be drifting on the shores of the farthest places carrying a boat of worries that would weigh on his shoulders, letting it shine in every trace of his face.
Silently, the Emperor approached from behind and stroked the broad shoulders of his husband, who woke up from the reverie and turned back and opened a smile.
"Oh, I see you're back."
"What were you thinking? I heard you spent the afternoon with Lucian, I thought you would be happier."
"Yes..."
The consort looked away and let out a weary sigh.
"What is it, Cass? something happened?"
"I can't say for sure. I'm afraid Lucian has deep hurt, especially about me."
"Why is that?"
Cassander raised his dark eyes to his husband and then held hands for both of them to go to bed. Sitting side by side, Cassander remained with his fingers entwined with those of the Emperor and told him how it was his afternoon with Lucian, not forgetting — of course — the words that the eighth prince said to him before he left.
"Did he say that?" Rehael questioned, slightly widening his blue eyes. "I can't imagine Lucian angry with anything, he was always quiet. Much less that he longed to leave the Palace".
"I do not stop worrying about him. We made the mistake of believing that our son was really well on his own, and we know we were wrong. But now..."
"We must think that we are right in making him marry the Grimwood" Rehael replied, passing his arm around the husband and hugging him in comfort. "If he said so, then we are right in thinking that the best place for him is out of here. We are on the right track."
"Haa... frankly, Rehael. I just wish I had been able to help that child."
"I know. My sons are not children, they are already adults who know what they want, and are fighting to achieve their goals. Unfortunately I also have to look at them as Emperor, so I make many mistakes as a father."
If he could, Rehael would protect them all. Despite being a man in charge of the entire Roveaven Empire, he was also a flawed father. His debauchery as a young man led him to have children before marriage, although he never regretted being the father of so many wonderful young children.
Only that he knew what it was like to lose a child.
Rehael had already buried three of his sons, who were victims of the throne's battle. It was then that he understood the weight of the crown he had on his head, and how its golden glow was able to blind people and seduce them by the way of ambition, to the point of doing things they should never do.
Surely he has heard of other kingdoms that have had bloody stories, where son murders father just to get power. Unfortunately, every ruler had to know the weight of the throne. At the same time as there is the glory of governing, there is a sword pointed at his neck, waiting for the perfect moment to make him fall into ruin.
After going through such suffering with the loss of his children, and seeing the fault that he himself committed, Rehael strengthened his posture as a ruler, even if they went with the other children. His coldness and inexpressiveness of affection generated the affective distance between them, being too late to correct this.
"We also saw Raven and Dahlia today."
"It's that so?"
"Yes" Cassander commented, also showing how surprised he was. "And Lucian mentioned that Raven might be interested in the younger son of the Sageclaws."
"Raven has always been a girl who easily falls in love with boys, but now she should already be looking for a husband to help her strengthen her position... Haa, frankly I have no idea what these kids think."
"Haha, you just said that they are adults" Cassander whispered, managing to pull a thin smile from his husband's stoic face. "Anyway, I feel things are very different this time. It makes me anxious not to know if we are right or wrong."
"Should I agree, Cass. Only that won't stop us from protecting those who must be protected, will it?"
"You're right. This time we will."
To whom it must be protected... this triggered the most bitter memory of Rehael.
The memories of the blood running down your son's body, and of Cassander hugging him tight as he screamed in the rain... That scene would never leave the mind of Rehael, who saw himself incredulous in that empty and abandoned palace while the knights shouted from outside about an invasion. For several nights he dreamed of that moment, reliving the pain and anguish, the frustration of having failed to protect one of his children.
How long would he have to keep losing what was precious, because of a throne?
Never in his life did he imagine that he would go through such suffering. Nor did he imagine that he would drag someone as pure as Cassander to such hell.
Cassander's delicate hands held Rehael's face and brought him back to reality. The sweet kiss deposited on his lips and the pheromones he released calmed the Emperor. The bite on his shoulder tingled, the connection between them continued strong sharing their emotions.
"Please don't make that face. We'll find a way. For that, we will do what we want, right?"
How could he say no to his husband's sweet words? Cassander was so gentle and pure that he didn't even look like an alpha. Rehael just smiled and nodded his head, wrapping his arms around Cassander's waist and hugging him tightly."
"Yes, we will do what we want."
The next day, Rehael was in his office dealing with some documents that needed to be signed as soon as possible. The silence in that room was ideal for him to concentrate, while it was agonizing as his thoughts insisted on reviving that bitter memory.
For a moment he stopped writing, leaving the pen on the table and massaged his temples that insisted on hurting.
"Would you like to take a break, Your Majesty?"
"Yes, Hector. And please bring me a tea to calm my nerves."
"As you wish."
The beta assistant bowed and withdrew from the Emperor's office, leaving him alone with his own feelings. Rehael opened one of the drawers on his desk and took out a small silver medallion with the image of the Goddess Kronosis, and left it in his hands as he prayed silently.
"Gracious mother, bright stone that guides the lost, guide me in the vast darkness to my lighthouse and grace me with your wisdom, so be it and so do."
When he finished whispering the prayer, Rehael let out a muffled laugh as he realized that after being old he started to be more religious. When he was young, he used to just see it as a political extension that he needed to master. But now...
It was his last hope.
If not even the Goddess of Souls and Time could comfort his heart, Rehael could simply break and give up everything.
A few minutes later, the assistant came back with a tray of tea and served his Emperor. Rehael drank a sip of the hot tea and sighed feeling calmer, even noticed that Hector was carrying something under his arm.
"Are these letters?"
"That's right, Your Majesty. I intended to separate them before giving it to you."
"It's not necessary, give me."
Hector delivered the letters to the Emperor, who began to separate only by reading the name of the sender. One of them caught his attention, being the only envelope to be opened and its contents read.
"I had forgotten this detail."
"Is there a problem, Your Majesty?"
"We need temple approval for the engagement of Lucian and the Grand Duke."
"I thought you had taken care of this personally when you visited the temple last time, so I did not dare to mention it."
Sighing tired, the Emperor left the letter on the table.
"No, I completely forgot. The last time we had a wedding was mine, and it's been a long time. Please, Hector, bring me some letter papers, I need to warn Lucian and the Grand Duke of this commitment."
"As you wish, Your Majesty."
After the papers were delivered, the Emperor himself wrote a letter to the two engaged boys. Although he was brief in his words, making it clear that it was a real duty, Rehael did not stop thinking of the relief he felt in his chest.