Chapter 42: Time to Get a Girlfriend
Hikigaya had a dream.
Let's be clear — it was a very absurd dream.
In the dream, Hikigaya lived his life like a normal person. A completely average life by any standard: no martial arts, no god-slaying — just living.
Until one day, all the people he knew, whether he liked them or hated them, were gone. When he looked around, the world was filled with strangers.
Even the people he once disliked — in that moment, he found himself missing them dearly.
It was then that he suddenly remembered — he was a god-slayer, something he had forgotten at some unknown point.
He began to feel an intense desire to fight gods — obsessively so. Every day and every night, that thought consumed him. Only through such battles could he feel like himself again.
Whether doing good or evil no longer mattered. Nothing stirred emotions in him anymore. If he wanted to do something, he just did it.
Finally, when he realized it was all just a dream — he woke up.
He was lying in his own bed, drenched in sweat. The bedsheets smelled of it.
What a terrifying dream…
And damn it was way too vivid and way too long!
Why would he even have such a dream!?
He crawled out of bed, walked out of his room, went down the stairs, and into the washroom.
After washing up, changing clothes, and taking a shower, everything was done mechanically, his brain still foggy.
When he snapped out of that dazed state, he found himself sitting on the sofa in the living room, holding a can of cold drink, with the TV in front of him.
No one else was home. It was summer break. Komachi had gone out.
The Chiba village training camp had ended too, probably about a week ago.
After the camp, everyone had taken the same charter bus back — everyone except Yukinoshita. Her sister picked her up — an absolute beauty as always.
Her name was Haruno. Very polite. But Hikigaya knew that was just her mask, that she was seriously manipulative.
Still, it seems Yukinoshita was still Yukinoshita. Hikigaya, on the other hand, was no longer the same Hikigaya. He figured that the kind of relationships built in his old world wouldn't exist in this world.
There was simply no reason for them to happen.
In fact, he didn't want it to happen, she wasn't his Yukinoshita.
Although, some unexpected relationships seemed to be forming. Like Hiratsuka-sensei getting all flustered and blushing — that was kinda fun to watch.
The TV was broadcasting the morning news.
Basically, there were floods happening everywhere.
Huh? Why is everything about floods? Isn't there anything else to report this morning?
It was already late July. Another week and it would be August.
Japan, being mountainous with narrow coastal plains, has short rivers with small drainage basins. Due to distinct seasons, there's a clear wet and dry period, causing drastic seasonal changes in water flow. Some rivers flood severely during summer and autumn, while drying up completely in winter.
This was right between summer and autumn — the rainy season. Even typhoon season was approaching. Some rivers were indeed entering their flood season.
But with this much flooding coverage on TV, Hikigaya felt like there was something he ought to remember.
But he wasn't the type to force himself to remember stuff. Even as a god-slayer, brain cells were precious — once dead, they're not coming back.
He stretched lazily, took a big swig of his drink, and propped his feet up on the coffee table.
Now this was the good life.
Hikigaya didn't think of himself as a shut-in — he just liked the shut-in lifestyle.
At least it was more comfortable than fighting gods.
Ding dong...
The doorbell rang.
Who could it be?
If it were Komachi, she had a key. As for Hikigaya himself, he couldn't think of anyone close enough to visit during summer break. Not even acquaintances.
That left delivery, water meter inspection, or door-to-door sales.
So, the youngest god-slayer decided to pretend he didn't hear it.
But whoever was out there was annoyingly persistent, ringing the bell nonstop.
Ugh, fine. Maybe I should give the guy a light beating and send him packing.
Yup, sounds like a plan.
Reluctantly slipping on his slippers, Hikigaya got up from the comfy sofa and walked to the door.
What? You say he should've checked first in case it was a bad guy?
Don't be silly — you should be worried for the bad guy instead…
The door opened. But it wasn't a delivery guy. Not water services. Not a salesman.
It was a girl. A very familiar girl.
She was wearing a school uniform — not sure which school — but hey, it's a Japanese school uniform. Everyone knows what that means. If the body's good, it's basically walking scenery in the summer.
And this one? Yeah, total stunner. Practically glowing.
The short skirt perfectly covered the parts that no one should see before marriage — unless you're their parents — leaving just enough curves to spark the imagination. Her long, shapely legs were fully exposed. Total school idol material.
Her waist looked tightly cinched — not due to any corset, just naturally toned. Moving up, though she wasn't as "massive" as Hiratsuka-sensei, she still had quite the figure. Her arms, visible through the short sleeves, were pale and tender-looking — though Hikigaya knew those hands were anything but delicate.
Her face was lovely — delicate, almond-shaped, with soft red eyes and a traditional Japanese hairstyle. Very classic beauty.
In short: A girl with a modern outfit, but traditional elegance — and Hikigaya knew her.
Seishuin Ena, the fourth female lead in the original Campione! series. Though Hikigaya felt she shouldn't be ranked fourth based on her qualities — probably just showed up late in the story.
Anyway, compared to the other miko from the anime, Hikigaya liked her more.
Of course, that didn't mean much. Just because he liked her didn't mean anything would happen. Especially since 2D and 3D were two totally different things.
"Something you need?" Hikigaya asked, already ready to shut the door. She should've seen it coming.
Being stunned by beauty isn't a good trope. For any loser protagonist — whether in novels or reality — a beautiful stranger showing up uninvited during summer break was never a good sign.
The tragedy of loners is that even when they know it's a trap, they still hope — and then get completely destroyed.
Hikigaya felt it was time for all loners to stand tall — and refuse the trap.
Because this was definitely a trap!
"Good morning, Hikigaya-kun," the girl said with a reserved smile.
See? Knew it. Definitely not normal. No one keeps up that act even after their true self is known — unless it's a serious trap.
"This is your imagination. I'm not well at all. Goodbye," Hikigaya said and moved to close the door.
Unfortunately, she was faster.
Her pale, soft-looking hand landed on the door with a slap. It stopped dead in its tracks.
Clearly not your average hand strength…
"Aww, don't be like that, Demon King. So shy~"
Shy my ass. Men and women shouldn't touch — now take your hand off!
"Let me in~"
Whoa, she's even using that soft, cutesy voice!? What, bullying him because he doesn't have a girlfriend!? And if you're going to fake it, can you at least remove that pound sign on your forehead? And stop twitching your eye already!
Hikigaya was about to retort when Seishuin Ena twisted her waist and slipped inside. With no more resistance, the door slammed shut behind her. Hikigaya, who had been pushing the door, stumbled forward — but caught himself with one hand on the door.
At the same time, Ena couldn't stop herself and bumped straight into his chest.
"So soft..." Hikigaya sighed and continued holding her trim waist in one hand. Looking down at her blushing, furious face, he seriously asked:
"Mind if we stay like this a while longer?"
Seriously, this was bad. He really needed to get a girlfriend soon, or he'd probably explode one day.
A god-slayer blown up by his own heat — now that would be the dumbest thing ever.
Maybe... should I actually try chasing after Hiratsuka-sensei?