As Eric walks down the slight incline of a hill he notices something. He notices the Survival Guide beating a chicken with a bat.
'What the hell? What's she doing? Okay... keep walking towards her.'
In a blink of an eye the chicken is thrown across the fence along with the bat. She begins to walk around the survival training area and act normal.
"Did you see that? What an arm..." Alec clenches onto Jared's shoulder.
Being jacked O'Malley not the alley cat, Jared easily grabs his arm and places it on Filip's shoulder.
"Uh... I'm getting uncomfortable." Glancing at the hand awkwardly while it begins to massage him. "Guys, I'm losing focus here."
Jared re-lights his cigar and speaks with a deep modest voice. "Get comfortable. We're gonna be here a long time."
Eric hesitantly moves towards her. 'Okay press talk-to...'
"Hello there, newcomer."
'Wish that were true...'
"My name is Bryanna."
'She looks way prettier in the game, what is that.. wait am I getting a boner? SHIT! Ignore her tits. I'm not here for that. Focus on the adventure... and getting of tutorial island so I! Can go HOOOME!'
"My job is to teach you about the skills you can use to survive in this world."
'More like get railed... focus.'
"The first skill we're going to look at is Fishing. There's some shrimp in this pond here. Let's try and catch some."
The Survival Expert gives you a small fishing net.
In Game: You've been given an item - To view the item you've been given...
'Well this isn't my first time. Time to skip all this intro crap.'
Eric quickly skips through the boring instructions and begins to fish.
'I've never done this before.'
He bends over in a squat position and slightly casts the net into the water.
'That's a strange way to fish. But it's kind of enjoyable... I mean that's what I loved about this game from the get go. It didn't make sense but everyone loved it. Now it's making sense. Wait what am I doing? Why am I rushing all of this? What if a bunch of noobs are watching me? People who don't get the game yet? God I'm thinking to much. I need to slow down and enjoy this nooby stage of the game and then... when the time's right, go Rambo!
After a notorious number of casts, he finally manages to get his first shrimp.
"I got my first shrimp yaaaaaah!"
Filip smacks the keys preparing a code for the future, "looks like he's having fun already."
Alec despicably remarks, "looks can be deceiving... What I wanna look at... What I wanna look AT! Is him off the island! Wouldn't that would be a sight."
Jared puts his cigar out, "you suck at quoting movies."
The Game: You manage to catch some shrimp. Click here to continue.
'Okay.'
As the newcomer song continues to play Eric reads the instructions.
You've gained some experience. Click on the flashing bar graph icon near the inventory button to see your skills menu.
'Open skill menu. Any new skills since I left? Oh hunter. Interesting...'
The Game: Skills and Experience. On this menu you can view your skills. Your skills can be leveled up by earning experience, which is gained by performing various activities. As you level up your skills, you will earn new unlocks. Speak to the survival expert to continue.
Tutorial Island Progress: a bar hovers above and says % done...
'Blank. What there's no percentage number? What are we living in the bronze age? Huh. Looks like ten percent.'
A player named Dave Maged U walks down the hill and begins to fish. "Hey noob. I'm going straight for barrage when I get out of here. You got a plan?"
Eric walks over to the Survival expert and notices her bight her lip.
'What the flip?' Is she doing that or is that scripted?'
She continues to bight her lip and mouth luscious words in silence, "I want you."
The new stud rants on. "Pathetic... Pathetiicooo! Noob still hasn't learned to speak in game. RIP!"
Talk-to Survival Expert "I've managed to catch some shrimp."
"Excellent work. Now that you have some shrimp, you're going to want to cook them. To do that, you'll need a fire. This brings you on to the Woodcutting and Firemaking skills.
Click here to continue. Click.
The Game: The survival expert gives you a bronze axe and a tinderbox.
Click here to continue.
"Why hasn't he continued!?!" Alec screams on the top of his lungs.
"Maybe we should give him something with it? It'll take two seconds..." Filip convincingly attempts to persuade the gentleman.
"No, just stick to the script" Jared speaks up.
Several moments later.
Click: Woodcutting. It's time to cook your shrimp. However, you require a fire to do that which means you need some logs. You can cut down trees using your Woodcutting skill, all you need is an axe. Give it a go by clicking on one of the trees in the area.
An arrow flashes above the nearest tree.
'Okay ima go to this tree in the northern corner. Further away from that guy. He can't know I'm not a noob.'
Dave Maged U spams the chat "HAHA! You dum*** what are you trying to do? NOOOB!"
'Crap that's an oak.'
"U Won't even make it off the island bot! Get it? Ehh whatevs." He carries on foreword towards his adventure and walks off.
The Game: You won't be able to chop oak trees until you have a Woodcutting level of 15.
'Skip. Yeah I know, been a while... take it easy on me and don't chop my head off. Ignore the noob let him walk.'
"IS Eric mentally disabled? I mean man! This guy used to be a RuneScape legend!" Alec widens his arms as if he is making a speech in front of fifty-thousand people. "Now he can't even cut a proper tree!"
Looking at him seriously Jared confirms his point "He still is a legend."
Alec playfully scratches his head, "I was just joking... come on. Can't anyone take a joke?"
The room goes silent.
'Okay I guess I'll cut the closest tree next to the Survival Expert, like an EXPERT!'
He walks towards the tree. The Survival Expert begins to hop up and down sort of bouncing her water balloons.
'The hell?'
"You guys see that?" Filip screen shots the screen.
"Perv. I like it" Alec takes a photo of the screen shot.
"Oh we see it." Jared wobbles his hand like a shake weight.
'Those assholes must be messing with me. Focus. Cut the tree'
Chop. Chop. Chop. Five minutes later...
The Game: You manage to cut some logs. Click here to continue.
Firemaking. Now that you have some logs, it's time to light a fire. First, click on the tinderbox in your inventory. Then, with the tinderbox highlighted, click on the logs to use the tinderbox on them.
'Bastards. When's the last time I did a bonfire? Hmm. I don't even remember...' Eric slightly squats down and starts a fire right beneath him. As it lights he walks backwards and out of the way.
'Hah matrix dodging fires without burning oneself...'
The Game: Cooking.
Now it's time to get cooking. To do so , click on the shrimp in your inventory. Then, with the shrimp highlighted, click on a fire to cook them. If you look at the top left of the screen, you'll see the instructions that you're giving to your character.
'This doesn't really apply to me cause I'm not looking at a screen, although the perspective is different looking at it from within the game. This boring "auto-cad" isn't necessary but okay will do.'
Right before he attempts to cook he notices something odd again.
The Survival Expert is frantically cooking shrimp. As he watches her do this their eyes meet. "These are for you."
He gathers his words and replies like a confused toddler seeing a toy for the first time. "Uh... bwah... huh? You don't have to?"
Filip smashes the keys "Notice how she changes herself when people aren't around."
Jared questions this, "But why is she acting different around Eric? He's still an adventurer."
Drunk out of his mind Alec spits reasons without reason. "Cause he smells like shit! Can't you see it? The globe...'
He sloppily creates rainfalls streaks on the screen. "The stream..." HICCUP! "Steam rolling into the sky... Past Elvarg's layer! OH SHIIIT! I GUESSSED IT!" He wobbles away singing.
Filip pulls out a handkerchief and begins to wipe the screen.
"Of course I do! You're the one! We match, the same hair... and oh... those biceps!
'Great, I had to pick a character who's a pussy magnet. Beats being that scrawny nerd I was back home.'
"What's that in the sky?" Eric speaks abruptly.
A dragons shadow is casted upon the island. The Survival Expert quickly wraps up all the food and throws it over the fence.
"No that's not what I wanted to do." She quickly runs back and forth storing the shrimps into his inventory.
He hollers as she jumps over the fence once again. "You don't have to do it one at a time!"
His words fade as the dragon swerves out of sight. Pyoom!
"I think he smelt it. Quick! Put it away! I'm Hannah by the way." Hannah goes for a handshake, he puts the last shrimp away, "Eri... UHM!!! LeThaL, my names Lethal."
'Her real names different? What?'
"I can see that, but what I can't see is why you are different..." She begins to examine him like a newly discovered artifact in the Varrock museum.
He melts whilst barely letting out a proper sentence. "You aren't scripted?"
"Oh me? As in, I don't have free will? No we are, but only when we have to be... if that makes sense." She runs her hand through his hair.
"Oh it makes sense..." He falls into a state of trance. It gets cut off.
"You do realize you won't ever see me again."
He goes back into the trancy state, "Yes I know..."
SMACK!
"How do you know that?"
"OUCH! Uh. I don't! All I know is what it's like to be in your pants! I mean your pants are empty! Take some. You deserve all the shrimp!" He quickly drops it off.
Watching him she loses her self and begins to giggle "You're being so romantic. Tell me. You are being romantic!"
"Seriously?" Pointing at himself, "You want me to tell you that I'm being romantic?"
She slaps her hands against her legs. "No numb nuts. I was talking to myself. Out looooud."
"They are kind of numb. I mean. Right. My bad... Wait shouldn't you be speaking in old tongue? Like medieval or something?"
Attempting a funny accent she begins to laugh hysterically and mock him. "They are swelling! I'll call the apothecary in Varrock to get you a potion for those... painfully aching coconuts."
"I'm gonna cook my shrimp."