At the border between the Land of Fire and the Land of Wind—where dense forests gradually gave way to vast desert plains and trees stood fewer and farther between—there was a scene that could only be described as... absurd.
A man in a worn-out Konoha jonin uniform, his forehead protector scratched and dulled, was fighting—or rather, desperately trying to survive—against roughly ten red-haired women in identical green kimonos. Their movements were swift, elegant, and eerily synchronized.
From afar, atop a large boulder overlooking the skirmish, sat another red-haired woman in the same green kimono. She sipped tea with her right hand, holding a half-eaten mochi in the other.
"Hmmm... what was his name again?" she muttered lazily, yet with evident curiosity. Her eyes scanned the battle below, then she reached into her sleeve and pulled out a neatly tied scroll.
Sunlight shimmered over the unfurling paper as the dry desert breeze tugged at her long crimson hair. Her sharp eyes traced the list of names written within.
"Ah, here we go," she said brightly, pointing at one name. "Ryuzaki."
She narrowed her gaze at the exhausted man below. "Tch tch tch… I could understand defecting to Iwa or Kumo. But Suna? A land of sand and dust? Pfft… such a poor choice," she commented with a shake of her head.
Kushina Uzumaki—or rather, the real Kushina—stood gracefully. She stored the tea and mochi back into a small storage scroll at her waist, then casually strolled toward the chaos.
As she drew closer, one by one, the red-haired women disappeared in puffs of smoke. Only one remained—standing beside the now-unconscious Ryuzaki, who lay face-down on the ground with his limbs bound by chakra seals. His face was dirty and drenched in sweat, yet his eyes still burned with defiance.
Kushina stopped a few steps away, crossing her arms. Her expression was neutral, but her voice dripped with sarcasm.
"Has our jonin quality dropped this low? Seriously, getting beaten by one of my half-serious shadow clones?"
Ryuzaki didn't respond. He simply glared at her in silence, which was more damning than any insult.
She raised a brow. "Oh? The silent type?" she murmured. "Too bad. I'm in the mood for conversation."
With a sigh, she casually struck him at the nape with an open palm. He collapsed instantly like a ragdoll.
"Ugh, not even an elegant silence," she remarked before turning to her clone. "Let's go home. Wrap him up like a bag of rice."
The clone nodded lifelessly and slung Ryuzaki over her shoulder like a sack from the market. Her expression radiated utter boredom.
On the way back to Konoha, Kushina strolled beside her clone, her red hair flowing beautifully in the desert wind, though her face betrayed pure annoyance.
'What was the Sandaime thinking…' she sighed. 'This is the third time I've had to chase a missing-nin since Naruto's birthday...'
After Naruto's birthday, Sarutobi Hiruzen—the Third Hokage—had officially promoted Kushina to full jonin. It was supposed to be an honor, but what followed was just... more work.
Her first assignments as part of a team? Disasters. Her teammates couldn't even act before the mission was over. Twice.
So Hiruzen made a decision: let Kushina handle missions solo.
With her physical strength, massive Uzumaki chakra reserves, and pinpoint use of shadow clones, she didn't need help.
But for someone as extroverted and chatty as her… it was torture.
"Ugh… it's so quiet!" she whined loudly.
"You're talking to yourself again," her clone replied flatly.
"Eh? Aren't you me, too?" she shot back.
"Exactly the problem…"
Kushina pouted.
And within her supposedly quiet mind, a deep growl echoed—Yin-Kurama's voice, grumbling.
"Again? You're talking to yourself again? How many times has it been during this trip?"
"Oh shut up, you grumpy fox! I need entertainment!"
"Then go find a talking cat or something."
Kushina scoffed and smiled despite herself. Annoying as it was, she felt more alive.
By the time they returned to Konoha, the warm afternoon sun filtered through the trees. Birds chirped, and the distant hum of village life filled the air.
Suddenly, the Hokage's office door burst open—no knock, no warning.
"Graaaandpa Sandaime! Mission's done!" Kushina bellowed cheerfully as she stormed in like a miniature typhoon. Her broad smile lit up the room, and her long red hair swayed with her brisk stride.
Behind the paper-laden desk, Sarutobi Hiruzen—Third Hokage—just slowly shook his head. The long pipe between his lips puffed a faint trail of smoke, and he smiled at her antics.
"Excellent work as always, Kushina," he said warmly. "Thank you for handling Ryuzaki so swiftly."
Kushina rested her hands on her hips and puffed her cheeks like a sulking child. "Grandpa Sandaime, can't you give me more fun missions? Or better yet—some time off! I'm a single mom, you know! I need time with my sweet little Naruto!"
Hiruzen sighed, his smile fading slightly. His voice softened. "I'm sorry, Kushina... but you know the situation. Ever since the Kyuubi attack last year, we've lost many shinobi. We're stretched thin."
Kushina's eyes narrowed. Her smile disappeared, her mood darkened. The memories—blood, seals, Minato—flashed back uninvited.
Hiruzen noticed. He studied her quietly, then shifted his tone.
"Didn't you once say you wanted to be Hokage? Back when you first entered the Academy? Isn't taking on more missions one path toward that goal?"
Kushina spun around in alarm, eyes wide. "Eeeeh?! Hokage?! No, no, no! I've long abandoned that dream! Being Hokage is... boring!"
She raised her arms dramatically in protest and gazed up at the ceiling. "Minato used to come home once a week—if I was lucky. No ramen dates, no cuddle time with Naruto… No thanks!"
But deep down, there was another thought she dared not speak aloud:
'Danzo… that ambitious old man. If he learns I want to be Hokage, I could be his next target. I can't risk that—for myself... or Naruto.'
Hiruzen lifted a brow. "Is that so?"
"I'm serious!" she snapped, then pointed at him with a suspicious squint. "Tell me, Grandpa Sandaime. Besides drowning in paperwork every day... what else do you do? Peek into women's hot springs with your fancy telescope jutsu, huh?"
Hiruzen's pipe wobbled dangerously. He choked on his own smoke and coughed several times before he could respond. "That's… That's the Telescope Technique! Not a peeping jutsu!"
Kushina folded her arms with a victorious grin. "Hah! But you didn't deny the peeping part, did you? Caught red-handed~!"
Hiruzen closed his eyes and took a long, suffering breath. "Alright, alright. You've earned a break… One week off. But don't go spreading this around."
Kushina beamed. "Tch! What secret? Half the jonin in this village already know your hobby. But thanks for the vacation! See ya~!"
With a dramatic wave, she strolled out of the office, her red hair fluttering like a triumphant banner.
Once the door shut behind her, Hiruzen sat still for a moment. Then he chuckled, shaking his head.
"That girl… a storm in human form," he murmured, but the warmth in his voice betrayed his fondness.
After confirming he was alone, he opened a drawer and pulled out a brightly colored book—one of Jiraiya's novels.
From the shadows, hidden ANBU operatives exchanged silent glances.
'Lord Hokage… at least wait an hour after Kushina-sama leaves before cracking open your smut novel,' they all thought simultaneously, their hearts equally weary.