"WAKE UP! TRAAAAAINING! OR I'LL COVER YOU IN BARBECUE SAUCE AND ROAST YOU IN THE CHIMNEY!!!"
The voice of "Captain" Juno Dew exploded like a falling meteor.
La Fortuna, once peaceful, instantly transformed into a morning edition fitness hell.
Arthur, still clinging to a floatation ring, cracked one eye open.
"She said 'training'... but it feels like I signed up for alien experiments..."
"You've been a victim since birth," muttered Bastien, somehow already doing one-handed push-ups on top of a water barrel.
His undershirt read: "Pain is Temporary, Embarrassment is Forever."
In the corner of the kitchen, Nara stood like a zombie freshly risen from the grave.
Hugging a frying pan, her hair a nest of tangles, and muttering chicken soup recipes under her breath.
"Get up! Training isn't just for show!" Juno barked as she marched across the deck, kicking barrels, buckets, and occasionally a sleeping crewmember.
"Remember, danger can strike anytime at sea!" Bastien shouted.
Arthur yawned wide and raised his hand.
"Like... now?"
He pointed toward the horizon.
Everyone turned.
Out of the fog, a black ship emerged slowly.
The atmosphere instantly tensed, like the soundtrack of a low-budget horror movie.
A black flag fluttered — the image of a crow's skull clutching a metal fist.
Crow Fist Pirates.
"Pirate brawlers... Oh no, are they gonna punch our ship until it dents?" Arthur shivered.
"Or worse," Bastien replied. "They might challenge us to a fistfight until we pass out."
---
Meanwhile, in Nara's world...
Nara stared blankly, completely unaware of the looming threat.
In her mind, a slideshow of past memories played:
Vindra Island.
Her friends fighting heroically.
And her?
Hiding behind a basket of potatoes, panicking and starving.
"NO!" Nara thought dramatically, like a shonen protagonist beginning their training arc.
"I MUST BECOME STRONG!"
With the fire of someone who just binged motivational videos, Nara flung open a kitchen cupboard—
And pulled out...
A wooden sword.
Still bearing a "Buy 1 Get 7 Free" sticker.
"I WILL TRAIN!!!" she shouted, raising the sword to the sky.
Lightning flashed behind her. (Or maybe it was just the electric kettle short-circuiting. Minor detail.)
---
"Alright, Nara!" Bastien called out. "If you wanna train, we start from the basics!"
Arthur handed her a helmet...
Well, a cooking pot.
"Here. For... spiritual protection."
Training began.
Nara stood proud with the wooden sword, ready like an anime hero—
Unfortunately, she looked more like a slipping duck.
"Stance!" Bastien commanded.
Nara immediately squatted awkwardly, arms stiff, legs trembling like she was playing a game of Twister.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Bastien yelled.
"I-I'm in a stance...?" Nara answered innocently.
"You look like a broken chair! Straighten your back! Spread your legs! Chin up! You're not trying to win a squatting contest!"
Nara tried to adjust her posture.
Now she resembled a statue frozen mid-seizure.
---
First technique: The Slash.
"Keep your body stable. Raise the sword. Slash forward!" Bastien instructed.
Nara nodded determinedly... and swung the wooden sword with all her might.
SWISH!
The sword immediately flew out of her hands, spinning through the air—
—and landed perfectly, stabbed into Juno's butt.
"YAAAAAAAAARGHH!!! WHOSE PRIMITIVE HUMAN IS THIS?!" Juno screamed, leaping three meters into the air like a popcorn kernel popping.
The entire crew froze.
Nara immediately bowed 90 degrees.
"GOMENASAI!!!" she cried frantically.
Juno raised her fist.
"After this, I'm having a 'special training' session with you, brat!"
---
Training continued.
Nara attempted basic swings.
Every time she swung, sounds of BANG! SMACK! THUD! echoed.
Sometimes she hit the mast.
Sometimes she hit Arthur.
Sometimes she hit herself.
On the deck's sidelines, Arthur and the others opened up a betting arena.
"I bet 50 berries she falls before five swings!"
"I'll put 100 berries on her crashing into a pole!"
"I'M BETTING 200 BERRIES—ARGH SHE STEPPED ON MY FOOT!"
Despite being showered with bruises, lumps, and aesthetic injuries, Nara refused to give up.
She kept swinging the wooden sword like her life depended on it—
Though she looked more like someone trying to swat bees.
Bastien squinted, then nodded slowly.
"Your spirit is... stupid. But touching."
Arthur whispered to Bastien, "If she can hold onto that sword for ten minutes without killing a living being... I'll buy you a watermelon."
"Challenge accepted," Bastien chuckled.
---
Back to reality (which was getting more absurd).
From the enemy ship, a trumpet blared—
BERRR-BEBEBEBEHHH!
(Sounded like a drunk cow sucked into a vacuum cleaner.)
A Crow Fist pirate shouted:
"HAND OVER YOUR SHIP OR—ARGHH WHO GAVE ME A TRASH DUMP TRUMPET?!"
Bastien stood calm, spinning his wooden sword.
"Defensive formation, guys!" he commanded.
Arthur panicked.
"WHAT FORMATION?! We've never practiced!"
"JUST IMPROVISE!" Bastien laughed.
Thus, with a chaotic crew, a half-insane captain, a cook who just learned how to hold a sword,
La Fortuna prepared to face the Crow Fist Pirates...
...armed with barely-courage,
...weapons mostly made of wood and cookware,
...and Nara at the front line, ready to swing her wooden sword—
(hoping this time she wouldn't stab herself again).
But one thing was certain:
She would not just watch.
(As long as she didn't accidentally kill her teammates first.)