June
My tears became more uncontrollable as I backed my bedroom door, crying my eyes out. 'how did I get here?' it was the question that lingered most in my mind. There was nothing like peace inside me, I have turned to the life of chaos. Full time chaos, the walls were closing in and I knew that it was only a matter of time before I exploded. I have become a walking time bomb that is prepared for destruction. Her words lingered in my mind for the longest time; 'Lucas and I are the real thing.' This only denounced the validity of my marriage and every time I tried to convince myself that Lucas lived me even during the time he considered us married, her words were are sharp iron, countering the effect of that in my mind. I knew one thing, two of us could kit stay inside this house without snapping. Since both of us were pregnant, something terrible was only to happen.
I could feel it...
I grabbed my car keys from the coffee table. Freshened up and dressed in something simple and casual. I drove down town to that same familiar place. The beginning of my passion with this man, something to snap me out of bad thoughts of my marriage. I didn't think there was something to hold on to but it would feel nice if I didn't think of any of it this night. The pressure of my shift at the hospital pressed heavily on me but I knew better. Since work was the only escape I felt away from my issues, then I resulted to ordering drinks at the bar. The very same bar that I met him.
I say on the bar stool and watched as the bartender gave me my drink, scotch on the rocks with a twist. It was what I drank that night, it is what I drank every night. I leaned on to the idea that marriage was failing. It was the only thing that made me loose my mind. Things like this made me miss mom. She travelled to Bali and has been away from the digital world because she was chafing some kind of spirituality. Something I didn't understand. She had never been in support of my marriage with Lucas. Ever since I got married, she barely come visit except she requests my presence and I go to her. It's been a year since she was in Bali, at least she got to call me from time to time. That's it. It still wasn't enough, not even I was going through these crisis with no point of direction.
*Hey beautiful." I paused, it felt like the air around me paused along with me. It was him. Why I do I think of him in ways I shouldn't. I turned to see him, the light in his eyes, were filled with gleam with but a flirty look. As much as he had a serene aura, there was a flair of danger added to it. I couldn't quite place it but it was exhilarating, almost like I was basking in a known novelty.
"I didn't think I was going to see you here twice in a row." I feigned a blank look. I didn't want him to know what I was thinking or feeling... I was a married woman, I shouldn't be feeling all of this for a man I barely know. If this goes out, it could ruin me. I didn't want that. Even if Lucas and I had shit load of differences I didn't think I was going to be okay, feeding him to the media because of my choices.
"If I didn't know better I'd say you are following me." He playfully accused.
"You were the one that came to find me at the hospital. You are following me around, if you ask me." I smiled wistfully.
"That's because I mean what I said. I worry about you June. We met here and from the first day, I knew something was entirely wrong. I hoped you'd fix it but you are pushing yourself over the edge."
I scoffed. "What do you mean over the edge?" I defended. "Just one night over a drink doesn't mean you know what my marriage entails. Why does everyone keep acting like they know my marriage better than I do?"
"Oh, no. I didn't mean that. Calm down please." His voice was serene which stilled the anger in me. "I said that because I fear you might lose yourself."
"You don't know me. Damian. I still think you do not have such leverage over me to come see me at work. I don't believe men like you are interested in women like me. Or are you?" I was a bit tipsy and I loved the feeling of what I was playing at. I knew how dangerous it is but I wanted to feel something different.
"What if I am? Come on, June. Don't tell me you haven't felt anything since that night?"
"I am married." This was the lie that had given me assurance. A lie that turned both my ignorance and stubbornness. It was forbidden to think of another man while I was still married to one. My mind was saying something different but body wants this danger so much that's making me go crazy. I felt the heat between us , Damian took a sip of his drink and fucking my hair behind my ear.
"You are not treated right. You are in a place you shouldn't be. You know this June. I might not know the details but I know something is eating you up. I know I said I won't ask but damn, look at you. Your mind is every where." His voice went from firm to calm to whisper. It became like a song in my ears.
I broke into tears. "He is my husband and everything is falling apart I don't know what to do." He kissed my cheeks, wiping the tears off my face with his thumb.
"That's enough drinking for night, let's take you home." I felt warmth as he drove my car to the house while his driver followed suit behind us. He didn't want to leave me and I didn't want to either. I knew i can only stand a chance to fight for my rights if I was here. I can't fight a battle when I wasn't in the field.
I had already gotten in when I heard the doorbell vibrate through the walls. Startling me from my leisure time...
There was a knowing fear, guessing who it was. Damian, knowing Lucas and that whore were home, I rushed to the door getting it. I opened it and the figure standing at the doorway, sent a shock through my body.
"Dad?" I called. "What are you doing here?"