ELI
I was in pain.
Not the kind of pain that goes away after a warm bath or a good night's sleep—no, this was the kind that clawed at your chest every time you tried to breathe, the kind that made food taste like ash and turned every glance in the mirror into something shameful. And I hated that I still wanted him. That after everything he did, after everything I heard… I still craved Damir like air.
I couldn't even look at him without wanting to scream. Or cry. Or collapse into his arms and tell him how much I hated that I loved him.
And God, I did. I loved him. I loved him so much it felt like a sickness.
I was confused. That day Philip opened his mouth and exposed things I didn't even know, I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe Damir still had feelings for him. That his voice trembled not just in fury, but from something deeper… something leftover. Something unresolved. Did he still love him? Was I just a replacement? A pretty distraction until the past came knocking?
I hated myself for wondering that. For not trusting Damir. But what was I supposed to think when I saw him like that? When I saw the look in his eyes before everything turned red?
My dad? Hah. That man could rot. He left me. He left me with Damir, with Russia, with a world I wasn't ready for, and now he wanted to play savior? He was too late.
After lunch, I couldn't stand being in that room anymore. I left. My steps were heavy, my throat tight, and when I got to my room, I shut the door and slid down to the floor. My hoodie sleeves were wet before I even realized I was crying.
Lian came in, uninvited as usual. He didn't knock, he never did. And I didn't even tell him to go away. I needed someone.
He sat beside me in silence first. Just breathing with me. Then he asked, softly, "You okay, princess?"
That broke me.
"I hate him," I choked. "I fucking hate him, Lian."
He didn't respond right away.
"He hurt me again. Again, Lian. After everything. After everything he promised me… he let that man get that close. He didn't even deny it properly. He looked like he knew him."
Lian reached out, wiped a tear from my cheek. "You love him too much. That's your problem."
"He's my everything," I sobbed. "And that's the real problem. Damir owns me. My body, my heart, my thoughts, everything. And every time I think he's about to fix it, he breaks me all over again."
"So what now? You planning to forgive him again like you always do?" he asked, but he didn't sound judgmental. Just tired.
"No," I said. My voice cracked, but I meant it. "I'm breaking up with him."
Lian blinked. "You sure?"
"I can't keep doing this. I love him so much it's ruining me. I can't breathe without him, but I can't survive with him either. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to be free."
"You won't be free. You'll be miserable. And poor."
That made me laugh, even through the tears.
He smiled. "Look, I'm not saying you're wrong, but you need to think about it properly. I've seen you with Damir, Eli. No one's ever made you smile like that. You walk around like a lit-up billboard for love. Don't throw that away because of a ghost from his past."
"Philip wasn't a ghost. He was real. And Damir didn't deny him. He didn't even hesitate when he saw him. It was like… he still mattered. And that hurts more than anything."
"You really breaking up with him?"
I nodded. "Yeah."
He sighed. "Okay, then. But don't do it tonight. You're too upset. Let me stay with you tonight. Clear your head."
"You don't have to babysit me," I muttered.
"Shut up, I want to. Plus, I'm stealing one of your hoodies. So technically I'm robbing you."
That made me smile. Just a little. But it was something.
I looked around my room, at the bed I shared with Damir, the soft lighting he installed because I said I hated harsh bulbs, the perfume bottles he imported from Paris just because I once said I liked one. Every corner had him in it. Every breath I took reminded me of him.
This would be the hardest thing I'd ever do.
But I had to. For me.
I curled into Lian's lap, wiped my nose with my sleeve, and whispered, "Let's go to bed before I change my mind."
And he nodded. "I got you, princess."
I didn't look back. If I did, I'd never leave.
But my heart?
My heart was already still with Damir.