ELI
Today passed in a blur. After breakfast with Damir, I spent most of the day asleep, completely knocked out from exhaustion. My body still ached in places I didn't even know existed, thanks to the way Damir had wrecked me last night. But beyond the soreness was a strange comfort, like I had been filled to the brim with something warm and grounding. Maybe it was love. Maybe it was just the way Damir always kissed my temple afterward and tucked me into his chest like I was something sacred.
Still, by the time the sky turned that pale lilac hue of early evening, I couldn't just lay in bed anymore. I was used to being busy, to doing something, even if it was pointless. And more than anything, I didn't want to feel useless. I didn't want Damir to come home from a long day and see me curled up like a pampered pet who did nothing with his time.
So I dragged myself out of bed, slipped on one of my oversized hoodies (Damir's) it still smelled like damir's cologne and sat at the desk by the window, flipping open my laptop. The group project glared at me from the screen, the unfinished slides like reminders of all the things I'd left hanging. I didn't want to rely on my group anymore. Not after Adam. Not after the mess that followed. I had to prove to myself that I was capable.
Even if my body trembled every time I remembered the kiss I didn't want.
Even if the thought of facing them again made my stomach twist.
So I started working. Slide by slide, word by word. I didn't even realize how quickly time slipped by until my eyes burned, and my hands shook from fatigue. I rubbed them over my face and subconsciously let out a sound half..sob, half..laugh and that's when I broke. The tears came fast. Hard. My shoulders started shaking, and I curled forward onto the desk, pressing my face against the cool wood.
"I'm tired…I.."
Suddenly my phone buzzed against the desk.
Lian.
I sniffled, wiping my tears with my hoodie and hesitated for a moment. Then I picked up.
"Hello?"
"Eli?" Lian's voice was soft, concerned. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." I quickly wiped at my face, trying to stop my voice from cracking. But I failed.
"You're crying," Lian said immediately, his tone shifting. "Don't lie."
"I'm not…."
"Eli."
I broke again, covering my mouth as a choked sob slipped out. There was silence on the line, and then I heard Lian sigh.
"I'm sorry," he said. "For not being the friend I should've been. I should've been there that night. I knew something was off with Adam, but I kept brushing it aside. I was being selfish. I thought just giving you space would help, but it didn't. And I hate that you had to go through that alone."
"I wasn't alone," I whispered. "Damir was there. He's always there."
"I know," Lian said, softer now. "And thank god for him. But I still should've been there. You're my friend, and I let you shut me out."
I let out a weak laugh, tears still clinging to my lashes. "You really know how to make a guy cry harder, huh?"
"Hey, don't flatter yourself. I just have a way with dramatic people," he teased, and for the first time that evening, I smiled.
"Jerk."
"You love me."
"Unfortunately."
There was a small silence before I added, "I'm sorry too… for snapping at you. You were just trying to help, and I took it out on you. I think I just felt so embarrassed. Like… like I should've known better."
"You didn't do anything wrong," Lian said fiercely. "He kissed you without consent. You were vulnerable. That's on him, not you."
I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. "Yeah. Thanks."
"I'm always here, okay?" he said. "Even when you try to shut me out. Also, it's almost morning, so good morning."
I chuckled. "Good morning, idiot."
He hung up with a soft chuckle of his own, and I sat there in silence for a moment, breathing in the quiet.
I stepped out of my room as I started walking down the hall, my feet moving almost without thinking , I noticed the soft light filtering from under the door across the hallway. Damir's study.
I stood still for what felt like a minute and then padded barefoot toward the door, and knocked once. No response. So I slowly pushed it open.
The scent of tobacco and leather-bound books wrapped around me instantly. Damir sat at his desk, dressed only in his silk pajamas pants with no shirt on as he scribbled notes across several documents. His brows were furrowed, eyes sharp and focused under the soft golden glow of the lamp.
God, he looked sinful like that. Serious. Composed. Tired, but still fighting through it. For me.
I couldn't stop myself. I walked over quietly and slid myself into his lap, curling up against his chest without a word.
He paused, looking down at me with surprise. "Baby?"
"Thank you," I whispered, snuggling closer. "For working so hard. For being here. For always protecting me."
His arms wrapped around me without hesitation. "You don't have to thank me for that," he murmured, pressing a kiss to my temple. "It's what I want to do. Always."
"I want to make you proud," I whispered. "Even if it means doing dumb PowerPoint slides until 3am."
He chuckled, warm and low. "You already make me proud just by existing, Eli."
I looked up at him then, meeting his gaze. "Even when I'm crying and moody?"
"Especially then."
I laughed, even as tears welled up again. He kissed them away before they could fall.
"I love you," I whispered.
"I know," he said gently, brushing his fingers through my hair. "And I love you more."
We sat there in silence after that. No words. Just the comforting sound of papers rustling, his heart beating under my cheek, and his hand resting on my back like it was the only place it ever belonged.