After becoming public enemy number one in twelve star systems, Zeke figured it was time to lay low.
And by "lay low," he meant press random buttons on the apartment's teleportation pad while panicking.
"Nyx, where did we land?" Zeke asked as the fog cleared and he found himself knee-deep in soft moss and incense smoke.
Nyx paused.
"Current location: Sector 9-Astra. Probable territory of the Church of the Sacred Cache."
"…Sounds peaceful?"
Bitty coughed up a little holographic banner from his mouth:
"Welcome, Pilgrim. May Your Bandwidth Be Infinite."
Zeke blinked. "Did he just print a welcome sign from his lungs?"
...
Ten minutes later, they were surrounded.
By llamas. Cyber-llamas. Wearing ceremonial data robes and monocles made of glass drives.
One of them stepped forward and bleated in binary:
"01101100 01101111 01100001 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100100 01100001 01110100 01100001."
(Translation: "Load the data.")
Bitty bowed. Zeke tried to bow, tripped, and faceplanted into an offering plate filled with RAM chips and cherry tomatoes.
A llama licked him. It smelled like Ethernet and oregano.
...
They were taken to the Sanctum of Eternal Upload.
A giant stone server hummed in the middle. The Head Llama—a massive beast named Glitchhorn the Rooted—snorted reverently.
"You are the one the prophecies spoke of," he said solemnly, eyes glowing with unreadable data.
Zeke stared. "The what now?"
"The Ghost in the Bandwidth. The one whose IP cannot be traced. Whose connection is… 'vibing,' as the scrolls say."
Zeke blinked. "That was me trying to fix my Wi-Fi with a spoon."
Glitchhorn nodded. "Your methods are unconventional. We admire this."
...
Suddenly, the sanctuary shook.
A transmission broke through the sacred firewall:
"Zentara Operatives Approaching. Location Pinged. Terminate Targets."
"Oh, come on!" Zeke shouted.
Bitty immediately uploaded his giggle virus into the monastery firewall. The intruders' weapons jammed. One of them tripped on a ceremonial llama turd.
A full-blown cyber-llama counterattack ensued. It was majestic. Glitchhorn headbutted a drone so hard it disconnected from the metaverse.
Zeke ran through the chaos, baby in one hand, data idol in the other, and thoughts of grilled cheese in his heart.
...
Back in orbit, safe aboard a stolen Zentara pod, Tess joined them via hologram.
"You were gone for four hours. What did you do?"
Zeke held up a llama-etched flash drive.
"I think I accidentally became a spiritual icon to a herd of religious llamas."
Tess sighed. "Do I even ask?"
Bitty projected a llama wearing sunglasses and the phrase:
"Bandwidth Blessings, Bro."
Zeke smiled proudly.