"Home is never a place, It's always a person. without love one can live but If never found that one person who could make us feel like coming back home, then we really wasted our lives. "
— Imperfect Desires
2024, September
Her first year at university began—another new place, new people, new rules. But this time, she felt excited. She wanted to make friends, to start fresh.
To her surprise, she ended up in the same group as his friends. She chuckled at the irony—years ago, she had wished to study in his group, and now, in a way, she was. But at university. She loved her new environment and found friends quickly. For the first time in years, she even had male friends. It almost felt like she was moving on, like she was starting to forget him. But with his friends around, his name would sometimes come up in conversations. Slowly, she began learning more about him, little by little.
She started comparing their interests, placing herself next to him in her mind. They were different—completely different. Yet, instead of pushing her away, that contrast only made her more intrigued. The only thing they shared was their birth month. He loved horror movies; she preferred cartoons. His taste in music was calm yet melancholic, hypnotic and bittersweet, chaotic and haunting—electronic noise blending with eerie, raw emotion. Her music, on the other hand, was dreamlike and nostalgic, poetic and hopeful, often instrumental, often light. He was an athlete, playing basketball and volleyball; she had been a ballerina, but now she stuck to books. He was social, as if he knew and was friends with everyone, while she had only a few close friends and remained mostly unnoticed.
Listening to his favorite songs, watching the things he liked, she realized something—he was too dark for her world.
And maybe, she was too light for his.
"She was the sun—warm, radiant, yet unseen.
He was the moon—admired, glowing, yet lost in shadow.
She burned in silence; he shined in sorrow.
And though they circled the same sky, they were never meant to meet."
2024, November
It was an ordinary morning at the university cafeteria. She sat alone, having breakfast, scrolling through messages from her friends. Then, suddenly, she noticed a contact—his contact.
Her heart skipped a beat. Shocked, she jumped from her chair. For days, she debated with herself. Should she reach out? Was it too late?
But fear lingered—what if I lose him again?
She had heard too many real-life stories of people who found their love but never confessed, only to regret it years later. She didn't want to be one of them. She had to take the chance.
And so, she did.
Her message was simple—just an introduction. He responded, welcoming her. She couldn't believe it. She kept rereading their conversation, making sure it was real. They talked. He was open, warm, even joking with her. For a moment, it felt like she was living inside a dream.
But dreams don't last. A few days later, he disappeared.
She reached out, but he never read her messages. Then, she discovered the truth—he had deleted their conversation. And she was blocked.
She never liked contacting him through apps anyway. She was a hopeless romantic, someone who preferred handwritten letters over digital words. So she wrote—many times, through the years. Every his birthday, she wrote him a letter.
Letters he would never read.
Letters he never even knew existed.
And just like that, her dream was shattered again. She tried to justify his actions, telling herself stories to make sense of it. But deep down, she knew she was only lying to herself.
That was it.
She had tried.
She had wanted to share her feelings. But it seemed he didn't want to hear them.
He was the last piece of the world she had built in 2020-21. And everything connected to those years was precious to her. He was her home.
She spent months trying to understand—did she love him? Or just the idea of him that she had created years ago?
Eventually, she found the answer.
And finally, she understood her feelings.
2025, March
Spring Came. The seasons changed, and with spring came a new event at the university. Her group was assigned a waltz performance. And fate, with its twisted sense of irony, paired her with his friend.
Her first instinct was to reject it. But then, a thought crossed her mind—
Maybe it's time I do something I never allowed myself to do?
So she danced.
For the first time, she let go of the past and allowed herself to live in the present. And when the event ended, she had no regrets. She was tired. Tired of waiting for someone who was never meant for her.
Later, one of the boys from his group confessed his feelings to her. She rejected him, but this time, she was extra gentle. Maybe because now she truly understood how painful it was to have your feelings unreturned.
Still, it made her sad. Why was it always someone close to him but never him?
She threw away the things that reminded her of him. It was time to move on. For the first time, she felt anger toward him. But she couldn't be fully angry. It wasn't his fault. He was never obligated to return her feelings.
And yet—
Just when she finally decided to forget him, he started appearing in her world again.
I say I never loved you, but then why…
-When I visit your town, my eyes always search for you?
-Every year, I draw your portrait—only to burn it?
-Every year, I write you "last letters" on your birthday?
-My heart aches when I see you with someone else?
-When I see you, I can't look away—I just want to drown in your eyes?
-My heart beats differently when you're near?
-I see you in my dreams, always searching, but never finding you?
-I collect movies and books where the love story mirrors mine, reminding me of you—of us?
-I remember every date connected to you, even when I try to forget?
Why I still keep your baby photo in my diary?
"Not every feeling has a name.
Just like not every question has an answer."
Loving you was one of the sweetest things I have ever experienced. Maybe in another life, we were meant to be together. Maybe in another universe, my love was returned.
Years later…
7th July,
Waking up early, she stepped onto the terrace, a cup of peach-flavored tea warming her hands. The sunrise painted the sky in soft hues, and she welcomed it with a quiet smile. Capturing the moment, she sent a photo to someone before taking a deep breath of the crisp morning air.
Back inside, her cat and dog ran up to greet her. She fed them, then gathered her things and left the house.
Walking to her studio was one of her favorite daily rituals—especially with her artist's bag slung over her shoulder and her beloved diary, the one she had kept since she was 13, tucked safely inside.
Upon arriving, her manager and friend greeted her with a familiar question.
"Did you have breakfast?"
She smirked. "Take a guess."
Rolling her eyes, her friend sighed. "Of course not. Chocolate croissant and milkshake as usual?"
Her brightened expression was all the confirmation needed.
After a sweet breakfast, she dove into work, immersed in her latest project—a book. She was designing the cover and creating the illustrations that would bring its pages to life. Time slipped away unnoticed, and before she knew it, night had fallen. She stretched, satisfied with her progress, and as she glanced down, she noticed her hands—stained with different colors from hours of painting, and on the ring on her left hand, and her smile grew even wider.
A voice pulled her from her thoughts.
"Hey, Mrs. Dreamy, there's a young gentleman waiting for you outside."
She blinked, then remembered—her date. A night picnic by the river. Quickly gathering her things, she rushed out of the cozy, vintage studio, waving goodbye as she ran.
And when she saw him, the one who had become her soulmate, her twin. She jumped into his arms, her heart light, her world complete.
"What we find in a soulmate is not something wild to tame but something wild to run with."
-Imperfect Desires