From the beginning of humanity, it has always been about the survival of the fittest. Unwritten rule of nature that humans couldn't break even after millions of years of existence.
The kindness of the powerful ones is the lifeline of the weak, and the cruelty of the strongest is the misery of the weakest. I have lived for 48 years in my former life, both as the weakest and as the strongest.
My time at the bottom was miserable, and every passing second I understood the importance of having power and wealth.
It's hard to make people love you; however, the same people who scoffed at you when you were weak will bow to you once you climb up the ladder. I did the same, and I will continue doing the same.
Foolish are those who say you can protect someone without having power, and the more you have to protect, the more power you need to have.
Surely this road is lonely and hard, yet better than burying everyone dear to you with your own hands.
"Selentia, did you wait too long?"
I was brought out of my thoughts by the voice of my mother from behind.
Surrounded by more than 30 different kinds of roses, I was sitting in the middle of the southern garden of the mansion, which is only allowed to be used by the family members. Judging by the lack of bushes surrounding the roses, it's obvious how well-kept this place is.
There is also a small water fountain in the middle of the garden; the sound of water running down made the garden feel even more serene.
Mother sat across from me on the chair, her lush white hair tied into a messy braid, and the lack of accessories made her look younger than her usual age. Her rosy cheeks resembled the soft petal of a pink rose, and big, deer-like grey eyes sparkled like a diamond as sunlight reflected in them.
She was indeed deserving of being called White Lily of the Holy Empire.
Looking at her, I often wonder if I am even her daughter or not. After all, I look nothing like her; if anything, I look nothing like my parents. Hadn't it been for my silver hair and green eyes, anyone would have questioned my legitimacy.
" um.... How was your trip?" Mother spoke first, slightly hesitating while wiggling her fingers.
It's the first time we are having a conversation.... just two of us.
How awkward!
" It was little tiring but I achieved a favorable result at the end," I replied with no interest attached.
She nodded slowly, maids started placing tea and sweets before us. And to my suprise, there were lots of different kind of cookies made from nuts and chocolate....
Nut cookies are Alancia's favorite, but I am allargic of nuts.... While chocolate cookies were Dain's favorite but I am not fond of chocolate cookies.
Rather I enjoy butter and date cookies....
" I made them specially for you," Saying that mother placed a plate beautifully decorated with different kind of nut and chocolate cookies.
A small, dissappointed smile made it's way on my lips and looked up at mother who was waiting egerly for me try one.
How comes I am not even suprised that my own mother doesn't know anything about me.....
" I won't go to Holy Empire with you," Without going back and forth, I went straight to the topic. She seemed taken back by my blunt words.
Dissappointed and hurt- How comes she is showing such expression when she never bothered getting involved with my life even once other than trying to restrict me and punish my maids for my disappearence or mistakes which were never committed by me in the first place?
And... when in my both lives she were the one who pursued Ezekian to escort Alancia while he was still my fiance....
" Selentia, there is no point in staying in Wymhold. I know you have never visited Holy Empire before so you have your doubts in mind but trust me," She reached her hands and grabbed mine tightly, assuring me to trust her.
" Holy Empire will be much better than here in Wymhold and Nyxveil family," her voice wavered while mentioning Nyxveil. Tears glistering in her grey eyes while staring into mind with love and affection.
However, it made no effect on me. I had long burried my emotions toward my parents, the only thing I wish is to have them stay alive so that I won't have to suffer through the same fate as my past.
My mother is princess of Holy Empire, the dearest child of the Emperor of Holy Empire. Anything happening to her means, Nyxveil will become Holy Empire's enemy and while facing demons Holy Empire will be one of the most formible allays, an allay I can't risk losing for some inside family drama.
I lightly moves away mother's hand from mine and shook my head, " I like it here."
She pressed her lips tightly, tears started trickling down from her eyes and she lowered her head while sobbing softly.
" Do you hate me?" She whispered under her breathe.
" Hate..... " It left as a whisper from my lips. I looked over the flowers behind mother, beautifully busking in the sun, blooming colorfully.
I was feeling tired after meeting with Kaelith and pulling that drama there. Having to face mother is more emotionally suffocating than I thought it will be.
" When I was 7, I had the nut cookie you made for Alancia secretly and I fell sick. My body was full of rash and I had hard time breathing. Alancia's maid said I tried to put something in her cookies because I was jealous of her but got infected instead."
Mother's body froze hearing me telling about an incident which more than 9 years old from now. She slowly lifted her head, her face turning pale, most likely remembering what had happened.
" You didn't let any healer heal me and confined me into my room. For 2 nights, I suffered from hellish pain. Rina sneeked me out of the mansion seeing how my fever wasn't going down and took me to a local doctor as healers don't treat anyone other than nobles,"
Those were old wounds, however for 7 years old me, it was indeed terrifying to be faced with such horrible pain and fever while being locked inside my room for a mistake I didn't even commit.
Mother looked as if she was in pain, her lips trembled and look of disbelief on her face made it clearer.
" Doctor said I was lucky to be born with natural healing power or else I would have been dead, that's how allargic I am of nuts....." I looked dead into mother's eyes.
" I also don't like chocolate cookies rather it's butter and date cookies which I usually have."
Tears didn't stop streaming down from her eyes, gulit.... Yeah, she was feeling guilty...
However, it didn't make me feel any better. She is the woman who carried me for 9 months and she is the same woman who tossed me to the side for 16 years.
Why should I care to conceal and act like I have some affection towards them when all I feel toward them is just....
Responsibility.... The responsibility of a child toward her parents.
" If you think I decided to stay here because I have some special attachment with His Grace, you are wrong. Its been years since I burried my desire to be loved and cherished by my parents."
" Selentia, I can explain. You are...." Mother paused, words strucked in her throat, her body trembled as she blinked away her tears only for more to stream down.
" You are....." she opened her mouth once more but words didn't come out of her mouth again but I completed her words.
" I am born with Lethe's Curse. Isn't this what you want to say?"
Her eyes widen, totally speehless by my calm yet terrifying loud declaration. She hurriedly look around to ensure there wasn't none. Her tensed body revealed a lot I had to know.
" Who told you? Was it your father? No, he won't do that." Mother shook her head. Trying to gather puzzels regarding how I might have known about that.
A bitter chuckle left from my mouth, " People born with Lethe's Curse are born to cause bloodshed and plunge the lands through wars and misery. And anyone who close to such people are meant to meet a miserable fate.... Isn't that right?"
Mother parted her lips to say something but nothing came out. Fuck! I just hoped I was wrong in this. I hoped I was wrong and my parents didn't keep me away from them not to be affacted by the Lethe's curse.
Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!
WHY? WHY DO I HAVE TO BE RIGHT ABOUT IT TOO?
I would have prefered to be hated for some nonsense reason but this... Why this....
I stood up without saying anything and mother instantly grabbed my hands desperately looking at me, " Selentia, I can explain to you. Please, I don't know from where you heard it but-"
" Your Grace, what's there to explain?" I shoved away her hand. My voice was calm but my words weren't as I continued.
"You and His Grace couldn't bring yourself to kill your child but you couldn't let her bad luck to be spread to you two and your other kids. So, you thought of that keeping me away from yourselves and my other siblings, you will be able to keep me alive while protect yourselves and your kids."
Mother lowered her head, her sobs got louder and her body kept shaking, she couldn't deny it because it was true and I couldn't accpet it because it was true.
I turned my back on her, I couldn't let her get even slight idea of the storm going inside my mind,
" Your Grace, there is no need to show me sudden love and affection which you don't mean. I wish you the best with your journey to Holy Empire."
Saying that I started walking away from her. One might think what an ungrateful child I am. To make my mother cry and not even bother offering a sorry.
Be it that way.
In my past life after visiting Holy Empire and learnig about me being cursed by Lethe's Curse, I digged more into Lethe's curse. And there I learnt, the one who is cursed is born with a black eclips's mark on their waist a symbol of moon devouring the sun in literal sense. And I had such mark on my waist....
And there was no way, My mother didn't know about such mark. That thing sowed a seed of suspension in my mind which got confirmed with my regression.
I have no special expectation for my parents anymore, however, I surely resent them.
The only solution they could think of was to push me away and never to create any deep relation with me in the fear of my curse affecting them and my siblings.
Because if it was me, I would have rather get cursed than pushing my child away from me. Even if my child was born to be a monster, I would have still showered him with all my love and that's what a parent is supposed to do, isn't it?
However....
My rotten luck and me.....
Neither parental love nor siblings love nor love of a lover....
Sobbing of my mother started getting further as I took more steps, warm spring breeze made my hairs messy but I didn't bother fixing it.
The storm inside my mind calmed down as soon as I stepped out of the garden and was greeted with the frony view of Nyxveil mansion.
A relaxed smile dancing on my lips contradicted with my previous expression. However, I cared less.
" I held my head high,
Four decades of winter,
Three decades of rain,
Passing through the passage of time,
Here I am once again,
Being 16 and restless once again.
Yet, a desire keeps growing
Maybe, Just Maybe,
How peony blooms after long winter,
I will bloom too.
For once and for all."
" I didn't know you have a hobby of reciting poems, Foxy."
I turned around. Master and Han Rao, in their cat form were walking toward me from the direction of the garden. Seems like they had been waiting for me. Han Rao jumped near my leg and nuzzeled his nose against my feet as if consoling me.
" My master is expert in many things, Grand Mage." He proudly grined and I just shook my head with a smile.
Master gave him a suspicious look, " The way you cling to Foxy, One might think you are her son not just some disciple."
I looked down at Han Rao who was already looking up. Though he was a cat then, I can vividly imagine the bright smile he was wearing underneath.
Though not blood related..... I was indeed his mom and family.
" Let's go kids. We have so much work to do now that dragon heart will be here by the end of today."
Master started walking past us and I jusy picked up Han Rao in my arms.
" Master, are you okay?" Han Rao whispered in a low, considerate tone. I nodded with a smile, " These wounds are too old to be hurt again, Salmon."
" Just because wounds are old doesn't mean it won't hurt when you press it hard, foxy."
I looked at master's back, imagining in his original form I couldn't help but feel a strange sense of familiarity from him.
Shared sense of losing our closed ones. Shared responsibility of being the strongest. Share sense of so many things....
Master's steps were slow and I don't know when but we were walking side by side.
" When will you leave for Academy?" He looked up at me, diverting the topic.
" I didn't get to ask father yet. Maybe by the end of spring, I-"
" TIAAAAA!!!!!!" My words got cut short by an ear piercing male scream which belonged to none other than Rheon.
As I turned my body, I saw Rheon running from the gate toward my direction in full speed, sweat dripping from his head and given his attire.....
Murky grey shirt tucked inside a pair of black pants, his sword dangling from his hips as he ran as if he was running for his life.
Just from where has he been running.
" Slow down, will you?" I screamed and he shook his head urgently.
" Wait for me there, okay!"
" Wow! Isn't that Duke Zenvara?" Han Rao whispered, only loud enough for me to hear. I gave him a light nodd.
" Hmm, this kid has some special kind of talent for magic," I heard master's amusing tone looking at Rheon.
" He is Heir of Duke Zenvara," I informed him about Rheon's identity. Master gave me a suprised look, " Do you collect powerful men like stamps or what? First a half dragon, then this cat with infinite mana ability and now that kid who also happens to have mana!"
I gave master a look of disbelief regarding his interpretation and it didn't end with just master.
" You are forgetting to add The fall- I mean, Crown Prince," Han Rao added more to my suprise.
Fuck! Just how can these two leave me so speechless.
Before I could say something more, Rheon was standing before me. Bending down while resting his palms on his knees and breathing heavily.
" Just from where did you run to be so sweaty?" I looked down at him and he looked at me while panting, " Eastern Peak! My legs are faster than horse on."
Pyrexia is a mountainous land, with several mountains connecting with each other, each has it's own name. Eastern Peak happens to be the near the Eastern Market. and at that place Rheon also has his secret base of information guild called The Hawks.
Currently, The Hawks aren't that large network but within 5 years, it will become the largest and most influencial information guild in entire Western Continent and its Rheon's brain child.
Rheon stood back after catching his breathe, he was anxious and full of worry.
" What happened? Did you run all the way after learning what I did in Nordwyn Residence or what?" I asked. Rheon shook his head, " I would have taken carriage instead of running if that was the case."
I saw a paper scroll in his hand and titled my head, " Seems important."
Rheon handed me the paper scroll, his eyes restless yet still, waiting for me to read the content inside.
Han Rao jumped down from my hand and I took the paper scroll, frowning and curiously I opened the paper scroll and my blood freeze the moment I read the content of the paper scroll.
" Is this true?" A whisper of disbelief left from my mouth.
Rheon nodded, " I am the first one to learn about it in Pyrexia. One of my agents happened to be visiting Yust to his family and when he reached there...."
Rheon's voice grew colder, " 300,000 people living in Yusk..... All are massacred."
My eyes remained stucked on the words on the paper scolls, each and every character written with great effort and pain, dry blood stains over the once white paper. I could barely gasp on the horror of the situation described in that paper.
-By the time you receive this letter, I will be dead. Master, Entire Yusk is currently getting massacred as I am writing it.
200 men broke into Yusk at the middle of the night.
What followed was not killing. It was unmaking.
The blacksmith's limbs were severed first, the stumps caulked with his own hearth so that he'd live to witness whatever came after. His wife's tongue was spiked to their front doorframe, still squirming as they dragged her away by her hair. Their infant's cradle was found filled with teeth - too many teeth, many more than one child would have.
They worked with deliberate slowness in the square. The scholar stretched open down his back, his flesh pinned to the notice board as if it were some bloody notice. The mayor's eyes were hot coins, the smell of cooked flesh making his executioners chuckle - a dry squeak of rats through walls.
Women were posed in obscene tableaux, with limbs twisted into poses parodying domestic scenes. One young mother grasped her own torn-out heart in the position her infant should have occupied. Another had been stitched inside out with care, the face of horror maintained under a flap of her own skin.
Children's laughter echoed along the streets until you'd become certain it wasn't laughter, though - just wind whipping across a street in an urchin's chest.
Worst was not the blood. It was the way everything did look clean. Exact. The way that all the cruelties appeared planned, calculated, as if everything were being written to some terrible concert to which only the assassins were attuned.
When morning at last came, the maskers met in the center of town. One - tallest of them all, his egg-cracked mask - set a hand to blood-greased cobblestones and muttered something that made the air vibrate.
They're coming up the stairs now. I can see their shadows moving incorrectly against the wall. Master. their masks are in black with red horns. Though judging by their physique I would dare to say they look like they are indeed from Wymhold.
and one last request,
Please, Remember us. Please, Remember Us.
-
I felt my knees giving up once I finished reading the content. My head was buzzing as if everything surrounding me suddenly just turned blank and only my own fast heart beat rang in my ears.
" Tia!" Rheon catched me before I could lose my conciousness.
" 300,000 people.... 300,000 innocent lives, Rheon...." Those words left as barely hearable whisper. Rheon pressed his lips tightly, pain in his eyes resembled mine.
" Yusk is the connecting town between South and East, a bustling town of marchents and scholars. When attacked, they must have found themselves in the most helpless situation than we can imagine."
Rheon's words trembled like breeze as he spoke, his eyes stucked on the paper scoll in my hand.
" How many days ago do you think this happened?" " The message came to me through magic hawk which can store a paper scoll of this size inside it's mouth easily."
Rheon's pale expression speaking gave me an idea that it didn't happen within 2 days.
" Magic Hawks fly slower than usual hawks. It's more than.... 7 days..."
His words hit me like a heavy hammer.
An entire town vanished and not a single words reached to Pyrexia in more than 7 days?
Anger started boiling inside me, clenching my fist tightly I looked down at the paper scroll, " It's either Imperial Family or one of five great families involved. Or else..."
" There is no fucking way words won't spread yet." Rheon spoke in a dread serious tone.
" I will leave for Yusk tomorrow. Will you join?" He asked, most likely knowing the answer.
I turned my back on him, my grip on the paper scoll got tighter, " Make the arrangements. A single person involving in this won't survive."
Even if it's the Emperor.
My eyes were burning in rage and tears.
Why? Why? Just how can people be so cruel to kill 300,000 innocent people!
Did this happen in my past life too? Or did my change of present caused such event to happen?
I don't know, I couldn't know.