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"It's all your fault, Jiraiya! The reward for this mission isn't even enough to cover the money you threw away!"
Back in Konoha, Tsunade screamed at Jiraiya, her temper flaring.
Jiraiya, rubbing his head, quickly deflected. "Not my fault. Orochimaru signaled me to throw it."
Orochimaru: "..."
Naruto sighed. It was even noisier than when he used to be with Team 7.
At that moment, a group of people emerged from the Hokage Building.
"Oi, Naruto!" Jiraiya suddenly nudged him with his elbow, grinning. "Come on, let me show you something amazing!"
"Huh?" Naruto looked at him, confused.
Jiraiya pulled an adult magazine from his pocket and smirked. "Limited edition. I put a lot of effort into getting this."
Naruto looked at Jiraiya with pure disdain, then casually pulled out a high-definition Playboy magazine. "Now, this is treasure!"
The two men huddled together, whispering in awe. Neither noticed Tsunade's clenched fist growing larger and larger behind them.
"You two!"
BOOM!
Tsunade sent Naruto flying with a punch and turned to glare at Jiraiya. "Fuck off, Jiraiya! If you dare corrupt Naruto any further, I'll fucking kill you!"
Jiraiya, looking completely innocent, turned to Orochimaru. "See that? She's always using me as a punching bag!"
Orochimaru shot him a disgusted glance. "Idiot." He didn't even bother looking back as he walked away.
Jiraiya exploded. "Bastard! You damn snake! What the hell do you mean by that?!" He stomped after Orochimaru, cursing under his breath.
Later That Day...
Tsunade finally released Naruto, but then she suddenly leaned in close, their faces almost touching.
The faint scent of flowers hit Naruto's nose, momentarily distracting him. "Huh? What's up?"
"Hey!" Tsunade grinned mischievously.
A while later…
Naruto sat at a gambling table inside a casino, looking utterly hopeless.
"Yuushi! Let's go again!" Tsunade cheered, slamming her foot on the table. She grabbed Naruto's hand and began shaking the dice with him—treating him like a human dice-rolling machine.
"Oi! Enough already!" Naruto's face twitched as black lines formed on his forehead.
Tsunade blinked and suddenly gave him a pitiful look. "Huh? What's wrong?"
Naruto groaned and sat back down, defeated.
Tsunade instantly changed her expression. "Alright! Let's continue!"
Naruto covered his face with his hand. "This is so fucking embarrassing…"
By the time they left the casino, Tsunade was glowing with excitement from her winning streak. Meanwhile, Naruto's hand was completely numb from being used as a dice-shaker.
"Let's go! I'll treat you to some dango!" Tsunade declared, dragging Naruto towards a food stall.
As they ate, Tsunade stared at the starry sky, a dango stick in her mouth. "Tell me, why do we ninjas work so damn hard on missions?"
"To live better," Naruto replied, looking at the bright lights of Konoha.
"My grandfather and great-uncle are both gone. The number of people in our clan keeps shrinking. Grandma Mito always said the Senju Clan is declining…" Tsunade hugged her knees, her voice tinged with frustration.
"Where there is light, there will always be darkness. One day, you'll understand."
Naruto patted her head before standing up. "All you need to do is live your life well in this chaotic world."
Tsunade frowned, not fully understanding his words.
"Anyway, the Chūnin Exams are coming up. You better be ready!" Naruto smirked, pulling Tsunade to her feet as they walked towards the Senju Compound.
---
A Few Days Later…
More and more shinobi arrived in Konoha for the Chūnin Exams. Genin from various villages gathered, filling the streets.
Jiraiya, Tsunade, and Orochimaru made their way to the registration area. Jiraiya was practically bouncing with excitement. "Hell yeah! After today, I'll be a badass Chūnin!"
Tsunade rolled her eyes. "An idiot like you, who can't even throw a kunai properly, becoming a Chūnin? Tch."
Naruto smiled as he followed them. It was a strange feeling—taking the Chūnin Exam again. He had never taken it in his past life. Instead, decades later, he had just been promoted straight to Hokage.
Suddenly, a voice called from behind.
"Move aside, brats!"
The group turned around to see a tall, cold-looking man wearing the Uchiha Clan emblem on his back.
Jiraiya frowned, not liking the guy's attitude. "Oi, bastard! Who the hell are you, talking to Master Jiraiya like that?!"
The Uchiha smirked, then lunged at Jiraiya with a sudden, swift punch.
"Fast!"
Tsunade and Orochimaru were startled—they had no time to react!
Just as Jiraiya was about to be hit, a hand shot out from behind him, effortlessly catching the Uchiha's fist.
It was Naruto.
Naruto chuckled. "We're all from the same village. Do you really want to put on a show for these outsiders?"
The Uchiha glanced around. Sure enough, shinobi from other villages were watching, smirking at the spectacle.
"Tch." He scoffed and turned away, walking off.
Jiraiya spat on the ground. "Pfft! Whatever, asshole! I'm gonna become Chūnin, then I'll be untouchable!"
"Shut up, Jiraiya," Tsunade sighed. "Do you ever read the damn room?"
Sure enough, the surrounding examinees were all staring at them.
At that moment, a white-haired boy carrying a sword approached.
"You shouldn't provoke him," he said.
Jiraiya frowned. "Who the hell are you?"
The boy replied calmly, "Hatake Sakumo. From the Hatake Clan."
Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "Why shouldn't we mess with him?"
Sakumo's expression turned serious. "Because his name is Uchiha Cannon Fodder and he's known as the strongest Uchiha genius in history."
"What?! He's that Uchiha Cannon Fodder?" Jiraiya's eyes widened in disbelief.
Tsunade scoffed. "Hmph! The Senju Clan is obviously the strongest!"
Naruto waved a hand, signaling her to drop it. Then he turned to Sakumo. "I heard you're the most talented swordsman in Hatake Clan history."
Sakumo scratched his head. "Well, people say all kinds of things. Whatever makes them happy."
Naruto: "…" Something about this conversation felt off.
"Let's just hurry up and sign up," Naruto said. "We don't even know what the main exam is yet."
The group entered the examination hall, where countless Genin turned to stare at them.
Jiraiya swallowed. "Uh… why is everyone staring at us?"
Tsunade facepalmed. "Because you were too damn loud earlier, idiot."
A sudden idea crossed Naruto's mind, and he smirked.
Walking onto the stage, he raised his voice for everyone to hear:
"With all due respect, everyone here is fucking garbage."
The room fell into stunned silence.
Jiraiya, Tsunade, and Orochimaru instinctively took a step back from Naruto, trying to disassociate themselves from him.
And then—
BOOM!
The entire hall erupted into chaos.
Fights broke out instantly, eliminating half of the competition before the exam even started.
Meanwhile, Naruto and Tsunade stood on the rooftop, watching the chaos below.
"See? Now half the competition is gone," Naruto grinned.
Tsunade shot him a look. "You just made every other participant your enemy."
From below, Jiraiya's voice, bruised and battered, screamed in rage:
"YOU ASSHOLE, NARUTO! WHY THE HELL DID THEY BEAT ME UP INSTEAD?!"
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