A heavy twilight long forgotten in time filled the chamber. The air was pungent with the smell of damp stones and burned dust. The golden light was vernacular as it peered through the joint in the ceiling and splashed across the debris-specked floor in a film of shifting brilliance.
"I'm not saying you're supposed to be an ancient magical object that has omniscience," Zero grumbled. "But if I were you, I would feel pretty ineffectual."
"I'm not saying you're supposed to be a protagonist," the Grimoire fired back, his voice thick with top-shelf venom, "but if I were you, I would feel pretty pathetic. I would have much rather had the squirrel."
The snake coiled up comfortably on an overturned pillar with a hiss that sounded more like a giggle of delight. It was clearly enjoying the show, watching Zero and the Grimoire squabble like an adoring audience member at a comedy show.
"You are given to me as compensation!" Zero snapped, waving the book like an accusation. "Show some respect to your owner."
"Oh yes, thank you for yanking me out of my ancient resting place with sweaty jungle hands and stuffing me in your moldy backpack. Truly, I am blessed."
The snake rolled onto its back in pure delight at the show in front of it, tail flicking lazily.
With an exaggerated groan, Zero turned toward the shining archway at the far end of the chamber. Strange runes shimmered across the stone, pulsing faintly.
He squinted at the text. "…Okay. Huh."
He leaned closer. Tilted his head. Tried again.
"…The heck kind of spaghetti language is this?"
"Oh, wonderful," the Grimoire said. "Illiterateand tone-deaf. You really are speedrunning incompetence in this world. Yēhahah."
The snake made an appreciative noise like saying. "I like this book."
Zero gritted his teeth. "Well? What does it say?"
"Hmm. No idea. I've gone blind from exposure to your aura of mediocrity."
Zero held the book up to the inscription and gave it a shake. "Read. The. Thing."
"No."
"…Okay, you asked for this."He turned to the fire lizard in his pocket. "Buddy."
The lizard perked up.
"Flame mode. Toast setting: Grimoire."
"You wouldn't dare—"
PFFFT! A small but very deliberate fire bloomed dangerously close to the book's cover from the lizard.
The Grimoire let out a strangled yelp.
"FINE! I'll read it! You lunatic!"
The runes pulsed brighter as the Grimoire's eye flickered, scanning the ancient inscription.
"It says: 'Trial of the First Flame – Let courage temper weakness. Strength shall awaken through fire.' …Blah blah blah. You've walked into a combat trial. Congrats."
"Combat trial? Against what?"
A low growl rumbled through the chamber.
The snake lazily raised its head, tongue flicking with faint interest. The fire lizard, currently lounging on a dust-covered treasure chest, let out a sharp hiss, trying to get everyone's attention with an urgent tail-thump.
Zero strolled up, arms behind his head, wearing the smug expression of someone who believed the universe was finally cutting him a break.
"Oho~ A treasure chest just lying here? Looks like the monster croaked before I even showed up. Lucky me!"
The Grimoire floated beside him, its blood-red eye narrowing in suspicion.
"Yes. So very lucky. A random, unguarded chest in the middle of a creepy ruin. Clearly nothing could go wrong here."
Zero waved it off. "Relax. I deserve this. Maybe it's a reward for my excellent survival instincts."
"Your survival instincts got you nearly eaten by a wolf on the way."
"I was testing it."
"With your life?"
The snake snorted with laughter. The fire lizard hissed again, louder this time, and scampered off the chest, tail twitching.
Zero, completely ignoring the obvious warning signs—and the two magical companions visibly backing away—grinned and reached for the chest latch.
The treasure chest wobbled.
Zero blinked. "…Wait."
It sprouted legs. And teeth.
"WAIT."
"WHY DOES IT HAVE LEGS?!"
The mimic's guttural growl vibrated through the floor, rattling Zero's teeth. Sweat stung his eyes, and the air tasted of panic and old blood.
Zero sprinted in ragged loops around the stone chamber, shrieking as the grotesque mimic-chest galloped after him on spindly wooden limbs. Its lid-flap of a mouth clacked open and shut, revealing way too many teeth and an actual, slimy tongue.
"This is not how treasure chests are supposed to work!"
"I warned you," the Grimoire said casually, floating beside him like a smug balloon. "You never listen."
"I thought it was loot! Loot!"
The mimic snarled and lunged again.
His knees threatened to buckle. Every muscle screamed for escape, but the mimic blocked the only exit.
Zero yelped and grabbed the nearest object—a dusty goblet—and flung it behind him. The mimic chomped it down like popcorn.
"What the—?!"He threw an old helmet. Gone in one bite.A rock. It chewed it.
"You're just feeding it, you know."
The snake was curled on his shoulders, watching with the same energy as a guy munching popcorn at a circus. "You're very entertaining when scared."
Zero ducked behind a fallen pillar, hiding himself from the mimic. "You could help!"
"I'm emotionally supporting you."
"And I'm observing the depths of your failure," the Grimoire added. "For science."
Zero peeked over the pillar and saw the mimic scuttling around, sniffing for him like a rabid sofa.
"This is fine. This is totally fine."
The mimic's head snapped toward him with a low, guttural growl. Its lid curled upward like a wicked grin, drool dripping from the rows of jagged teeth inside.
"Oh no. It has sniff mode."
His heart hammered. The mimic's claws scraped closer. No time to think-just run.
With a screech, Zero bolted from behind the pillar. The mimic gave chase, getting two more wooden legs as it increased its speed, skittering unnaturally fast across the stone floor.
"WHY DOES A BOX NEED THAT MANY LEGS?!"
As he sprinted in wild circles around the room, tossing random debris behind him—old bones, a rusted helmet, one of the snake's shed skins—the mimic devoured each item without breaking pace.
Then, mid-dodge-roll behind an overturned statue, it hit him.
"Wait. Wait, wait—I HAVE MAGIC!"
He practically slapped himself in the forehead mid-run. "Oh my gods, I forgot I can actually do things other than scream!"
The grimoire, floating lazily nearby, chimed in with a deadpan tone:
"Amazing revelation. Truly groundbreaking. Should I alert the mage guild?"
Zero skidded behind a toppled column, panting. "Okay... magic. Magic. Throwing stuff with magic. Easy!"
He yanked the grimoire from under his arm. "Alright, spell time! Show me something flashy—like Yeetus Maximus!"
"There is no such spell. But congratulations on being creatively stupid," the grimoire replied, unimpressed.
With a frustrated grunt, Zero aimed a hand at the nearest object—a cracked statue head—and channeled his tether magic. A glowing strand of light shot out, latching onto the stone.
"Eat this, freaky footstool!"
He yanked, sending the heavy statue chunk flying at the mimic. It opened its mouth wide—unnaturally wide—and swallowed it whole with a disgusting squelch.
"…Okay. Okay. That's fine. It just ate a two-hundred-pound head like it was popcorn."
Panicking now, Zero hurled more debris: a splintered bench, a broken brazier, even a half-eaten ration bar. The mimic gulped it all down gleefully, jaw stretching like taffy.
"WHAT EVEN ARE YOU? A BLACK HOLE?!"
The mimic reared up and chomped at the air in his direction, saliva spraying. Zero flinched. "Alright! Time for Plan Spider-Man!"
He fired his tether upward, the glowing thread sticking to a massive piece of broken stone lodged in the ceiling.
"Please hold. Please hold—I weigh, like, two snacks at best!"
With a swing that could only be described as uncoordinated panic, Zero hoisted himself up just as the mimic lunged, snapping at the empty air where his legs had been.
He dangled from the ceiling, upside-down, swinging slightly as the mimic paced below like a predator waiting for a piñata to fall.
"I'm actually impressed," the grimoire said, floating beside him."Not by your skill. Just by the fact you haven't wet yourself yet."
Still hanging, still swaying, still very much in danger, Zero looked around frantically.
"Okay, okay—next swing point, next swing point...! Come on, come on—give me something!"
If he slipped now, there'd be nothing left but bones and a very smug book. He swallowed hard, forcing his trembling hands to obey.
There was nothing. Just cracked ceiling, crumbled ruins, and a mimic below doing hungry pirouettes.
Zero whimpered, clutching the tether like a toddler to a blankie. "T-There's nowhere to stick it! I'm stuck! I'm going to die in a dungeon with a bookshelf, a belt, and a glorified candle!"
The snake yawned, coiled comfortably around his neck like a luxury scarf.The fire lizard gave a lazy chirp from a floating rock, utterly unbothered.The grimoire flipped open in midair with a sigh. "Your tears are delicious. Please, go on."
Zero kicked his legs in the air, wobbling uselessly like a crying piñata. "This is your fault! All of you!"
He pointed dramatically at the grimoire. "You! You've been useless since I picked you up! No laser beams! No teleportation! Just sass and spooky fonts!"
Then to the snake. "You just lie there and judge me like an overgrown belt!"
And finally to the fire lizard. "And you! You're supposed to be a fire-type or something—where's the fireballs? The explosions? I've seen birthday candles scarier than you!"
The grimoire hummed, utterly deadpan. "And yet somehow, you're the party clown."
Then—CRACK!
The ancient stone he'd latched onto groaned and gave way.
"Oh no. Oh nonononono—"
With a final squeak of terror, Zero plummeted, stone and all, directly onto the mimic below.
THWAM!
The mimic let out a garbled screech as the slab of ancient stone—and Zero riding it like a miserable meat pancake—smashed down on top of it. Dust exploded into the air. For a moment, there was silence.
Then: squelch.
Zero groaned from the crater, flat on his back with bits of mimic goo slowly sliding off his face. "...Nailed it."
The snake slithered down from his neck, gave a lazy flick of its tongue, and stared at the mess. The fire lizard peeked over the rim of the pit, eyes blinking like it couldn't believe it either. The grimoire floated over slowly, spine creaking, somehow managing to tilt in the air like it was raising an eyebrow.
Zero leaned back against the rubble, his chest still pumping. For a while, he simply sat there, surrounded by silence. The only sound was the muffled plop of distant drips of water and a faint, sticky squelch as mimic goo oozed from the smashed chest.
His arms trembled-not from fear anymore, but from the sheer exhaustion that always followed terror. He glanced at his hands, still shaking, and let out a shaky laugh. "Well. Still alive. That's... something."
The snake curled up beside him, unusually quiet. The fire lizard hopped onto his knee, warm and reassuring. Even the grimoire hovered in silence, its usual snark replaced by a rare, contemplative hush.
Zero stared up at the fractured ceiling, watching dust motes drift through the golden light. For a moment, the weight of the past few minutes pressed down on him-panic, desperation, the absurdity of his so-called 'tactical gravity maneuver.' He let out a slow breath, feeling his heartbeat finally begin to slow.
"Maybe next time," he muttered, "I try reading the warnings before grabbing the loot."
No one argued. The quiet was almost comforting.
After a while, Zero pushed himself upright, wiping the last of the mimic goo from his cheek. He looked at his companions-snake, lizard, book-and managed a crooked grin. "Alright. What's next?"