The subtle, cold breeze flows quietly into the open bedroom window. Slowly, then dim moonlight passes through the window, painfully reaching out to the familiar white-haired boy, all grown up and shaking.
He desperately breathes in and out, his eyes shaking with desperation and anger as a trickle of blood runs down his face, painfully streaming down his arm and into his shaking hand clenched on the hilt of the steel sword.
Blood also gushes out of his lower abdomen from a stab of a sword.
His whole body continued to shake, trying so hard to keep his balance up and his breathing steady. But even as he tried to force himself to be calm, his eyes only widened even more with anger as he stared at the person he never thought of as a family.
His father.
The more he thought about the current situation, the more his arm shaked, grasping the sword more tighter as his hatred continued to grow stronger and stronger, eyes widening with disdain as he continued to stare at the being in front of him.
The unresponsive duke stands there motionlessly without a single thought running through his mind. His emotionless eyes looked down at the ground, carrying a sword in his hand while the familiar string of darkness enveloped his whole body.
The more the young boy looked, the more he saw the darkness gathering at his heart.
The man slowly lifted his face up before seeing his own son standing in front of him, injured. He looks down to see the blade covered with his own child's blood in his hand.
He stopped breathing, eyes widening with bewilderment. His balance slowly crumbled, looking down at the floor as he tried to cover his face as if the current situation was another nightmare. But as he looked up again, his whole body just froze, noting that the current predicament is real.
He tries walking backwards, trying so hard not to unintentionally injure his son anymore. "N-No... Stay back... I–"
He soon lost balance, keeling down on the floor as his breathing became more hectic. He clutches the cloth near his heart, slowly losing his own consciousness once again.
The white-haired boy couldn't help but scoff at those words, slowly walking to the unstable duke while pointing his blade at him. "A little late to say that, don't you think? You already injured me. Heck, you even stabbed."
Hearing the footsteps getting closer to him, the duke's eyes slowly turned black. But before it could fully turn, his eyes quickly turned normal and clear. He looks up at the young boy, sorrowfully before a single strand of tear runs down his face.
The white-haired boy flinched as he saw the crying man. His eyes widening with anger, clinging the sword tighter in his hands. "W-Why are you crying!?" He throws away the sword and grabs the duke from his collar. "What right do you have to cry?!"
Gripping the collar more violently, yet the duke didn't resist the pain. Even when losing the ability to breathe, he could only continue to observe the young boy in front of him.
Despite potentially being killed by his own child, he couldn't help but let out a simple smile. "You're all grown up... Are you fifteen now...?"
The boy's whole body flinched as he heard those painful words.
His grip slowly loses strength before gazing solemnly at the duke. "... Now that you're close to death, are you trying to get me all sentimental?" He takes a deep moment to think, clenching his hand harder on his collar before looking back at the man coldly. "You… You never cared about me all these years! E-Even when I was almost killed by assassins, you never came to check up on me!"
A burst of cold air and snow started filling the room. The more unstable the white-haired boy's emotions became, the more his magic became more intangible. Slowly, the room began to freeze. At the center, a portion of both the boy's hand and the man's neck also began to freeze.
But even as his skin started to freeze, he only gripped the collar more violently. Even when his hand started to bleed, he could only stare at the man's eye with self-filled hatred.
He tries to look angry.
He tries to feel angry.
But...
In the end, he couldn't help but cry as the person in front of him finally regained his humanity… He was so determined to kill him as long as he remained the monster he always remembered.
Even as the cold air painfully embraced their entire body, the boy couldn't stop crying for a reason he never even considered to be possible. "Really... I can't help but hate you even more now that I know why you acted like this."
He lets go of the collar and pushes the duke down at the frozen floor, glaring at him coldly. But his own mouth continued to quiver, trying so hard to force out the words that were stuck on his throat.
He slowly breathed in, his eyes relaxing with tears still running down his face, before acting coldly once again, as if that's the only way to keep him from going emotionally out of control.
"That curse... the one that the empress died from... You have it, don't you?"
The duke's eyes widened. The dim moonlight finalled landed on the sickened man's body, showing his dark eye bags encompassing on top of his sickly pale skin. His body was so malnourished while sections of his skin were injured with continuous scratching and self-infliction.
Seeing the figure in front of him, the boy clicked his tongue before looking dead into his eyes, tears still falling from his eyes. "Since you have affinity with the dark element, the curse begins to consume your body and consciousness… Slowly driving you mad as you seek nothing but bloodshed."
He stops for a moment, slowly crouches down his level before having the words come out of his mouth with slight hesitation. "The curse you have in particular… It was specifically designed for you to…" His gaze lingered away to the moon outside of the window, trying hard not to sympathize with the person in front of him. "... Kill your own children, right?"
The man's body shook endlessly. So many emotions are going through his head now that his son figured out the situation. If he continues to learn more of this forbidden knowledge, he could no longer be safe from them anymore...
He looks down at the floor once more, trying so hard to not look at the expression his child might make in response to his question. "Do… D-Do you hate me...?"
The young boy contemplated those words as he continued to look at the midnight sky. The more he looked deep into the dark abyss, the more his own emotions began to cool off before finally responding to the duke. "... It would be a lie to say that I didn't resent you, but..." He takes a moment to look back at the person. His cold eye turns more humane as he places his hand on the person's shoulder.
Feeling the warmth of his child, he quickly looked up. Seeing his own child face all grown up, he could help but cry again.
The last time he clearly saw him was when he was only two. The day that his only spouse died, a pink haired girl put a curse on him that made him mad. His consciousness would wander and fade off, trying so hard to cause immense bloodshed around him.
A voice echoed through his head, trying to convince him to kill his own children. But all these years, he tried to hold it off.
He even tried to kill himself so many times, either by stabbing himself with his own sword or starving himself. But even in the brink of death, the voice would take over and heal his body.
He could only die until his purpose was fulfilled.
The young boy let out a solemn smile as he thought long and hard about the answer.
He still can't forgive him, but he's willing to start anew.
"... I'm willing to see you in a different light now… I'm willing to see you as a father."
Letting those words sink deep into his heart, the duke couldn't help but painfully close his eyes, slowly smiling back at his son's sincerity. "... Hearing you say that, I guess you know what you must do now."
The boy slowly nods. "... Even if it means being hated by everyone, even by Seraphina… I will make sure to root out the people who caused all of this. I will make sure to seek out the people who destroyed our family."
He moved his hand from his father's shoulder to his heart. "But first... I must end your suffering, father… I'm sorry, but I don't have a way to remove your curse…"
The duke let out a small chuckle before gazing up at his son, finally expressing his last subtle smile with his emotionless eyes slowly filling up with bitter hope. "I see... Then so be it." He looks back at the same window that illuminated him, staring peacefully at the sky with no remorse and lingering attachment to the world. "I will get to be with her once more at least..."
Looking more sadder than before, the young boy closed his eyes.
His hand began to shimmer white before ice appeared. Tears slowly ran down his face before he finally froze his father's heart and shattered it, giving him an instant and painless death. As his body was about to hit the ground, the young boy quickly grabbed him.
He lays the dead body on the ground, observing his father as shallow tears continue to run down his face.
After a long, dead moment of mourning, he finally picks up his body and carries him into his arms.
It wouldn't be possible if he still had his past physique, but his malnourished body made it painfully possible for him to carry with ease...
The door of the bedroom slowly opened before a red-haired girl appeared. "... Lysander. Are you okay?"
The young boy hid his face away from the girl, trying to conceal the small tears running through his face. "Elara. Perfect timing. We need to begin the acquisition of the Blakesty estate. We shall also begin the extermination of the spies. Also…"
He stops for a brief moment before gazing away to the midnight sky. "Begin preparations for a funeral. I… I at least want to give him a proper burial…"
She slowly nodded before exiting the room, leaving the door open for him to walk through with the body in hand.
He stayed like that for a long moment, painfully gazing at the warm smile of his dead father with his eyes peacefully closed.
In response, he couldn't help but painfully closed his eyes, letting the darkness engulf his entire vision before slowly opening them once more.
The young boy, now in his fourteen-year-old body, is now laying down in his bed, tears streaming down his face with no sign of stopping. As he gently touched the trail of tears, he slowly covered his eyes with his arm, whimpering sadly at the dream he witnessed. "F-Father..."
A dream so real... But shall never become one anymore.
A blue flame lingered in the corner of the room, trying to hide their presence as they continued to look at the crying boy before they gazed out the window and into the midnight sky with the full moon present.
"... The more you know, the better you will do to change everyone's fate..."
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ .
Three days prior with my meeting with August and Everett, I informed father about the situation regarding the slave trade.
I knocked on the door of his office, waiting for a bit before I received confirmation to enter.
The office has always been enhanced with a barrier that prevented eavesdropping, so it was one of the only places that could be used to discuss important matters without information leaking out.
As I entered the room, I saw father standing near the window, closely observing the spring sky with no thought in mind. Once he felt my presence, he slowly turned his head to me with a warm smile. "Lysander, it's good to see you. What brings you here today?"
As I gazed upon his warm smile, my chest suddenly ached. I'm sure that the dream I experienced last night was one of Lysander's original memories.
But I do not know for what reason Azar had for showing me the memory...
The more I remember the warm smile of his dead body, the more pain I feel in my heart. I could only bitterly smile back, trying to hide away my distress. "Greetings, father. I have some important things to report to you."
I carefully handed him the papers in my hand. He nodded before sitting down in his chair and began reading the report. The more he read, the more his expression turned dark. Once he finally read it all, he dimly sighed before placing the papers down at the desk.
"... This is troublesome indeed. I can't believe I've failed to notice this."
I shook my head. "I'm sure you've noticed the bakery. They were using that as a decoy to at least buy some time expanding their business. They seem quite confident in their plans, if it meant backstabbing their business partners."
He slowly looked back at me with appreciation. "Thank you for informing me, Lysander. I will make sure to follow appropriate measures." He taps his finger on the desk. "Regarding the spies that have infiltrated... their ticking time bombs, so I'll leave them for Nilo to handle."
Before he could say anything else, I could feel his gaze closely observing the area around my eyes. "Your eyes are swollen, is everything alright?"
I flinched before carefully touching the area around my eyes, slightly looking away with embarrassment. "Ah... I had a terrible dream."
"I see... If you need anything then, let me know. Even if it's something minor, I can't help but worry for you."
Despite looking cold and threatening, his behavior closely aligned with mother: Caring about his children even if it's something so miniscule.
I couldn't help but smile back at his reassuring words. "Thank you for worrying, father."
A caring mother and father... Something I never had in my past life. The more I receive their heartfelt feelings, the more I feel like I can better express them without any sort of limitations.
I wonder...
If I had such caring parents back then, would things have turned out differently...?
But before I could even answer my own question, father happily nodded to my words before going back into the topic at hand. "But seeing the detailed report you wrote... I can't help but think you want to take part in the subjugation."
I closed my eyes, subtly smiling to try and reassure him. "You're not wrong..."
He looks at me worriedly before deeply sighing. "Lysander… I know how capable you are. You're an exceptionally strong mage, especially after attaining your fifth ring, but I don't want to put you in any unnecessary danger."
I couldn't help but let out a bitter smile. "I see... But please do reconsider at least. I've been training my body with the prince, so I won't be an easy target for the enemies. After all, the more manpower we have, the higher the chances of succeeding."
He sat there for a moment in silence, looking sternly at my bitter smile before slowly letting out a defeated sigh while scratching his hair. "... Fine, I'll consider it."
As he continued to look frustrated at the ground, a single thought soon appeared in his head. He quickly looked back at me with confusion. "You've been training with his highness?"
I nodded. "He suggested that I should strengthen my body in case magic wasn't a viable option. I believe it has been three years since I have started training with the prince."
The moment I finished talking, I could hear father let out an angry scoff. He crossed his arms, tapping his finger impatiently alongside his arm before responding back. "... That's around the same time he suggested doing independent training."
A shiver ran down my spine as I saw a sinister and sadistic smile emerge from father's face. Even when he tried to cover his face from me, I could still feel this overwhelming feeling of something bad that's about to happen to August. "Very well... I guess I should increase the intensity for all the missed training—"
I quickly took a step forward. Panic began to fill my face as I spoke out to him. "F-Father! Please don't be too harsh on August. He was only thinking of my wellbeing!"
His face showed slight surprise as I spoke out to him. He let out a small chuckle before showing a more calmer expression than before. "I was half-joking."
A sweat ran down across my face. "Half-joking...?"
Avoiding my question, he quickly changed the topic. "How has your relationship with his highness progressed?"
I tilted my head in confusion with the sudden question. "Relationship...? We're still friends of course."
He leans against his chair, stroking his chin before looking back at me. "I see. So nothing has changed then."
For some reason, he looked slightly relieved. But at the same time, his expression showed some sort of hidden annoyance. "His highness asked me something unbelievable a few days ago, so I thought you had a say on it."
Once again, I looked at him confused. "What did he ask?"
He taps the desk while humming. His face continued to show some combination of seriousness, anger, and lingering happiness before chuckling in response. "The time will come when you'll know. But for the time being, I have a condition for your participation in this subjugation."
"A condition...?"
He nods, his serious demeanor slowly shifting playful. "Yes. Convince his highness to join. Normally, I wouldn't ask him such things, but..."
He pauses for a moment, slowly looking away. "He needs to prove himself if he's truly worth being by your side."
"By my side...?"
"Indeed. Think of it as a final test before he enters the academy. If he can pass this, then I can no longer be against anything he says… Well, mostly anything."
The way he said that seems quite playful and sarcastic. He must be hiding something from me regarding August…
I sighed before hesitantly nodding along with his words. "I wasn't intending for August to join..."
"No need to worry. As you know, he is a fifth ring magic swordsman. He has the potential of handling himself against strong enemies who have attained their seventh ring."
I feel quite hesitant. Dragging him into this leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. "... I see. I will let him know then."
He slowly smiles back as he hears my response. He then stood up from his chair, quickly adjusting his clothes before he began walking towards me. Once he stood in front of me, he gently patted my head with a smile. "You have grown well, Lysander. Like I said before, if anything troubles you at all, just let me know."
I looked up, happily nodding back as I continued to feel the warmth of his hand. This moment of fleeting tranquility...
Is this the future that you wanted, Lysander?
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ .
"All units, gather!"
Groups of soldiers took their stance at the training ground with father standing in front of them with his usual cold expression. .
I stood by the sideline, watching father as he continued to give his speech to the soldier before sensing a familiar presence next to me. I looked up and saw the blonde hair figure with a longsword behind his back.
He looked down at me before smiling brightly. "Greetings, young master."
"Qadir... Are you taking part in this?"
He happily nodded along. "Indeed. I'll be taking part in this with Veda and Nila."
His smile turned less intense, but more heartfelt as he looked at the soldiers in front of him. "Nilo was able to gather all the spies you have identified and secured them in the prison cell. Their trigger is their death, so it should give a short leeway for us to infiltrate their location without being discovered. We will have the soldiers raid the bakery while a handful of people will attack their main base."
"I see. So Nilo is staying behind just in case. Will you be alright?"
He looks stunned before slowly laughing at my response. "Thank you for your worries, young master. But I prefer this arrangement. I don't wish for him to be in any sort of harm!"
"Hmm… But the same could be said for you, Qadir. Did Nilo actually let you participate in this…?"
He flinched before slowly looking away with a small blush. "Well… Let's just say I had to pay a small price to get his approval."
Hearing him say that, I smiled back. "Interesting… Love seems to be quite a complicated emotion I've yet to understand. But seeing you two express your love like mother and father... I can't help but want to feel it myself."
A sweat ran down Qadir's face before looking away to avoid eye contact. "I-I see... I feel bad for him then..."
But before I could respond, I felt someone place their hand on my shoulder. I quickly looked up to see that it was Veda. Her long, wavy blonde hair still beautifully groomed while wearing her cape and hat to slightly protect herself from the sun.
She let out a small smirk before gazing at the soldiers in front of us. "Hearing you two talk about love reminds me of a story I recently read."
My curiosity piqued as she said those words. "A story?"
She hummed in response, trying to find the correct words to use. "... The love story between a human and a demon. Their forbidden romance from opposing races led to them conceiving a hybrid child. But… the parents were ultimately killed by humans, and the young child was sealed away by the demons–"
But before she could finish her sentence, Nila soon appeared behind her, looking excited and full of motivation. She looked around the premises before happily looking at me. "Young master, where's your boyfriend?"
Once she finished saying those words, the entire lot turned silent.
Qadir let out an awkward laugh while Veda looked away with a disappointed sigh. I could feel father suddenly coughing while trying to remain calm in front of the soldiers, who were also looking at us. Nila placed her arms over her shoulder, whistling while still looking happy as she purposely ignored the awkward atmosphere she created.
After a moment, I slowly tilted my head in confusion. "You mean August?"
She flinched before hesitantly nodding. "Y-Yes… It's almost the gathering time, but he still isn't here…"
I looked around, trying to feel his presence before shaking my head. "I'm not sure where he is. I can't feel his presence anywhere, but I'm sure he will arrive soon."
Silence continued to fill the air as the cold breeze continued to glide around us non-stop.
For some reason, I could feel everyone's stare.
Qadir took the initiative to talk, awkwardly laughing once again while scratching his cheek. "Young master, don't you find Nila's wording a bit… strange?"
"...? I mean, he is a boy friend, isn't he? I don't have any romantic partner, so the other definition seems null."
He sighed once I finished answering his question. "... Yeah, I feel bad for the poor boy. Just when will you realize your feelings, young master."
"Realize...?"
He slightly leaned down near my level and flicked my forehead hard.
I gently rubbed the area he flicked, looking stunned before gazing at Veda for an answer. But she avoided my eyes before walking away from the scene, forcing me to try and understand what Qadir means by those words.
I tried to find Nila, but found her talking to the soldiers who finished listening to father's speech, like she was trying to avoid the present situation.
I slowly looked back at Qadir. He let out a sigh as I continued to contemplate the meaning behind his words. A few awkward seconds passed before he tried to etch the words out of his mouth.
"Young master... Can I ask a few personal questions? I think it's time you realize how you feel."
I slowly nodded, still confused about the situation. "Sure..."
He looked serious into my eyes. "Your feelings for his highness, what are they?"
I contemplated for a moment. The more I think about them, the more complicated the words formed in my head. "I… I don't know. He's a dear friend, but…" I slowly tugged at the cloth near my heart. "It's weird… there's something in my heart that just… reacts when I'm with him."
I could feel him smirk at my response. "Do you know what that feeling is?"
I shook my head. "No. I… I don't know what this feeling is… Is it something bad?"
"Is nothing bad. On the contrary, it's a feeling so irreplaceable and pure." He placed his hand over his heart, closing his eyes while he tried to recall his own feelings for a special someone. "It's such a pure and rare emotion… Whenever you feel that emotion coursing through your heart for someone, do you feel like it puts you in a trance? Do you feel like you're finally complete? Do you feel like there's nothing in the world except you and him?"
I tried to recall those moments he mentions. Those fleeting emotions that I thought were just the same as simple happiness and tranquility…
Whenever I'm with August, I feel more at peace... I feel like I can finally express my emotions more than I could have ever wished for. The more time I spend with him, the more time I wish to be by his side…
The more I'm by his side the more complete I feel…
I widened my eyes as his words confirmed my past and current feeling of August. "... How did you know?"
He smiles once more before standing up, but still looking at me with sympathy. "Do you ever just want to feel his warmth whenever you're down? Whenever you're happy? Or when it's just the two of you?"
I could feel my face flushing red the more he spoke about our interactions as if he was personally there. I slowly gaze at my hand, feeling the warmth coursing through them the more his voice echoed through my head.
His warm hand gently interlocking with mine... His warm embrace around my body... and even the sound of his warm and kind voice…
Everything he said just confirmed our daily interactions. Everything he said is true… but why does it make my heart beat even faster? Why do I feel so feverish? Just why… can't I suddenly stop thinking about August…?
I could feel Qadir's hand ruffling my hair. I looked up to see him smirking once again. "Just once... have you ever felt disappointed when he wasn't there?"
My eyes slowly widened as I hesitantly nodded to his words once more.
His voice soon turned into a whisper, leading me to the very same question I have always asked myself so many times throughout these years, and finally giving me an answer I have never expected. "These interactions are something I experienced with Nilo so many times when we were still discovering our feelings for one another."
I stared at him in shock. He continued to wear his playful smile before patting my head. My reddened face continued on as I finally realized what these deep emotions I could never have recognized were.
Is it because I still don't understand my own emotions very well…?
I always thought that this deep feeling for August was just happiness...
I… I never even considered that this deep feeling in my heart was something longing more into the realm of romance.
My whole body instinctively flinched as I finally felt the ever so familiar presence near me. I slowly looked around me before I finally caught a glimpse of him. My eyes couldn't help but stare at him without ever blinking once
Waving at me while slowly walking closer and closer to me, smiling brightly like he always did.
The more I saw him, the more my face turned red. The more my heart beated faster and faster. The more I felt like I was in some sort of dream.
It's so strange... the more I continued to feel like this, the more thrilling it became.
I couldn't help but smile so fanatically as I saw him getting closer and closer to me. I quickly covered my mouth before looking away, trying to hide my fanatic smile away from him. This emotion… This emotion…
It's… Love…
Yes… Love…
An emotion so subjective, yet substantial in the minds of people.
Throughout my life, I have never understood this subtle emotion called love.
But I've always wondered...
How would it feel to love someone like that... be it to family, or even a significant other?
Could there ever be a person out there who would show an emotion like that to me?
I still don't know... I'm not sure if I am even worthy of receiving such a luxurious emotion. But I can't help but finally have the chance to express it nevertheless, even if it's one-sided…
The closer he walked to me, the more I could feel my heart pounding to a dangerous level. Once standing in front of me, he showed me his ever lasting smile that I would always see on him
"Ah... he could feel my aura... can't he...?"
The more he stared at my vulnerable self, the brighter his smile became before he embraced me just like usual.
It's the same embrace as usual but at the same time it's not... My face continued to turn red at the realization of my own emotions...
I slowly closed my eyes before gently hugging him back. The world felt so quiet as the two of us continued on like this for what seemed to be an eternity.
All this time, I couldn't understand what my feelings for August were, but now I am sure...
August...
I love you...