The hunters and I were lounging on the couch—well, it was more like slowly consuming the couch with our collective grime—watching the drama unfold like it was the best theater in the city.
Bell stood stiffly at the door, trembling under the furious wrath of a very, very tiny goddess with... uh... big blessings, let's say.
I slouched deeper into the couch, crossing my arms under my still completely-flat chest and muttering under my breath:
[Grey]: Why am I still flat... It's not fair... Why is the loud midget stacked like that...
Meanwhile, Hestia was going ballistic, hands waving like a furious, angry chicken:
[Hestia]: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU BROUGHT HOME FOUR HOMELESS NIGHTMARE PEOPLE?! BELL, WE CAN'T EVEN AFFORD TWO MEALS A DAY! WHY IS ONE OF THEM WEARING A PIANO?! WHY IS ONE EATING THE SHOES?! WHY IS ONE—OH GODS—WHY IS THAT ONE HUGGING YOUR LEG LIKE A LOST TODDLER?!
Bell was sweating bullets, trying to shield himself with his arms.
Hunter 1, still proudly wearing half a broken piano strapped to his back like battle armor, gave a little wave.
Hunter 2 was chewing enthusiastically on what used to be Hestia's backup sandals.
Hunter 3, glued to Bell's leg, looked up at Hestia with wide, watery "please-love-me" eyes.
I decided to help Bell.
I stood up (carefully... the couch groaned like it was dying) and strode forward with all the grace of a dark queen from another world.
[Grey]: Hi! I'm Grey. We're emotionally stable-ish, mostly toilet trained, and only occasionally violent. Please don't throw us back onto the street, tiny overlord.
Hestia froze mid-yell, mouth open like she was about to scream again—
—But something in my huge, exhausted, slightly insane eyes made her hesitate.
Bell, sensing the small victory, jumped in:
[Bell]: T-They're really strong! They could help our Familia grow! I swear!
Hestia gritted her teeth, veins popping in her forehead.
[Hestia]: Fine. Fine. They can stay... but if anyone eats my last slice of bread, I'm personally feeding them to a Goliath.
[Hunter 1]: What's a Goliath? Can I eat it?
[Hunter 2]: Is there more bread? I want bread.
[Hunter 3]: ...Bell is warm. (still attached)
I clapped my hands together cheerfully.
[Grey]: Great! Now—who's ready to start our reign of terror, glorious adventures in Orario?
The room filled with the slightly horrifying sound of four nightmare freaks cheering happily.
Hestia sat down heavily on the floor, realizing she had just made the biggest mistake of her immortal life.
Hestia sighed the sigh of someone already regretting her life choices, then stood up and jabbed a finger at the four of us like a general marshaling a barely functioning army.
[Hestia]: Fine! Fine! I, Hestia, goddess of hearth and home, officially allow you lunatics into my Familia! Bell, you're responsible if they burn the place down!
[Bell]: W-what?! That's not fair—!
Before Bell could finish, Hunter 1 tried to high-five him and missed, slapping a wall hard enough to crack it.
Meanwhile, I smiled sweetly. Without a word, I slipped off my right glove.
Hestia's ranting died in her throat.
On the back of my hand, clear as day, was a tiny, beautifully intricate crest—the Hestia Familia mark—but it shimmered with strange, ancient light, almost like it was carved into existence itself rather than drawn with ink.
No level was shown beside it.
Just the raw mark.
[Grey]: Oh yeah... I, uh, might've already made myself an honorary member.
I scratched my cheek awkwardly.
[Grey]: Y'know. In case you said no. I'm very persuasive when it comes to paperwork... and reality-bending magic.
Bell leaned in, squinting at it like he wasn't sure if he was seeing a miracle or a nightmare.
[Bell]: I... don't think that's how it works...
[Hestia]: That's... That's not supposed to be possible. You can't just make yourself part of a Familia—
Hunter 2 (still gnawing on something) piped up.
[Hunter 2]: Boss just kinda... does things. I think the gods upstairs were happy to get rid of her.
Hunter 3, still glued to Bell's leg like a very traumatized plushie, nodded solemnly.
Hunter 1, meanwhile, started playing a slow, mournful song on half a broken piano strapped to his back.
[Grey]: Technicalities. Anyway, thanks for the official invite, tiny goddess. I'll be your best nightmare soldier, promise.
Hestia just slowly sat down on the floor again, hugging her knees.
[Hestia]: What did I do to deserve this...?
The room pulsed awkwardly with chaos and barely-contained madness.
After much chaotic discussion — mostly Hestia yelling, Bell panicking, and the hunters either playing music, eating furniture, or clinging to Bell's leg — Hestia finally caved.
[Hestia]: Fine! You're all officially part of my Familia!
With a blinding flash of divine light, the bond was sealed for real this time.
And then, when Hestia checked the new members' Falna, she almost had a divine heart attack.
[Hestia]: Level... Five... Level Five... Level Five... LEVEL FIVE?!
Bell just sat there, his mouth opening and closing like a dying fish.
But when Hestia turned to Grey, asking for her Falna update, Grey simply smiled sweetly, pulled off one glove — and revealed a mini Familia mark she had somehow created herself.
[Hestia]: Wait... that mark... it's real, but there's no level... no status... it's like... it's hidden or... beyond?"
Grey just shrugged, tapping her chin like she wasn't going to explain anything.
[Grey]: Trade secret.
Hestia decided it was probably better for her sanity not to ask further.
After a long talk about "not destroying Orario" and "only eating designated monsters," Hestia and Bell stumbled off to sleep, utterly drained.
[Grey]: Alright, boys. Time to make this the best Familia house ever.
And so began The Great Night Operation.
With a crash, a clang, and a suspicious amount of glitter explosions, we bought out the entire area surrounding the crumbling old church.
Turns out, when you have mountains of gold stored in your personal pocket dimension (thanks to my travels through way too many worlds), and you're a little bit insane, things move fast.
By sunrise, the neighborhood had transformed.
Where there was once rubble and weeds, now stood a massive, gleaming fantasy castle, towering high with spires, balconies, stained glass windows, and an entire garden of monstrous, yet adorable, mutant plants.
There were training yards, forges, libraries, war rooms, music halls, and even a kitchen bigger than the entire old church.
(With reinforced walls, because one of the hunters tried to eat the oven during construction.)
And at the very top?
A giant banner with a poorly drawn Hestia chibi face holding a frying pan, stitched by one of the hunters while laughing maniacally.
At the very top of the castle, there was a flashing neon sign (because one hunter found a magic neon stone) that read:
"🏰 Hestia's Divine Palace of Doom and Hope 🏰"
[Grey]: Now that's a home. The Hestia Familia will be the envy of the whole city.
Hunter 1 wiped a tear from his eye.
[Hunter 1]: It's... beautiful, boss...
Hunter 1 was wearing a full knight's armor set made of silverware.
Hunter 2 was digging a "secret treasure vault" that everyone could see.
Hunter 3 was building a catapult aimed at the Guild, "just in case." he also had built a throne out of leftover bricks and declared himself "King of the Sidewalk."
And me?
I just smiled, ready to see Hestia's reaction when she woke up.
[🌅 The Next Morning]
Bell slowly blinked awake, groaning softly as he stretched under warm, unfamiliar sheets.
The ceiling above him was... high. Vaulted. Decorated with shimmering paintings of very confused-looking gods and giant mutant rabbits.
He sat up, looking around the massive room. Plush carpets, golden-framed mirrors, a wardrobe the size of a house—and a suspicious amount of glitter sprinkled around like someone had been fighting a unicorn.
Meanwhile, across the castle in a different room...
Hestia jolted awake, flailing wildly.
[Hestia]: WHERE AM I—!? WHERE ARE MY PAJAMAS—!?
She was bundled in the fluffiest, softest bed she'd ever experienced, wearing a brand new, ridiculously frilly set of pajamas embroidered with tiny chibi versions of herself swinging a frying pan.
There was a soft knock at each of their doors.
Bell nervously called out:
The door creaked open...
Standing there, proudly in a mismatched but shining suit of silverware armor, was Hunter 1.
[Hunter 1]: Greetings, noble Bell-sama! Please accompany me to the Grand Feast Hall of Carrot Justice!
Bell, utterly baffled, got dressed as fast as he could and stumbled after him.
Meanwhile, Hestia's door slammed open dramatically—
—Hunter 2 stood there, wearing a chef's hat far too big for his head, and holding a giant golden serving spoon like a royal scepter.
[Hunter 2]: Your divine bountifulness! Breakfast is served! Please follow me or be carried! Preferably follow! I'm really bad at carrying!
[Hestia]: eye twitching
[Hestia]: ...Okay. Fine. Fine. I'll follow. I'm too scared to ask questions anymore.
Led through endless, gleaming marble hallways, past confused mutant plants that waved cheerily at them, they finally arrived at The Grand Dining Hall.
It was... enormous.
An impossibly long oak table stretched down the hall, stacked floor-to-ceiling with heaping platters of carrots and potatoes, prepared in every way imaginable:
Roasted carrots glazed in honey
Mashed potatoes piled into mountains
Carrot soufflés
Potato stews bubbling merrily
Carrot-potato hybrid bread (??)
Strange glittering carrot salad (????)
And standing proudly behind the table, arms crossed, a flour-dusted apron tied around her waist, was Grey.
[Grey]: A feast of kings.
[Grey]: Carrots and potatoes only. Because... that's all I trust these maniacs not to set on fire.
Hunter 3, sitting at the head of the table, proudly wore a cardboard crown labeled "Chairman of Vegetables".
[Hunter 3]: Welcome, citizens, to the glorious age of root vegetables.
Bell's stomach growled loudly, betraying him.
[Bell]: It... it smells amazing...
[Hestia]: I'm in a nightmare. A delicious nightmare.
Grey wiped a mock tear from her eye dramatically.
[Grey]: Eat well, my friends. Today, we start a new era—an era of terrible, wonderful decisions!
Hestia slumped into a chair in defeat, grabbing a plate piled high with potato dumplings.
[Hestia]: I don't even care anymore. I'm just gonna eat and pretend this is normal.
Bell, meanwhile, practically sparkled with excitement as he dug in, happy as a clam.
Grey just grinned, arms on her hips, surveying her new, insane domain with the pride of a mother monster whose children were all slightly radioactive.
And thus, the Hestia Familia's new chapter began—with potatoes, carrots, silverware knights, and dreams too big for the city of Orario to handle.
[Chapter end]