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My Retirement Plan is Universal Conquest

saucepan
So, you just finished managing a few multiverses, pruning timelines sharper than a Vorpal blade, and casually unmaking elder gods who got too loud. What's next? Retirement, obviously. Find a quiet, forgotten corner of reality, wipe the cosmic RAM mostly clean, and enjoy some peace. Maybe some tea. Meet Bob. His last job involved stress levels that would make a supernova look like a spa day. Now, he runs a perpetually failing antique shop in Oakhaven, a village located squarely in the armpit of Generic Fantasy World number 734-Gamma (or Aerthos, as the locals ridiculously call it). His goal: Absolute. Freaking. Quiet. THE PROBLEM: Aerthos is a festering boil of fantasy clichés. Hormonal heroes questing for glory (and frequently tripping over Bob's magically misplaced floorboards). Prophecies foretelling greatness (usually involving Bob, much to his disgust). Dungeons popping up like particularly aggressive weeds. And a Dark Lord whose grand ambitions Bob could literally sneeze out of existence, if he could only be bothered. Bob is powerful. Absurdly, reality-bendingly powerful. But using it is WORK. It attracts attention. It interrupts his tea. His 'solutions' often involve reality subtly folding like cheap origami out of sheer annoyance – a boastful knight mysteriously developing hiccups, an invading ogre suddenly finding its club has the structural integrity of wet tissue paper, a goblin horde finding the overpowering scent of compost far more appealing than pillaging. Join Bob as he navigates the treacherous waters of mundane life constantly interrupted by epic stupidity. Read his internal monologue roasting every fantasy trope imaginable. Witness the pinnacle of reluctant power, where universal conquest genuinely seems like a less annoying alternative to dealing with another prophecy, another adventurer, or another badly brewed cup of tea. If you like THESE THINGS: - Overpowered (but OVER IT) MCs - Snark levels exceeding critical mass - Ruthless dissection of fantasy/Isekai tropes - Comedy born from cosmic annoyance vs. mundane problems - Characters who just want everyone to LEAVE THEM ALONE Then pull up a wobbly stool (mind the dust) and watch Bob fail spectacularly at retiring.
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Damon's Ascension

Humanity is caught in a great upheaval after the Intergalactic Union of All Species coincidentally discovers their existence on what they had formerly considered to be the fringe of the universe. Without any say in the matter, they get indicted into the Union as a legal member. Unfortunately, this meant that they were now obligated to partake in the exploration of a new Chaotic Realm parallel to their universe containing rich energies, resources, and essence that the universe itself craved. To that end, the universe has created its own will, which seeks to gather all races and strengthen warriors from them to explore the dangerous but lucrative Chaotic Realm, initiating the Augmented Reality simulation, Essence. In Essence, one can experience a carefully crafted universe similar to an RPG game, either by going in through your soul or going in through VR. The former means that death is true, and the latter is similar to a normal FIVR experience. Those who go in with their souls can freely receive feedback from their 'game characters' to obtain all stats, skills, and items they acquire in Essence, while those who go in with VR do not obtain that benefit. However, those who pay for it in Essence can receive an awakening of genetic talent called abilities. These abilities are graded from F to EX, a total of 10 stages. Not much is expected from the human race when the first 100 participants get chosen at random from the public - a standard protocol - only for each one of them to awaken at least an A-grade ability. Then, there was Damon Arnan, a young Ghanaian politician, who ended up awakening, not one, not two, but three EX-Grade Talents. The human race, which had just entered the galactic playground, was about to experience a storm with Damon smackdab in the middle.
Kotario · 129.7k Views